


Help Me Hold Onto You

by hat_full_of_stars



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Crossover with SBB, F/F, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Set between season 4 and 5, Supercorp endgame, TW: mention of a life-threatening situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2020-11-24 07:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20904188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hat_full_of_stars/pseuds/hat_full_of_stars
Summary: “Lena? What are you doing here? Kara is so worried about you!”Alex stops in front of the woman that’s sitting at the bar. Lena is drinking red wine and wearing a tight, low-cut dress and a shade of lipstick Alex has never seen on her before.The woman looks Alex up and down first, then Kelly. Her stoic expression changes to an amused one with the raise of an eyebrow.“Not Lena, but I can understand the mix-up.”ORIt's been two weeks since Kara and Lena last spoke. When Alex and Kelly run into a mysterious woman named Saskia at a bar, it becomes clear than Kara isn't the only one who kept a secret.





	1. One

The song softly fades away, and their careful steps come to a halt. Alex holds onto Kelly for a just a moment longer, pressing their foreheads together. She enjoys this rare moment of peace. In the midst of everything that has been going on, Kelly is her safe place. Kelly gently squeezes her hips and pulls Alex a little closer.

“Thank you everyone, you all made for a fantastic view from up here! Couple’s dance is over, now if the single population would join the dance floor again please?” The DJane’s voice comes through the speakers.

Alex can hear several women cheering, and when she looks up, she sees the dance floor filling immediately. There had only been a handful of couples during the previous song.

Kelly smiles at her and gives her a kiss to her temple. “Want to go to the bar before we get crushed on here?”

Alex nods and smiles back. They’ve barely made it off the dance floor when an upbeat song starts playing, and the bodies of several dozens of women start moving along to it. She watches them for a moment. Going to bars to dance was never really her thing, except for that short period of time in her life when she tried to dance her pain away. Now she prefers companionable drinking with her friends and good conversations. It was Kelly who had convinced her to go to L-Night, to do something a little different. And she’s having a good time, if she’s being honest. That being said, Alex would probably go anywhere on a Friday night if it was with Kelly.

Her girlfriend spots two empty stools at the bar and drags her along by her hand, tearing Alex’ gaze away from the dancing crowd. She briefly scans the people sitting at the bar. The figure of a woman sitting alone stands out, and when her eyes land on her Alex stops so abruptly that Kelly loses her hold on her hand. Kelly immediately turns around, a worried look on her face.

“Everything alright, babe?”

Alex can’t reply. She can only stare. She can’t believe what she’s seeing. Or rather, who she’s seeing.

Kelly turns around to follow Alex’ wordless stare. She does a double take when she sees what Alex saw a moment before. But Alex has already set in motion again, and this time it’s her that’s pulling Kelly along.

“Lena? What are you doing here? Kara is so worried about you!”

Alex stops in front of the woman that’s sitting at the bar. Lena is drinking red wine and wearing a tight, low-cut dress and a shade of lipstick Alex has never seen on her before.

The woman looks Alex up and down first, then Kelly. Her stoic expression changes to an amused one with the raise of an eyebrow.

“Not Lena, but I can understand the mix-up.”

Alex narrows her eyes. The woman in front of her is definitely Lena Luthor. Even though … her voice sounds the same, but the accent is unfamiliar. And is that …? Alex spots a tattoo on her wrist. Lena Luthor doesn’t have tattoos. At least, none that Alex would know of. She tries to remember how much she’s had to drink but comes to the conclusion that it’s not nearly enough to be seeing things. Here in front of her is a woman who at the same time is and isn’t her sister’s estranged best friend.

“Explain.” Kelly’s firm voice cuts through the tension.

The woman takes a sip of her wine and gives the couple in front of her a long look. “I’m her twin.”

Alex chokes on air, and even Kelly is taken aback.

“Her what!?” She says it louder than intended, and it gains the attention of the bartender.

“Two margaritas, please” Kelly orders without hesitation, making use of the opportunity.

“Lena Luthor doesn’t have a twin sister.” Alex states in a quieter voice despite the evidence in front of her suggesting otherwise.

“Who are you?”

The strange woman grins and stretches out her hand. “Saskia de Merindol. Lena Luthor’s lesser known twin sister.”

When Alex only stares at her, she takes her hand back, but the grin stays on her face. “And who are you exactly?”

The bartender puts the cocktails onto the counter, and Kelly wordlessly hands one over to Alex before taking a sip. Her eyes don’t leave the strange woman. Saskia.

“Alex, Alex Danvers. This is my girlfriend, Kelly Olsen.” Alex gestures to Kelly, who directs a confused, but good-natured smile at Saskia.

“So, Alex Danvers, how do you know my beloved yet estranged twin sister, CEO of L-Corp and evidently not one to be expected at a bar down the road from her office on a Friday night?”

Alex takes a gulp of her drink before she ponders to the question. “Why would Lena be here tonight during L-Night? And besides, she always works late, I wouldn’t put it past her to still be in her office or be working down in the labs by herself.”

Saskia tilts her head. “Ah, I see, nothing has changed. It’s not my place to comment on her potential presence during tonight’s theme, but I will ask you again: How do you know her? She is not exactly known for entertaining a large pool of friends and acquaintances, as I’m sure you know.”

“She is my sister’s best friend” Alex says after a heartbeat. “And I occasionally work with her.”

“Kara?” Saskia asks bluntly.

Alex takes in a sharp breath. “How do you know my sister?” She instinctively takes a step back, but Kelly’s hand on her lower back halts her.

“Babe, you said that Kara is worried about her when you approached Saskia, thinking it’s Lena” Kelly says softly.

Alex steps closer to Kelly, the touch of her hand calming her nerves, yet simultaneously her eyes widen.

“She’s right.” Saskia grins again and nods at Kelly.

Alex says nothing. She can clearly see the similarities between Saskia and Lena. The taunting way she raises her eyebrow, the attentiveness, the way her expression gives away nothing of what she’s thinking, giving her a kind of unapproachable aura. Yet, there is a difference too. It’s subtle, like a shadow under a milky surface. Alex can’t quite see through it yet, but she knows it’s there.

“So, how does Lena know Kara?” Saskia asks. The grin is still on her face, but there’s a genuine interest in her voice as well. It’s as if it’s the first time she’s hearing about Kara and wants a glimpse into her sister’s life.

Alex sends Kelly a look, unsure how many details she can give to this practical stranger. She feels out of place all of a sudden. In her job she is so often tasked with dealing with people and non-human creatures far more intimidating than the unfamiliar woman with the familiar face that’s sitting in front of her. This feels different, however, and it unnerves her.

“Kara is a reporter. She writes pieces on Lena’s technology from time to time, so they’ve become close over the years” Kelly chimes in. She’s rubbing soothing circles on Alex’ back with her thumb.

It’s the bare minimum of information, and Alex appreciates that Kelly doesn’t mention CatCo or Kara’s Pulitzer Prize nomination. Kara’s name doesn’t seem to ring a bell for Saskia. It makes Alex wonder if the woman is from the United States after all, or from a country that had less media coverage about the events that had transpired in National City just two weeks prior.

“Interesting. And you two are her friends too?”

Saskia takes another sip of her wine, but her eyes never leave Alex and Kelly. Somehow, despite her discomfort, Alex feels relieved that the nature of Saskia’s gaze doesn’t lie in her being with Kelly but in a deeper, stranger curiosity.

“Yes, we are. Kara’s friends are my friends, are our friends too.” Alex says, avoiding Saskia’s eyes.

“For what it’s worth, I’m happy for Lena. The last time I saw her she had no friends and was living in her brother’s shadow. National City seems to be good for her.”

The comment catches Alex’ interest. “How long … where are you from?” She doesn’t know which of the questions to ask first, and scolds herself internally for getting them out so awkwardly.

Saskia giggles. “The last time I saw Lena, maybe three years ago? Before her brother went mad and all that crazy shit, you probably know more about this than I do, anyways.”

Alex gulps. Saskia continues, her gaze wandering over the other people in the bar as if she’s trying to look into the past.

“I assume the media coverage in Australia was nothing compared to Metropolis, or the US as a whole. When Lena established L-Corp here in National City, I heard about it in the news as a side-remark. I can’t say I’m blaming her, trying to get away from her crazy adoptive family. She’s making the best of the cards she’s been dealt.”

There are so many questions buzzing around Alex’ head that she doesn’t know where to start asking. Kelly takes a big gulp of her cocktail in order to not stare at the woman in front of them.

Saskia looks back to them as if only just realizing that she’s talking to them. She puts a hand on the counter in a motion to sit down from the barstool. “I won’t bore you any longer. I should-“

“Wait!” Alex puts a hand up, and Saskia pauses.

“You’re from Australia?”

Saskia sits back down and laughs. “I am.”

Kelly asks softly, “You don’t get to see Lena very often?”

“No. It’s fine. We’re not in each other’s lives. We’re not on bad terms, but that’s just the way it’s always been. Lena doesn’t even tell her close friends about my existence, it seems. At least my friends know of her and were worried for her when Lex went to prison.”

She looks over the crowd of people again. “Now, if you would excuse me, I’m in need of some nicotine and fresh air, and talking to a lesbian who’s single tonight if you catch my drift.”

Saskia gets up and takes her wine glass off the counter. Alex is sure she heard sadness in her voice, no matter how badly Saskia tried to deflect from it. She tries to imagine a world in which she only gets to see Kara every couple of years, not sharing everything in their lives. It makes her shudder. Her sister is one of the most important people in her life. She wonders why Saskia came to National City, and if Lena knows she’s here.

Before she turns to blend into the crowd, Saskia gives Alex and Kelly another look. She bites her lip. “If at all possible, I would like you to not mention my existence to your sister. I am trying to establish a relationship with my sister first, and I don’t want to be the reason one of her rare friendships takes a dent. You understand.”

Kelly and Alex stare at her retreating form for another moment. Kelly clears her throat. “That was …”

“Unexpected? Surreal? Unnerving? Possibly catastrophic?”

Kelly laughs hoarsely. “Yes.”

They don’t need to talk about the implications of this meeting. What Saskia doesn’t know, what they neglected to mention, was that Kara and Lena haven’t talked in two weeks. After Lex’ defeat, Lena had come to game night as usual, bringing wine and teaming up with Kara for trivia. Since then, any attempt of Kara to reach Lena has been futile. Kara suspects that Lena somehow found out about her identity. However, there’s no way of knowing. Lena has completely shut out everyone in their friend group.

“Seems like Kara wasn’t the only one with a big secret”, Kelly muses.

Alex closes her eyes. “Why now? Why is this woman showing up right after Lena supposedly learns of Kara’s secret, revealing that Lena had a secret of her own all along?”

Kelly reaches out to gently touch Alex’ arm. “Babe, what do you mean? She’s here to fix her relationship with her twin sister, for whatever reason. The timing is coincidental, if a little awkward. Saskia wasn’t aware that Lena’s friends don’t know about her existence in the first place.”

“I know, I know” Alex leans into Kelly’s touch. “I’m just overwhelmed. I just … can we go home?”

“Of course, babe.” Kelly kisses her and runs her thumb along her cheek.

“Let me close our tab.”

“Thank you, babe.”

Alex feels worn-out and tired. She isn’t sure what to think. When she agreed to going out with Kelly, she imagined dancing and drinks, not an encounter that would shake her to her core. She feels compassion for the strange woman, and by extension for Lena, for their evidently complicated relationship. Nevertheless, she wonders about the timing of it all. She wonders about Saskia’s intentions, and Lena’s reasons for keeping her a secret. She can’t help but feel like all of this new information is too much, too overwhelming, encircling her from the outside in.

It’s when they step into the fresh, early summer air and cuddle in the back of the taxi that it occurs to Alex that this is how Lena must feel about Kara’s secret, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about this story literally in the middle of the night this week when I couldn't sleep, so here's the first chapter, right before season 5. Basically I thought to myself "you know what's better than a story with one character portrayed by Katie McGrath? A story with TWO characters portrayed by Katie McGrath!" I find the similarities between Lena and Saskia fascinating, so I wondered what could happen if they interacted in any way. I hope you like the story. English is not my first language so please do point out any vocabulary and/ or grammar mistakes. General feedback is appreciated as well. On a side note, this is not my first time writing fanfiction but my first time writing supercorp, though I'm an avid reader of fics of the ship.  
The story title is from The Archer by Taylor Swift.


	2. Two

„Kara.“

Alex gives her sister an exasperated look. Kara is moving around the potstickers with her chopsticks on the plate in front of her like a small child would an unloved vegetable. There is no sign of her Kryptonian appetite - even Alex has eaten more than Kara. The chow mein on a plate next to her has gone cold.

“Have you been eating like this for the last two weeks? Please stop looking at the door like Lena might come in any second. You know she would never go here by herself.”

Kara slowly picks up a potsticker and chews like it’s the first time she’s having one. “Why not? Her office is only two blocks away. She loves the food here.”

“Kara.” Alex runs a hand through her auburn hair and sighs.

“She knows. I know it. I don’t know how she knows, but it’s the only explanation. She doesn’t respond to my texts or calls. She usually always does, no matter how busy she is.”

Another potsticker gets picked up, and Kara eats it in silence. None of the usual appreciative sounds leave her mouth.

If Alex didn’t know exactly the way Kara’s mind has been going in circles for the past two weeks, she would have been confused by the off-hand statement. But she knows what Kara means.

“She will come around.” It’s all she can say, really.

“I have to go to L-Corp tomorrow though, to speak to Lena about some of Lex’ data. I doubt that we will exchange more words than necessary, but I could try and ask how she’s been because none of us have heard from her in a while?”

Kara peaks up. “Can I-?”

“No, you can’t come with me, Kara. Don’t do this to yourself. I need to continue working with Lena and be professional, but if she doesn’t want to be in touch with me or you, or James or anyone else in private right now, we can’t force her. Even if we both suspect the worst, that she found out that you’re-“, she looks around and lowers her voice, “Supergirl from an unknown source. Has she been to CatCo recently?”

Kara shakes her head. “No.”

Kara finishes the potstickers, then looks at the cold chow mein in disgust.

“You’re not eating that?” Alex asks and when Kara only shakes her head again, Alex pulls the plate towards her and dives in. Kara wants to laugh at the comical role reversal, but all she manages is to huff out a little bit of air.

“I miss her. I wish we had come somewhere else, this is kind of Lena’s and my place, you know.”

Alex reaches across the table and squeezes Kara’s hand. “I know. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. But you can’t avoid places that remind you of her, it’s unhealthy. Kelly taught me that.”

Kara smiles softly at her sister. “I’m happy that you have someone like Kelly. You’re good for each other.”

“Kara … you will find someone special. It takes time. You’re amazing, and talented and hard-working and anyone would be lucky to have you.” Alex squeezes Kara’s hand one more time, then lets it go.

Kara looks at her sister for a long moment. Alex can almost see the wheels turning in her head.

“No. I’m just a liar. Just someone who betrayed the person she swore she would always be there for.”

She pushes her glasses up her nose. Her voice is quiet, and Alex almost can’t hear her over the chatter of the patrons around them. The way Kara’s lip quivers as she says it breaks Alex’ heart.

“Kara, look at me.” Kara looks up, and their eyes meet.

“You two will fix this. Whatever it is, whether she really found out by herself or an unknown source, or if her radio silence is unrelated. You two will fix this. You’re so good for each other, and you’ve been through so much.”

Alex is unsure how the conversation went from talking about Lena, to Kara’s love life, then back to Lena again within a minute. There is, however, a vague idea in the back of her mind. An idea so vague, yet so disconcerting, that she shoves it back even deeper. It can’t be, right? Kara had never- … but to be fair, she herself had never- … and Saskia’s comment about Lena from two nights ago- …

Saskia. The memory of the strange encounter brings her right back, back to Kara sitting in front of her, biting her lip and pulling apart a napkin. Alex knows this behavior, knows her sister well enough to know she’s seconds away from crying.

Kara doesn’t respond to her reassurance, and Alex doesn’t pressure her. She decides its best to take Kara’s mind off the matter. As well as her own, because she hasn’t mentioned Saskia to her sister with one word. She doesn’t know why she’s complying to the strange woman’s wish, but it had seemed like Saskia was the type of person who wouldn’t ask such a thing without having her reasons. Alex briefly wonders if Saskia and Lena have met yet. Maybe they’re having a conversation right now, from sister to sister, just like she and Kara. She clears her throat.

“What did you want to do later? Want to watch a movie with me and Kelly?” Alex tries her best to mimic a cheerful voice.

Kara laughs drily, and Alex knows the attempt at distraction failed. “And third-wheel you, knowing I can never have what you have? I love you, and you know that, but no. I just want to be alone. I promised to FaceTime Eliza tonight.”

Alex chooses to ignore the first part. She doesn’t want to go back to where the conversation was just minutes ago.

“FaceTime? You’re not flying to Midvale? It’s still early enough, you’ve been there and back at later hours.” She raises an eyebrow.

Kara avoids looking at her directly. “Yeah, I … I just don’t feel like using my powers right now, not if it’s not an emergency. Being out there, being Supergirl, knowing that Lena probably knows, but not because I told her … it sucks the fun out of it. I’d rather just be Kara for as much as possible these days.”

The way she says it breaks Alex’ heart a second time. “Kara …”

Alex reaches out again and takes the pieces of crumbled up napkin out of Kara’s hand. Then she holds her sister’s hand firmly and looks her in the eyes. There are unshed tears in them, she notices. She decides it might be time to head home, to leave Kara to Eliza. Maybe her mother can cheer Kara up.

“You will fix this. I know it. I’m here for you, okay?”

Kara nods. “Thank you.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“Want to go home?”

“Yeah.”

Alex calls for a waiter and pays, despite Kara’s protests. The waiter gives Alex a long, questioning look, but doesn’t say anything. It’s only when they’re heading outside and she notices another waitress stare at her that she realizes they must wonder why Kara is here with someone who isn’t Lena. She files that information away for another time.

“I’m going to walk home, the weather is nice” Kara says nonchalantly.

Alex decides not to comment on it after their conversation. The sisters hug. Kara holds on just a moment longer than usual. Before Alex turns to the parking lot for her motor bike, something she had meant to ask Kara comes to her mind.

“Hey, your Pulitzer prize ceremony is in three weeks, Kara. Have you bought a dress yet?”

Kara looks surprised, like it’s the first time she’s heard of her nomination. “No.”

“Let’s go shopping together?” Alex hates shopping, but she’s willing to sacrifice herself if only to see Kara take her mind off everything for a while.

Kara makes a grimace. “With you? If I’m going, I’m gonna ask Nia. You will just tell me the first dress looks great so we can go look at kitchenware.”

“What? No?” Alex does her best to look offended, but she can’t help the relieved expression that takes over her face.

Kara grins for the first time that night. Alex grins back, then turns around quickly to walk across the parking lot.

“Say hi to mom from me!”, she shouts over her shoulder.

Alex can hear Kara laughing to herself as her sister walks away. The sound fades as she mingles with the people on the sidewalk and as Alex puts on her helmet. Nevertheless, it takes away some of the heaviness that has settled in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments and kudos, wow! I hope you like the next chapters, too! Thank you for reading.


	3. Three

Lena’s office door closes with a heavy thud. The silence that follows makes Lena look up from the spreadsheet she’s been working on all morning. She expects Jess to be standing there, informing her of an important phone call or a rescheduled meeting. Instead, she is faced with the mirror image of herself. Her body freezes, her fingers hovering over the computer mouse. It takes her a few increasingly fast heartbeats to regain her composure. She gets up slowly and moves until she’s standing next to her desk.

“Saskia.” Her voice is hollow, and her pulse is in her throat. A sense of dread overcomes her.

Her twin sister tilts her head and narrows her eyes, her mouth widened in an amused grin. Her eyes scan Lena for a moment, then she takes in the room. Lena’s office hardly offers any eye-catchers; the walls and furniture are a pristine white. Every item is shaped and placed with purpose. The chessboard on the coffee table almost blends into its surroundings, as if it’s not supposed to be seen. The sunlight streams in from the floor-to-ceiling windows. Saskia’s eyes land on Lena again.

“Lena.”

The CEO huffs. “What are you doing here? Did Jess let you in?”

“Is that your cute assistant?” Saskia’s grin grows wider. “Don’t worry about her. The poor woman was so confused, she didn’t realize I wasn’t you until after she told me you need to call back Mr. Olsen from CatCo until lunch today. Then she stared at me like I had two heads, and when I asked if this was the way to your office she only nodded.”

“Saskia, you can’t simply-“ Lena makes a vague gesture that might include the two of them, the building or National City as a whole, “you can’t simply show up here unannounced-“

The door opens, and Lena is interrupted by the hurried clicks of heels on tiles and Jess’ wide-eyed face.

“Miss Luthor, my apologies. I thought this woman was you, and then I was so surprised-“ Jess stammers, clearly out of breath.

“Do you need me to call security?”

Saskia raises an eyebrow in Lena’s direction. Lena can’t help the chuckle that escapes her lips.

“No need, Jess. Thank you. I appreciate your concern. This is my twin sister. You couldn’t have known.” Her eyes soften when she sees the surprise on Jess’ face make way for confusion and then embarrassment.

“Of course, Miss Luthor. I will not bother you, unless you have a request.” Jess nods frantically, and is out of the door after another quick glance at Saskia.

Lena crosses her arms in front of her chest. “So?”

“So what?” Saskia takes a step closer. “It’s nice to see you, too, Lena. Can I not stop by to say hello?”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. Don’t pretend that we go to lunch twice a week. You’ve never been here before. Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you.” Saskia says it so matter-of-factly, Lena almost believes her.

She doesn’t respond, instead walks across the room to the cabinet. She pulls out two glasses and a bottle of scotch, then gestures to the couch.

Saskia sits down. “Daytime drinking? At our age?”

“It comes with the job.” Lena fills the glasses and takes a sip out of hers without another word or a toast.

“Congratulations, by the way. CEO of your family’s company, all at the tender age of 24.”

There is a challenge in Saskia’s voice. Lena has been CEO of L-Corp for nearly three years. Her sister sent her a letter after her move to National City, filled with congratulations and well-wishes. Now, Lena isn’t so sure if she ever replied. The realization that she hasn’t seen her sister in person since before Lex went to prison sits heavy in her chest. She takes another large sip, the alcohol burning in her throat.

“Thanks” she mumbles.

“I heard about it in the news, you know. About your move to National City, and the rebranding.”

Lena can hear a slight shiver in Saskia’s voice. She closes her eyes and bites the inside of her cheeks. She can feel her twin sister’s eyes on her, examining the pull of every muscle on her face. She doesn’t want to open her eyes, doesn’t want to face the reality of the woman sitting in front of her.

“I wish we had had more time when we spoke on the phone last Christmas.” Saskia’s voice is quiet and low.

Lena feels on edge. She knows that she’s distant. She knows that it’s always Saskia who initiates calls, though they’ve become rare over the years. It’s Saskia who sends a birthday card first every year; the one that Lena sends back inevitably arriving two weeks late, every year. She knows this, and sometimes, in her loneliest hours, she wishes it was different.

“I was busy with work”, is what she says instead when she reopens her eyes.

Saskia sighs. She looks sad. Lena notices the bags under her eyes for the first time. She wonders if it’s only the jetlag, or if her sister hasn’t slept for a longer period of time. It occurs to her that she has no idea since when Saskia has been in the US.

“I arrived Friday. Got to know the city a little bit, met some interesting people”, Saskia explains with a glint in her eyes after Lena asks.

Lena knows better than to keep asking. Her sister has always used her charm to her advantage, rarely sharing the night with the same person twice. Whereas Lena knows how to use that very same charm in the boardroom to intimidate old business men, it seems to fail her in other areas. Or maybe she just doesn’t spend enough time out of her office to have it work its ways.

“So, what brings you here?” Lena asks again, but this time there’s no malice in her voice.

“I told you, I wanted to see you.”

It catches Lena off-guard. “You don’t have work here to do, or anything?”

“No.” Saskia bites her lip and takes another sip of scotch.

“I’m aware that you go to Shenzhen, Tokyo and Singapore within one week for business trips but can’t spare a day in your schedule to visit me in Melbourne”, she laughs drily, “but I’m really just here to see you, to see how you are.”

Lena doesn’t know what to say to that. The only other person who ever just stops by to see how she is, to ask her about her day … - she swallows. It’s Kara. It used to be Kara. Before Lex told Lena the truth, and Lena shot him dead. She puts her head in her hands. She had briefly forgotten about it all since Saskia had stepped into her office.

“Hey, what’s going through your mind right now?” The bitterness in Saskia’s voice is gone, and it sounds almost caring.

Lena takes a deep breath and looks up at her sister again. Saskia has one hand outstretched, as if she meant to touch Lena’s arm.

“Nothing, just had a rough couple of weeks. Listen, why don’t we-“

There is a soft knock on the door, and Jess appears a second later. “I’m so sorry to interrupt, Miss Luthor, but your next appointment will be here in five minutes.”

Jess avoids looking at either of them directly and fumbles with the tablet in her hands.

“Thank you, Jess. Can you remind me who it is again?”

“Alexandra Danvers of the FBI, Miss Luthor.”

Lena tries not to jump from her seat at hearing the name. “Of course, Jess. Send her in as soon as she gets here”, she replies after a moment.

There’s a glint in Saskia’s eyes that Lena can’t read, but like before doesn’t want to ask about. “Saskia, I need you to leave.”

She clears her throat. “Listen. I’m happy you’re here. I’m just overwhelmed right now, and I really need to get back to work. Being a CEO does not come with as much free time as they make it seem in the movies.”

Saskia grins at that, and Lena matches it.

“Can you meet me at my apartment at 10? You have my address.”

Saskia nods in response.

“But I must ask you to leave the building immediately, I want to avoid people seeing you and it causing confusion.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Lena realizes the way it sounds. She also realizes that she has no idea if the people in Saskia’s life know about her existence or not. She realizes Saskia might not have been aware that the people in Lena’s life don’t. She has no time to dwell on it because Jess keeps glancing between them and the tablet like her life depends on it.

“No, I understand” Saskia says as she gets up from the couch and grabs her purse. “But no need to worry.”

Lena watches as Saskia pulls her hair out of her ponytail, the black hair flowing freely over her shoulders.

As she turns to leave, Saskia reaches into her purse to fish out a baseball cap. Standing in the doorframe, she puts it on her head, then winks at Lena and Jess before she disappears around the corner of the hallway.


	4. Four

Alex walks out of Lena’s office and takes a deep breath. _Well, that wasn’t completely terrible_, she thinks as she tells Jess goodbye and heads for the elevator. In her purse she carries a password-secured USB drive, containing data the DEO needed from Lex’ extensive research. Alex and J’onn hope it will help Brainy construct a new suit for Kara. The irony of Lena giving her this type of information, when things are so obviously not right between Lena and Kara, isn’t lost on her.

The elevator dings and Alex steps off on the first floor. She already has her phone in hand, about to call Kara to let her impatient sister know what she had suspected – that Lena wouldn’t mention her best friend with even one syllable. She’s almost out of the door when she spots a woman sitting by herself on the couch by the window.

The L-Corp lobby is illuminated by the daylight streaming in from the floor-to-ceiling windows. People are coming and going, hastily moving and talking on their phones. The only people looking around are the stoic security guard by the entrance and the dark-haired woman. She’s wearing a baseball cap that says ‘Melbourne City FC’ in bold, red letters, and at the realization Alex’ heart almost jumps out of her throat. She glances around, then pretends to be looking at her phone as she approaches her and sits down.

The woman gives her a quick grin and puts the magazine she had been holding on the couch table.

“Saskia? What are you doing here?” Alex asks in a hushed voice.

“I visited Lena, as I told you I would.”

“Why are you still here?”

“I was waiting for you.”

Alex looks around to see if anyone is in earshot. When she is sure no one is listening, she gives Saskia a long look, then asks in a normal volume: “For me? How did you know I would be here?”

“Overheard.”

Alex can’t see all of her face, but she can imagine the amused expression in Saskia’s eyes. Lena has the same one when she’s withholding information for no reason other than that she wants to.

“You didn’t mention you work for the FBI.”

Alex rubs her right temple - she can feel a headache coming in just from the stress this conversation is putting her under already. She looks down at her all-black DEO-issued uniform and shrugs. “I believe we had more important matters to discuss.”

“Is she your protection deal? I suppose her last name doesn’t make her the most popular CEO in the business.”

“No, she’s not our protection deal, even though we are concerned with her security at times.” Alex isn’t sure why she’s giving away this kind of information to a practical stranger. The same feeling of inevitability that she felt at the bar overcomes her – that no matter what she does, Saskia will find a way to Lena and to whatever truth there is to be found. That the situation is so much bigger than Alex herself, or even Kara and Lena as individuals.

“You know,” Saskia starts after a beat of silence, “When I met you and your girlfriend at the bar, I thought you looked badass wearing that leather jacket. But when I talked to you and you were all flustered, I thought the cool exterior was just for show. Seeing you again today, I must say the badass impression was the correct one.”

She’s leaning with her elbows on her knees and her head on her fist, looking at Alex. Alex has seen the same posture on Lena so many times during game night, it’s a little uncanny.

“Oh, I was just overwhelmed because I thought you were Lena. Badass is my middle name” Alex says and laughs.

Saskia laughs with her.

In truth, Alex feels overwhelmed during this conversation, too. It’s like Saskia’s mere presence has Alex on high alert. She’s overly conscious of the possibility of Lena simply walking by them on her way to lunch, or someone else who might recognize Alex. Or someone who might take a closer look at Saskia. Alex glances to the security guard, but he seems to pay them no mind.

“She looked tired, don’t you think?” Saskia’s question brings Alex back.

“She works a lot” Alex responds, assuming they’re talking about Lena. She hopes its nonchalant enough – she needs to go back to the DEO to deliver the data, and she needs to call Kara.

“I know that, but that’s not what I meant.”

Saskia picks up the magazine from the table. “I saw this lying around – the journalist isn’t by any chance the Kara Danvers that’s your sister and Lena’s friend?”

Alex only now notices the cover – it’s the special issue with Kara’s article that exposed Lex Luthor’s crimes, the one that won her the Pulitzer Prize. She takes in a sharp breath.

“Yes, my sister wrote this.” She can’t hide the pride in her voice as she takes the magazine from Saskia’s hands and flips through the pages as if to confirm that it’s real.

“I’m impressed that Lena just has it lying around in her lobby.”

Alex only nods. It does strike her as odd – was it Lena’s way of letting the casual visitor to L-Corp know that she distanced herself from her brother’s crimes? Was it a subtle nod to Kara and their friendship? Or was Lena unaware the magazine was even there?

“It’s a fantastic article, I must say. I didn’t know many of the details Kara unpacked here, and her writing style is great, too.” The smile on Saskia’s face is genuine and encouraging.

“I’m happy you think so. It was actually Lena who inspired Kara to become a journalist.” The words leave Alex mouth before she can stop them, and she scolds herself for oversharing yet again.

Saskia raises an eyebrow. “Really? That’s interesting. The two really must be close friends.”

“Yeah …” Alex says weakly and looks away.

“Why did you say ‘Kara is so worried about you!’ when you thought I was Lena at the bar? Did they have a fall-out?”

Alex bites her lip. She wants to tell Saskia to leave them alone, that it’s none of her business. But she realizes that Saskia is Lena’s sister, and no matter how estranged they might be, she does seem to care. If Alex was estranged from Kara and trying to get to know her again, she would ask the same questions.

“Yeah, you could say that.” She lets out a shaky breath.

“What happened?”

The two women look at each other for a moment. Alex can’t see Saskia’s eyes under the low baseball cap, but she hears the challenge in her voice, as well as the genuine interest. Her problem is, there really is no way to explain why Lena and Kara haven’t talked in two weeks without explaining _everything_ – which is impossible and would not only get her fired right away but also put all of them in danger. Besides, she doesn’t even know if that’s the real reason, it’s just a theory. Lena might have another reason, possibly not related to Kara’s secret identity at all.

Before she can answer, her phone rings in her pocket. Saskia watches with a calm interest as Alex fumbles to pull it out. Alex’ eyes go wide when she sees who’s calling.

“I need to go” she whispers to Saskia and stands up. She presses the phone to her ear.

“Kara! Hey!” Alex hopes that her voice sounds natural and not too overly enthusiastic and not as if she forgot to call her sister after her visit to Lena’s office.

Saskia only tilts her head and crosses her arms. Alex scrambles for a pen from her breast pocket, then scribbles down her phone number onto the page of the open magazine, right over a picture of Lex Luthor’s face. She shoves it in Saskia’s hands before the woman can react, and without saying goodbye Alex walks through the lobby towards the exit.

“No, I’m sorry, Kara, I’m just leaving L-Corp” she continues in a quieter voice. The automatic glass doors part and she’s on the street again. With her free hand she makes sure the USB drive is still in her purse, then she joins the passersby on the sidewalk, heading to the DEO downtown office.

“She didn’t mention you, I’m sorry. I was in her office for barely five minutes. We only talked business. But she looked tired.” It’s all Alex can offer her sister, and she can hear Kara sigh at the other end of the line.

Alex feels a pang in her chest for having to keep her run-in with Saskia from Kara, but she knows it’s for the best. It’s not like there’s a good way to bring it up, anyways. _So, I met your best friend’s twin sister that none of us knew existed, turns out you weren’t the only one lying to your best friend for years, haha, how crazy is that?_ Alex can only hope that Saskia convinces Lena to talk to Kara, preferably sooner than later.

“I know. I don’t know why I thought she would mention me.” Kara responds and sighs again. “Anyways, I’m heading out for lunch with Nia right now, we’re trying the new Indian place! And we’re going dress shopping tomorrow after work!”

Alex smiles. “That’s great! I want a picture of the dress you choose!”

Kara chuckles. “Not every single one I’m trying on? You know, that’s how that usually works, so you can help me choose-“

“No, please, don’t blow up my phone with pictures of dresses.” Alex sighs dramatically. “I trust Nia’s judgement, and I know that you value her fashion choices more than mine, anyways.”

Kara laughs, and Alex hears her say something to someone, presumably Nia.

“Do you want to come over tomorrow night? If I don’t see you at the DEO before, which I hope not”, Alex laughs. Not that Alex doesn’t enjoy working with her sister as Supergirl, but the last week had been quiet, with no emergencies, and she hopes to keep it that way so they can get some actual work and research done, for once.

“Sure, I’ll text you. We’re at the restaurant now, and I’m actually hungry. It was good to talk to you.”

Alex smiles softly. She wants to ask what Kara had talked about with Eliza the night before - her mother must have lifted Kara’s spirits enough that the Kryptonian is excited about food again. She makes a mental note to ask Kara next time she sees her in person.

“It was good to talk to you too. See you.”

“Bye, see you.”

Alex arrives back at the DEO, delivers the data and gets so caught up in a discussion with Brainy and J’onn that she forgets about everything else for a couple of hours. That is, until she receives a text from an unknown number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments! I read and take into consideration every single one! I always appreciate a fresh view on where people think this story could be going ... :)  
I'm a few chapters ahead in writing and planning but I don't know for sure yet how many there will be in the end. I'm having a lot of fun, especially because my last two works I only posted after I was completely done writing and editing, so this is very exciting again!  
Thank you for reading.
> 
> PS: Yes I forgot that J'onn doesn't work at the DEO anymore since S4. No I did not go back and edited it once I realized. Oh well.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry to keep you waiting an extra week! I was on a work-related trip for a week and just busy in general even after I came home. October started quietly and I got lots of writing done, but now I'm busier again - I am a few chapters ahead, though, so don't worry. Thank you for all the kudos and comments, I appreciate every single one!
> 
> I don't always write 3k word chapters but when I do they're messy and angsty, so please enjoy :)

A little after 10 pm, the shrill sound of her doorbell rings through Lena’s apartment. Lena takes a deep breath and walks towards the intercom to buzz her sister in. Wiping her clammy hands on her blue jeans, she wonders if changing into something more casual was a mistake. She likes the aura of power her usual pencil skirts and heels give her, depends on it even, like a soldier on their armor.

Saskia steps into the apartment before Lena can worry more, and they acknowledge each other with a small nod. Lena suddenly feels like a stranger in her own home. Saskia, however, strides through the hallway and into the spacious living room as if she comes over every Monday night.

“If I didn’t know for sure that you live here, I would swear that this is your second office.” Saskia looks around the place with a mix of concern and amusement on her face.

Lena follows her gaze as if seeing the apartment for the first time. Saskia is right, she has to admit. It doesn’t look much different from her office. The same impersonal style and pristine white. Now that she thinks about it, she hired the same interior designer for both places. She briefly wonders what Saskia’s place looks like in Melbourne, but bites her tongue. She can hear the snarky ‘You would know that if you visited me’ anyways.

Instead, Lena walks into the adjoined kitchen. She pulls two bottles from the wine rack and holds them up. “Domaine Loray or Riesling from Mosel Valley?”

Saskia turns around and shrugs. “Whichever you prefer.”

Lena opts for the red wine and pours each of them a glass.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring anything. I didn’t know what you like to drink.” Saskia says as she approaches the kitchen island.

The accusatory undertone isn’t lost on Lena. She takes a gulp of her wine without toasting to her sister. When she looks back at her, she finds Saskia staring at the red wine in the glass in front of her. She’s swirling it around and seems to be deep in thought.

“Did you know that I have a wine named after me?” Saskia asks after a heartbeat and her eyes meet Lena’s.

“No?”

“My best friend runs a winery outside of Melbourne. It’s a beautiful place. She named a variety after me this season.”

Lena doesn’t know what compels Saskia to share the personal anecdote, but for some reason she latches onto it like a wanderer in the desert to water.

Saskia takes a careful sip. “Her name is Olivia. She- she recently broke off her engagement. It hasn’t been easy.”

Lena recognizes the name. “That’s the friend you travelled to Europe with, right? Before you- before you visited me in Metropolis the last time?”

She can’t believe it’s been more than three years. It feels like a lifetime ago. It suddenly hits Lena how little they really know about each other’s lives. During her last visit, Saskia had raved about the architecture in Prague and the wine in Tuscany. Lena hadn’t asked much about the friend Saskia had travelled with – in fact, no matter how hard she had tried, she hadn’t cared about Saskia’s life much at all. She had been busy finishing her third PhD and chasing after recognition from her brother. Lena shudders and takes another swig of the expensive wine like it cost 5 dollars at the corner store.

A sad smile appears on Saskia’s face. “Yeah. It was a great time. And two weeks after we came back she- suddenly all our lives changed when-“

Lena gulps and instinctively takes a step closer to the kitchen island where Saskia is sitting at the opposite side. “What happened?”

For a heartbeat, the silence between them stretches from the last three years to the present. Saskia considers the wine in her glass for another second before she seems to snap out of it.

“Anyways. I didn’t come here to bore you with my friend’s problems. I want to know how you’ve been. Why don’t we order pizza?”

Her cheerful tone sounds forced, but Lena decides not to press her. If anything, distracting from emotionally distressing topics is what she does best, too. She wishes Saskia would feel comfortable enough to share what had happened to her best friend. She does, at the same time, recognize that it’s her own fault and that she would already know if she had been more involved in Saskia’s life.

They refill their wine, order pizza and sit down on the couch. Saskia has returned to her usual attitude, and the wine has loosened her tongue. Lena finds herself somewhat enjoying Saskia’s company. She’s still getting used to seeing a mirror image of herself sitting across from her – a fact that would also not be an issue would she see her twin sister in person more often – but after the bare minimum of human interaction of the last two weeks, she finds the company quite pleasant.

It’s obvious that they’re still beating around the bush a little – neither of them addresses directly what made Saskia come to National City at this time – but they exchange little tidbits of their lives. Nothing too personal, but they’re talking more than the last years combined. It feels good.

“So,” Saskia says after she finishes her last bite of pizza, “I went for a walk by the Waterfront on Sunday. Beautiful place. I saw the statue of Supergirl, and remembered seeing a video of you at the unveiling a couple of years ago. Then I went for lunch downtown, and saw Supergirl again. Not in person this time either, unfortunately, but on a giant billboard. National City really does love their resident heroine, huh?”

Lena can only nod.

Saskia wipes her hand on a napkin before she continues. “I have to say, she does have an intense stare. It’s kind of hot. I wonder if I faked an emergency, would she come rescue me?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“Please don’t”, Lena sighs and gives her twin an exasperated look.

“Cut me some slack, sister. We don’t have any superheroes in Australia. Those pods from outer space seem to always land in America, for some reason.”

Lena has nothing to oppose the statement.

“And unlike _you_, I’m not too repressed to acknowledge when someone is hot. Especially someone as unattainable, as almost fictional, as Supergirl. Come on.” Saskia smirks.

Lena opens and closes her mouth, but no sound comes out. She _does_ have several points to oppose these last two statements. “I’m not _repressed_”, is what she settles on saying.

Saskia laughs heartily, but doesn’t comment. Instead, she refills her own glass of wine and takes a long sip.

“You’ve worked with Supergirl before, haven’t you? Not only to take down your brother, but before that? Don’t look at me like that, Lena. I do care about you and read news about you from time to time, you know.”

Lena quickly busies herself with eating her last slice of pizza that has gone cold. She nibbles on it, not feeling hungry anymore but wanting to keep herself from saying something she might regret. She feels a little tipsy, and the more this conversation with Saskia continues, the more her carefully contained emotions bubble to the surface.

“What I’m trying to ask is,” Saskia continues, and the hint of sadness in her voice has made way for amusement again, “you wouldn’t know how to contact her, right? I mean if you work together, you must have a way? Does Supergirl carry a phone?”

Lena wants nothing more than for this conversation to end. “I’m not going to contact Supergirl for you. That would only spell disaster.”

“But you _do_ know how to contact her?” Saskia’s eyes widen in almost child-like excitement, and all Lena can do is roll her eyes and nod.

“Yeah.”

“So, what’s she like?”

It’s the last thing Lena wants to think about right now. She hasn’t mentioned Kara, her fall-out with Kara, or anything regarding the matter to Saskia, and she wants it to stay that way. It would be too much to explain – potentially even dangerous. She trusts Saskia enough not to run with the information that Lena’s best friend is Supergirl, but she simply doesn’t want her to know. Saskia’s sudden appearance, on top of dealing with Kara’s betrayal, has taken a hold of her emotions enough as it is – she doesn’t need to combine these two aspects.

Lena shrugs. “A little reckless at times, but always good at heart.” Her own words startle her. Nevertheless, she knows them to be true.

“Have you flown with her before?” Saskia grins.

“One time I was thrown off my balcony at L-Corp and she caught me as I fell.” Lena doesn’t know why she indulges Saskia, but she figures she might as well, if only to distract from her own conflicted emotions.

Saskia’s eyes go wide again, and she stares at Lena.

It takes Lena a second to remember what happened after Supergirl had put her down safely on her balcony. _I was getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called._ The memory stings in her chest. It’s yet another instance in which she should have been suspicious, but had simply brushed off. She’s lost count of the amount of memories like this one that have resurfaced in the past two weeks. Memories that seem to be ridiculing her inability to see the obvious. Memories that make her wonder how many times her friends – _their_ friends – had laughed about it behind her back. It seems like for every good memory of Supergirl, there is a reminder of Kara’s secrecy, attached like a shadow. Lena takes another sip of wine to wash away the sour taste of hurt and betrayal in her mouth.

“I wish I could meet Supergirl”, Saskia muses and it interrupts Lena’s thoughts.

Her fascination sounds so genuine, so child-like, that Lena almost pulls out her phone to call Supergirl as a favor. _No,_ Lena reminds herself. _If I call Supergirl, I call Kara. They’re the same person._

“I don’t know anything about alien physiology, but I am a little curious about that superhuman strength, to be honest …” Saskia smirks.

Lena rolls her eyes again. “It’s the yellow sunlight that powers her strengths”, she says matter-of-factly, ignoring the insinuation.

“She really is strong, she-“ another memory suddenly flashes before Lena’s eyes. One of Kara and her at the gym. Lena wonders if Kara ever forgets to fake exhaustion or hurt. She wonders how many times she’s overlooked that, too. Her thoughts wander back to the many times they’ve worked out together, the many times Lena had admired Kara’s strong frame and fitness-

“Is that a dreamy look on your face right now?” Saskia’s voice cuts through Lena’s thoughts again. Her tone is teasing, and she has an eyebrow raised.

Lena desperately tries not to, but she blushes. She curses the wine that’s flowing through her veins.

“Oh my God, you think Supergirl is hot too. I knew it!” Saskia laughs.

“I do _not_” Lena says weakly.

In the moment, she feels like they’re 14 again. Lena visiting Saskia on vacation from boarding school, the two of them hanging out in the big, empty house while Saskia’s parents are at work. Talking by the pool, finding comfort in the confusion they both shared about having crushes on girls.

Saskia winks at her. “It’s okay. Your secret is safe with me.” She makes a gesture of zipping her mouth shut and laughs.

Lena says nothing and eats the rest of the cold slice of pizza instead.

“So, you’re dating anyone right now?” Saskia says it with the same inquiring voice she used during those summer holidays, curious about the latest gossip from Lena’s boarding school. Now that Lena thinks about it, around 14 must have been the last time she visited Saskia in Melbourne. She had graduated early and went to college, leaving no time for idle chats with her sister on another continent. The wine in her veins paints her guilt a crimson red.

“_Me_? I’m busy running a Fortune 500 company, I don’t exactly have time to _date_” Lena responds, hoping that her voice isn’t as high and defensive as it sounds to her ears.

“But there’s someone you’d like to go on a date with?” Saskia smirks.

Lena tries to avoid the question by sipping her wine. It makes her cough, however, and she has to look away from Saskia.

“So that’s a yes?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lena doesn’t know what makes her say it – perhaps the fact that she’s half-drunk and _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it.

She expects Saskia to tease her about it, but her sister only stares at her for a split second before she responds. “Fair enough.”

“So what about you?”

“What?”

“Oh come on, Saskia. I’m asking you back. Are you dating anyone?”

Saskia bites her lip. “You know how I am, Lena. I don’t do relationships.”

“But there is someone you would like to date?”

“I don’t want to talk about it either.”

Lena is taken aback, but figures it’s only fair. “Well then.”

They drink their wine in silence for a while. Lena feels tired. She can hardly believe that it’s only been a little over 12 hours since Saskia reappeared in her life. There is still so much they don’t know about each other, so much they avoid talking about. Regardless, there is a certain familiarity in Saskia’s presence, come into being over the course of the evening. It might be the wine, but Lena feels like she wants to get to know her twin again. She still doesn’t know what made Saskia come here, or how long she plans on staying. It might be the loneliness she has felt for the last two weeks, but she regrets ever pushing her sister away. Isn’t Saskia the only family member who has never done her wrong? Lex’ face appears in her mind’s eye, his dying breath shattering her world.

“It’s getting late”, Saskia says into the silence of the room and she makes a move to get up from the couch. Lena realizes that Saskia is at least tipsy, too.

“Do you want to come over again tomorrow? I … I would like to catch up”, Lena says as she gets up too. She needs a second to steady her feet.

Saskia gives her a look Lena can’t read. “I’m happy you want to catch up. But I’m having plans tomorrow night. I can come over Wednesday?”

“You have friends in National City?” Lena is confused, but then again – she knows nothing about Saskia’s life.

Saskia looks away. “Something like that.”

If Lena had been sober, she would have found the flicker in Saskia’s eyes suspicious. Right now, though, she doesn’t dwell on it, and they make their way to the front door.

The buzzing of Lena’s phone on the kitchen island directs both of their attention toward it, and Lena clumsily rushes to look at it. In her dazed state, she realizes too late the text can only be from one person. Sure enough, she unlocks her phone to find a good night text from Kara. Her heart tightens the way it has every night for the last two weeks. Every night, without fail, Kara texts her good night, even though Lena never responds. She wonders if she never talks to Kara again, if Kara would just continue to text her good night forever?

“Something important?” Saskia asks from the other side of the room, her hand resting on the doorknob.

Lena puts her phone down and shakes her head. “No.”

At the front door, Saskia turns and regards Lena for a long moment. “I’m glad I made the trip to National City. I’ve missed you.”

She gives her a short hug. Before Lena can hug her back, however, Saskia is out of the door. The heavy click with which the door falls into lock resonates through the hallway before it is drowned out by an ambulance passing by on the street below. The blue light flashes in through the curtains.

Lena makes her way back to the living room. She stares at her phone, then at the empty pizza boxes. She thinks of the ambulance and briefly wonders if Supergirl went out to rescue someone. She thinks of Kara’s good night text and wonders if Kara misses her. She can’t fathom anyone genuinely missing her.

She gets herself a glass of water and sits down on the couch. She wonders what it is that someone would miss about her. Someone without ulterior motives such as committing mass genocide to the alien population. A hollow laugh escapes her throat.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there, looking at the city lights, thinking about nothing. In a sleepy, wine-induced haze she gets up, takes her phone and gets ready for bed. She sets her alarm for her usual 5:30 am.

Before she puts her phone on the night stand, she opens her messages with Kara again. She tells herself she only opens them to make the notification go away, but finds herself staring at the row of good night texts, all unanswered. She sighs. She starts typing, stops, then starts again. She sends the text before she can think too much about it, and falls asleep almost instantly.

_Good night, Kara._


	6. Six

“How does this one look?” Kara carefully steps out of the dressing room and does a little turn.

The look Nia gives her tells her enough. “Ah … maybe try the other one?”

Kara sighs. They’ve been shopping for dresses for the past two hours, and they’re at the third store. Kara feels hungry and tired, and frankly bored. She wonders why she can’t just wear any of the dresses she has at home for the Pulitzer prize ceremony. It’s not like she deserves the award, anyways.

Her eyes land on her phone on the stool in the dressing room as she turns to go back in. She’s lost count of the times she opened her messages with Lena during the day, simply to stare at her reply. She still has a hard time believing it’s real. It almost makes her want to feel hopeful – even if hope seems like a most reckless feeling.

“Kara.” Nia’s voice cuts through her thoughts.

“Hey, why don’t you try on the last one you picked out and if that one’s not it either, we can just go eat dinner and try again on Saturday? You still have time”, she says softly.

Kara sags her shoulders. “Okay.”

She wishes she could simply use super speed to dress and undress the way she usually does at home. Though lately she hasn’t used any of her powers casually – not to dress, nor to reheat leftovers at night. She catches sight of herself in the mirror. Her hair is still in a bun from work, and all she wants to do is go home and let her hair down and wear something comfortable. That, and think about what to reply to Lena.

She changes into the last dress and appears in front of Nia again. This time, Nia doesn’t look as disapproving. The dress is a light lavender color, and it accentuates Kara’s deep blue eyes.

“Let me zip you up”, her friend suggests and Kara turns to let Nia do that.

As soon as Nia’s hands touch the fabric, her friend freezes for a moment, then stumbles backward. Her eyes are wide, Kara finds when she turns around in surprise.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-“ Nia is breathing heavily.

“Your dress-“

“What about my dress?” Kara looks down on herself as if she expects to be in flames.

“The dress. It’s the one you will be wearing to the award ceremony.”

Kara tilts her head. “How do you know? I mean, I like it, and it’s certainly better than the other one’s I’ve tried on today but-“

“I had a vision”, Nia mumbles and steps closer to Kara. She looks unsure for a moment, as if debating whether to touch the dress again or not.

“When I touched the dress just now. I saw you at the ceremony, accepting the award. And-, and-“

“What?” Kara feels breathless. Nia doesn’t get visions at random. Whatever happens while she’s wearing the dress, it must have meaning.

“I- I need to tell you something. About a dream I had the other night.”

Kara looks at Nia in disbelief. “What?”

“Not here.”

Nia looks around the store. She accidentally makes eye contact with the store clerk who had helped them pick out the dresses before, and before she can do anything about it, the woman approaches them.

“How are you ladies doing? My, that dress looks wonderful on you, sweetheart!”

Nia shoots Kara an apologetic look. Kara does her best to smile at the clerk.

“Why don’t you take off your glasses and let your hair down so we can see how well the dress suits you? You have such a beautiful face. Let me bring you a pair of earrings to match!”

“Oh no, it’s not necessary, really, I need my glasses, I mean I would be blind without them and-“ Kara stops herself to take a deep breath. “I’m buying the dress!”

A wide smile appears on the clerk’s face, and Nia sighs in relief.

“Wonderful!”

Kara disappears into the dressing room, and this time she does use super speed to change back. She cannot get out of the store fast enough. She pays, politely denies buying a matching set of earrings, and she and Nia walk to a nearby diner in silence.

They find a booth in the corner, away from listening ears, and Kara orders a large serving of sweet potato fries and a chocolate milkshake. She feels like she needs to make up for the last two weeks in which she hadn’t had much of an appetite. Her situation hasn’t changed, but talking to her adoptive mother had helped, and she can’t live for that long without food, anyways. Nia quietly orders a salad and Kara briefly wonders if taking Nia along to lunch with Lena had left the younger girl with a bad influence.

Nia clears her throat. “I’m sorry for not telling you about my dream. I didn’t think it would be important.”

Kara takes a sip of her milkshake and looks at her friend. “You’re Dreamer. Of course your dreams have meaning.”

“I’m sorry. I should have known better. If I’m being honest, I had already forgotten about it until earlier when-“ Nia avoids Kara’s gaze.

“What did you see?” Kara asks softly.

“It’s Lena.”

Kara almost chokes on air. “What do you mean?”

“When I touched your dress, I had a flash of a vision. Lena will be presenting you the award with an emotional speech, and the two of you will embrace.”

Kara digs her nails into her palm to keep herself from crying or jumping out of her seat. If Nia says it will happen, then it will happen. Nia may not have known how to control her powers when she first came to CatCo, but she has learnt and grown, and Kara knows from experience that her predictions are reliable.

“And the dream you had?” Her voice is hoarse.

Nia stabs a cherry tomato with her fork, but doesn’t pick it up. “It was strange. There was a fun fair. Except that it was at night. There were no people. The night air was clear and the sky was full of stars. I was flying around, kind of like Supergirl.”

She looks up at Kara. “The fair was empty, but when I flew close to the Ferris wheel, I saw a lone figure sitting in one of the cabins.”

Kara isn’t sure if she wants to hear who it was.

“It was Lena.”

Kara closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath.

“I watched her, and when her cabin reached the top, I noticed another figure approaching the Ferris wheel and enter a cabin. It was, how can I say … a second Lena.” Nia sighs. “The dream ended there.”

Kara doesn’t know what to say. The two friends stare at each other for a long moment.

“It was strange. I don’t know what to make of it. I wish I could interpret the symbolism. Maybe I can call my sister-“

“No”, Kara says in a sharper voice than intended.

“I’m sorry. I just- I don’t know what to think. It must mean something. But I don’t want to make a big fuss out of it.”

Nia furrows her brows. “Are you sure? It’s no problem, my sister can help us.”

“No, no. I don’t- you know I don’t know what’s going on with Lena right now. I feel like I should talk to her in person first, before I think about what your dream could mean. I already feel so conflicted. I want to solve this first.”

“What if they’re connected?”

“What do you mean?”

Nia takes a sip of her water and thinks for a moment. “I kind of saw Lena from Supergirl’s perspective – and it was so lonely. But the second Lena, it seemed like she was trying to get to the first Lena. I don’t know which one was the real Lena. That’s the part I can’t interpret. Maybe Lena’s silence has something to do with something she is dealing with herself? You said yourself, you don’t know for sure if she found out about your secret identity or if it’s unrelated.”

“She replied to me last night.” Kara blurts it out. She’s been thinking about it all day, but she hasn’t told Nia yet, or anyone else for that matter.

“Wait, really?” Nia’s eyes go wide. “What did she write?”

Kara bites her lip. “I’ve been texting her good night every night since the last time I saw her at game night. At first it was just, you know … the usual good night text, but then I continued even when she wouldn’t reply and let my calls go to voicemail … I don’t know why I did it. A matter of habit. And last night she replied, just a simple ‘Good night, Kara’, but it felt so different, you know?” She rambles on, her gaze drifting across the diner.

“Woah. I had no idea you two texted each other good night texts?” Nia does her best not to sound too surprised. She picks up more salad and shoves it in her mouth before she makes a comment she doesn’t want to explain to her friend.

Kara shrugs. “She’s my best friend.”

“Mmh.”

“She is, even with everything that’s going on.” Kara is oblivious to the amused look on Nia’s face.

Nia swallows. “I know, and I think that’s wonderful.”

“So, you agree that I should try to get Lena to meet me in person to talk? I can’t wait until she shows up at CatCo, I mean you know she hasn’t been to the office. I wonder if James has gotten suspicious. I’m going to stop by Alex’ tonight and ask her what she thinks. I fear that Lena has been working herself to near death, I’m almost certain she isn’t eating regularly”, Kara rambles on. Eventually she seems to remember the fries in front of her and shoves a handful into her mouth.

Nia simply watches her while she eats the rest of her salad in silence.

“I just miss her so much. I feel so awful, I wish I could turn back time and do it all differently. Alex said Lena will come around, and I feel like her reply is a start? It’s something, isn’t it?” Kara’s eyes light up for a second before she sighs again. Instead of looking at Nia, she grabs another fry and dips it in peanut sauce.

“I think you two really need to talk and not avoid each other anymore. Whatever made Lena reply to you, I agree it’s a good sign. You know how Lena is, she would rather writher away than confront you. You were the one who lied to her, so I think it’s on you to tell her the truth.” Nia’s tone is soft, but her voice is firm.

Kara looks up. “You’re right.”

She studies Nia’s face for a long moment. Then she smiles and adds: “Hey, when did _you_ become _my_ mentor?”

The two friends giggle, and Kara feels lighter. In a way, knowing that Lena will be presenting her with the award, while she wears the dress that’s in a shopping bag next to her on the bench, it comforts her. No matter what happens, in less than three weeks she will hug Lena again. Nia’s visions have always proven to be right. And about Nia’s dream … she will find out about its meaning in due time.

“So, Nia” Kara eats another fry and gives her friend a teasing look, “how are things between you and Brainy?”

“Oh! Oh, umm …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and the comments and kudos! Every single one makes my day!
> 
> What do you think? Will it take until the award ceremony for Lena and Kara to meet again, or will enough chaos ensue before? And will Kara figure out what the 'second Lena' from Nia's dream means ...?


	7. Seven

Alex runs a nervous hand through her hair and looks between her girlfriend and the visitor in her apartment. Kelly is by the stove, preparing a lasagna after her mother’s recipe. She sprinkles cheese on top, then puts it in the oven and sets a timer. Alex stomach growls in anticipation. Her gaze lingers on Kelly as she takes off Alex’ apron and neatly folds it on the kitchen counter.

“Is it okay if I smoke by the window?” The familiar voice with the unfamiliar accent makes Alex’ head turn.

Saskia is standing in the middle of the room, a package of cigarettes in hand and looking at Alex expectantly. The window is open, the curtains flowing in the light early summer breeze. There is hardly any traffic on the quiet side street that Alex lives on. Only a few sounds come in, such as a dog barking or a child screaming.

“No, please don’t.”

Saskia says nothing and simply shoves the cigarettes back into her back pocket. Kelly goes towards the wine rack to pull out a bottle.

“Would you like some wine instead?”

For a moment it looks like Saskia is about to refuse, but then she shrugs and says: “Sure.”

Alex can tell that Kelly is just a little uncomfortable with having Saskia over as well. They still hardly know the woman at all. Alex still isn’t sure what came over her when she scribbled her phone number onto the magazine, but she couldn’t deny being intrigued by the woman and the secrets she seems to hold.

“So, what made you come to National City?” Kelly asks conversationally when they all sit down on the couch.

“I told you at the bar, I’m here to see Lena.” Saskia looks away from Alex and Kelly and bites her lip.

“Did Lena know you were coming to visit?” Kelly asks softly.

Alex can’t help but admire her girlfriend’s endless patience. Saskia has been there for all of ten minutes and Alex already wants to jump out of her skin. She takes a long sip of her wine, hoping it will help ease her nerves.

“No. We’re not in touch regularly.” Saskia says it as if she’s repeating a statement that she’s said hundreds of times.

“Why did you come over now? It’s an odd timing for sure. You must have heard of Lex’ defeat. Did you come to offer your support to Lena?” Alex asks, doing her best not to sound too interrogative. She can’t shake off her suspicions towards the timing of it all.

Kelly puts a hand on Alex’ thigh and gives her a look. She turns to Saskia. “What Alex wants to ask is, what motivated you to come here now?”

Saskia and Kelly stare at each other for a moment until Saskia sighs. “I did hear about Lex’ death in the news, obviously. I didn’t know if I should feel relieved or sorry for Lena, though. I’ve never been fond of the Luthors. That being said, Lena and Lex were close growing up. But since Lena and I pretty much lost contact for the most part, I don’t know how their relationship developed after that. The last time I saw Lena was when she still lived in Metropolis. We talked a little more last night, but she didn’t mention Lex.”

“So you didn’t come here because of Lex?” Kelly asks.

Saskia puts her head in her hands. “No.”

“So you needed something from Lena?” Kelly’s voice is soft and patient.

“Why are you so good at asking questions I don’t want to answer?” Saskia looks up again. Her voice is low, but it doesn’t sound accusatory. Rather, it sounds scared, as if to confirm Alex’ suspicions that there’s more to the timing of Saskia showing up than she’s letting on.

Kelly smiles. “That’s kind of my job.”

Saskia only hums in response. Alex studies her face closely. She sees the indecision in the way Saskia unclenches her jaw.

“I didn’t come here because I needed anything from Lena,” Saskia hesitates. The words come out slowly. She pulls the cigarette package out of her pocket again and plays with the lid.

“Nothing material, at least. I would never ask her for money. I guess I needed a distraction?”

Saskia looks out of the window. A light turns off in a window in the next building.

“From what?” Kelly asks softly.

“My best friend …” Saskia bites her lip and looks back to Alex and Kelly, “broke off her engagement. Her fiancé fucked her nurse while she was in a coma for cancer treatment.”

Alex’ breath hitches in her throat. She has to resist the urge to get up and hug Saskia. Any malicious intention she had suspected the woman of harboring vanishes in an instant.

Kelly nods. “That’s a lot. Can you tell me what it was about your best friend’s situation that made you seek out Lena here in National City?”

“No”, Saskia says and a low laugh escapes her throat. She takes a cigarette out of the package and fumbles with it. She puts it back a second later and instead reaches for her wine glass on the couch table.

She avoids looking at either Alex or Kelly. When she speaks, her voice is hoarse. “Please don’t make me say it.” She takes a gulp of wine.

Alex and Kelly share a look. Kelly’s lips are pursed, and her eyes are searching Alex’ face. Suddenly, Alex understands. Saskia doesn’t have to say it. Alex understands from the way Saskia’s chin is quivering ever so slightly, and from the death grip she has on her wine glass. Kelly gives Alex a subtle nod.

Saskia gets up in one swift motion. She paces back and forth the short distance between the couch and the open window. Her shoes make no sound on the soft carpet, but she clinks her well-manicured finger nails against the empty wine glass.

“Lena and I were adopted when we were four. Our mother died in an accident. I have never known about our biological father. I don’t remember our life before the orphanage. Then one day, maybe a few months after our mother’s death, two men came to pick us up. One of them was the head of the Luthor family, the other one of the De Merindol family. They separated us, and we both cried when we realized.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, and Alex closes her eyes to focus on it.

Alex knows it’s a distraction from the question Kelly asked, but she can’t blame Saskia. She feels strange, hearing about Lena’s past in this way. Over the years, she’s become closer to Lena, but never enough so to talk personal things. Lena had Kara for that. And Kara, ever the loyal friend even through her lies and secrecy, would have never told Alex Lena’s secrets. It makes Alex wonder, just for a second, if Kara knows about Saskia. If everything that Alex has been learning about since Friday night is familiar to her sister, if Lena trusted Kara enough to reveal something like this. Alex shakes her head. It seems much more like Lena to keep this to herself. Just like Kara had kept her own secret.

Kelly gently runs her hand up and down Alex’ arm, and Alex opens her eyes to find Saskia standing in the middle of the room again.

Saskia doesn’t turn around, and instead goes behind the kitchen counter. On instinct, Alex wants to get up in a haste and offer more wine, to be a good host, but Kelly gently holds her back. With a familiarity as if Saskia is no stranger to her home, she opens the fridge and looks inside, then closes it again. Alex wants to ask what it is she wants, maybe a can of soda or a snack, but she hesitates. Kelly and Alex watch Saskia quietly look at the pictures on Alex’ fridge. They’re held in place by kitschy tourist magnets that Alex hates but Kara brings her anyways every time she goes on a trip.

For a minute or so, the apartment falls silent again, apart from the nervous tapping of Alex’ foot against the couch that Kelly can’t seem to stop her do despite her best efforts.

Saskia lets out a huff of air and smiles, then turns around to meet Alex’ eyes. “Is that Kara?” Her finger is on a photo of Alex, Eliza and Kara at Eliza’s birthday party a year or so ago. They’re all wearing ridiculous party hats (Kara’s idea, obviously) and Kara is grinning at the camera, a box of pizza in her hands.

“Yeah” Alex says softly. Kelly looks between the two of them, and gently nudges Alex to get up and join Saskia.

“You two don’t look much alike” Saskia states the obvious, but Alex can hear the faint question behind it. She leans with her elbows on the opposite side of the kitchen counter.

“Kara is adopted.”

She has told so many different people so many different times, used to being asked this very question. Yet, in this moment and having heard Lena’s and Saskia’s story, it feels different. More significant. Like there’s more that connects these women than meets the eye.

Saskia looks surprised for a millisecond, but then schools her expression back into her usual aloof, unreadable form. “It’s something she has in common with Lena, then. That makes sense.”

She doesn’t ask about the how’s and why’s and when’s, and Alex knows it’s because Saskia has been asked those questions too many times in her life, too, likely in the same pitying voice Kara was so used to hearing as a teenager. Saskia keeps looking at the pictures, smiling at one of Alex and Kelly at the beach. There is another picture, in the lower middle of the fridge, and Alex can see the moment Saskia spots Lena in the picture by the way her finger freezes mid-air.

“That’s from game night, around two years ago on Christmas I think”, Alex rushes to answer the question before Saskia even asks it. Kelly isn’t in the picture, a sudden yet constant reminder to Alex how new their relationship really is. She swallows hard.

Saskia takes another look at the picture and hums. Then she grins. “Hey, who’s this? He’s hot. Your friend group is fair hot.”

Alex eye’s go wide when she sees who Saskia is pointing at. It’s James, sitting next to Lena. Alex vaguely remembers this night as the night Sam and Kara tried to convince Lena to approach James, and she cringes visibly.

Kelly gets up from the couch to take a closer look at the picture Saskia is pointing at. “Oh God, that’s my brother James!”

Saskia looks at the picture again, and then laughs too. Kelly nudges Alex, knowing full well that Alex always thought Lena and James were a mismatch.

“I can’t believe Lena goes to game nights …” Saskia mumbles to herself.

Kelly chuckles. “She does, and she’s the star at trivial pursuit. Well, except for the pop culture questions, but that’s why she’s great in a team with Kara.”

Saskia stares at Kelly like she’s waiting for a punch line there, or to tell them they photoshopped Lena into the picture.

Alex can’t help but smile. The revelation of Lena attending game nights for fun with her friends seems to shake Saskia’s fundamental beliefs in the ways of the world.

“Just so we’re clear,” Saskia drawls out and puts a hand on her hip in a manner that once again reminds Alex of Lena, “my sister Lena, who hasn’t celebrated a single holiday since she was like, 16, goes to game night at her friend’s house on a regular basis? On _Christmas_, even?”

Kelly and Alex only nod. Kelly bites her lip to not laugh out loud.

“Wow.” Saskia breathes out audibly. She looks impressed.

“I really need to meet this Kara. Does she have superpowers or something? It takes a lot to get Lena out of her office before 9 pm.”

Alex takes in a sharp breath, ready to deny any connection between her sister and superpowers, before she realizes it was said as a throw-away joke. She opens her mouth to return something witty, but has no time to get it out. Saskia’s eyes are suddenly focused on something behind Alex and Kelly.

Alex hears the familiar swoosh sound before she turns around and sees a blur of red, blue and gold come flying through the open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday! I won't have time to update next week, so I'm going to leave you with this cliff-hanger :)


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a Saturday, which means a new update! Here's the long-awaited chapter. I hope I did it justice ...

The city is quiet, and there is not a single cloud in the sky. The sun is just about to set, its long rays painting the water in the bay a glistening orange and red. Kara flies a last round over downtown, then turns towards the direction of Alex’ apartment. As she flies past the L-Corp tower, she wonders if Lena is still sitting at her desk, working until late at night as usual. She doesn’t fly close enough to check, however, afraid Lena might see her as Supergirl. It’s not how she wants their reunion to happen.

She hadn’t even intended on being Supergirl tonight. But as she was walking to Alex’ apartment, she had heard two high-pitched screams from a few blocks away. What she had thought to be an emergency turned out to be a cat stuck in a tree and a little girl crying underneath, unable to get her pet. It had been worth it, though, seeing the awestruck look on the little girl’s face when Supergirl approached.

Kara is caught up in her thoughts after her eventful day. She doesn’t hover outside of Alex’ building to listen if Alex is alone – she hadn’t texted her sister she was coming over, but Alex had suggested it on the phone the day before. She only sees the open window and smells the welcoming smell of food.

She flies in through the open window. “Hey Alex, I have so many things to tell y-“

Kara lands in the middle of the room, her cape making an accompanying swooshing sound. She’s greeted by three pairs of wide eyes staring at her.

“I’m sorry Alex, I didn’t know Kelly was here … and …” Kara turns around to look at the third woman. “… Lena?”

Her breath hitches in her throat. What would Alex and Kelly be talking to Lena about behind her back? Lena looks at her with a curious expression – there is surprise in her eyes, but also delight. It’s the same look the little girl had given Kara earlier when she rescued her cat. However, something is askew. Kara looks Lena up and down. She can hear Lena’s heart pounding in her chest. Only ... the rhythm is different. Kara has heard Lena’s heartbeat in a countless number of situations – having lunch together, rescuing her from a crashing helicopter, before Lena goes on stage for a presentation – and this rhythm is different from all of them. Kara is sure of it. She puts her hands on her hips.

“You’re not Lena.”

Kelly and Alex gasp. The woman – not Lena – raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Supergirl. What a nice surprise. No, I’m not Lena. How did you know?”

Kara blinks in surprise. The woman’s nonchalant way of speaking catches her off guard. The voice is similar to Lena’s, but it’s an accent she’s not sure she’s heard before. It’s certainly not one spoken in National City or its surrounding towns.

“Your heartbeat is different.”

The woman purses her lips and tilts her head. She forgoes a verbal response and instead looks Kara up and down for a long moment. Her stare seems to burn through Kara as if she had heat vision herself. Kara feels like the woman sees right through her.

In an attempt to appear more confident than she really feels, Kara takes a small step forward and readjusts her hands on her hips. The classic pose does nothing to calm her racing thoughts. Kara drags her eyes up and down the figure of the woman. She notices another difference.

“And you don’t have the freckles on your neck that Lena has.” The observation leaves her mouth before she can stop it, and it does nothing to erase the amused look on the woman’s face. If anything, it only seems to grow.

Alex and Kelly exchange a glance that Kara has no time to analyze.

“Who are you?” Kara wants nothing more than to escape the scrutiny of the strange woman. Asking a straight-forward question seems like a good way to distract from her nerves. And also, to simply get an answer to the question that’s been on her mind for this entire exchange.

“Saskia. Lena’s twin sister.”

The answer is as straight-forward and simple as it is even more unnerving. Kara blinks slowly, the little wheels in her head processing what has just been said. “Lena doesn’t have a twin sister. She’s my best friend. I would know that.”

Saskia lets out a low laugh. She looks at her for another long moment. “You must be Kara.”

Kara’s eyes go wide, and out of the corner of her eyes she can see Alex practically jump in surprise. Kelly places a hand on Alex’ arm.

Alex takes a step forward. “Saskia! What? Where- where did you get that idea from?”

“Oh, please. Supergirl doesn’t just fly in through anyone’s window and then declares Lena Luthor her best friend. Besides, glasses and a ponytail? Really?” Saskia scoffs.

“I hope this isn’t a sensitive question, but is Lena aware of your superhero identity or does she only know you as Kara? We talked about Supergirl the other day, but she didn’t say anything about you at all.”

“You what!?” Kara interrupts Saskia, her voice higher than intended.

Saskia looks from Kara, to the flabbergasted looks on Alex’ and Kelly’s faces. “Oh God. Oh no …”

Alex and Kara give each other a look.

“Don’t tell me Lena doesn’t know that you, Kara, are Supergirl. And in turn you, Kara, didn’t know Lena had a twin sister.” Saskia runs a hand through her hair in an uncharacteristically nervous manner.

Kara bites her lip. “I … guess?”

Everyone is quiet for a moment. It is then that Kara realizes Alex must have known about Saskia for a while if the woman is casually lounging in her apartment. Kara and Alex start talking at the same time.

“Alex, what’s going o-?”

“Kara, I can expla-”

“Guys!” Kelly’s firm voice cuts in between before the sisters can start to fight.

“Let’s all sit down and talk. Everyone here has a lot of explaining to do.” She puts her arm around Alex, then walks around the kitchen island to the oven to check the timer.

“The lasagna is almost done. Let’s sit down and eat to talk.”

Saskia only nods, passes Kelly on her way to the couch and downs the rest of her wine. The Danvers sisters keep standing there, glaring at each other. Kara’s hands are on her hips, and she doesn’t know if she wants to cry because evidently Alex was keeping a secret from her or if she just wants to melt Alex’ face off in anger.

Alex gulps. “Kara, can you change into your normal clothes? I want to talk to just Kara right now, not Supergirl.”

Kara had planned on changing once she got here anyways, so she simply super speeds to the bathroom and back without saying a word. Once she’s back, she finds Saskia staring at her, her jaw on the floor.

“Wow.”

It makes Kara feel a little self-conscious. She knows Alex’ apartment as a safe space where she can be fully herself. Reheating leftovers with her heat vision, flying in through the window with Chinese take-out, hovering in the air to reach a higher cabinet. This is where she has cried over ex-boyfriends and celebrated her earth-birthday. Having a stranger there makes her feel a sense of unease she hasn’t felt in a while.

Kelly takes the lasagna out of the oven, and the smell makes Kara’s stomach rumble. She remembers the split moment of awkwardness when Alex admitted to her that Kelly had figured out she was Supergirl, but then Kelly had hugged her and everything had been alright. Now, with Saskia, she’s not so sure.

Alex is typing away on her phone, her brows furrowed. “Babe, what are you doing? Help me set the table?”, Kelly asks from the other side of the room.

“I’m contacting J’onn to print out every NDA we have available” Alex deadpans. She gets up without another glance at Kara or Saskia and joins Kelly.

Kara swallows hard. _I should have texted before I came here._ She sits on the couch on the opposite side of Saskia in uncomfortable silence. To distract herself, she watches Alex and Kelly taking out plates and cutlery. _They’re so cute together. Alex is so lucky. _

Alex and Kelly set the table and refill the wine. The tension is thick. Neither of them wants to break the ice. Kara eats her first piece of lasagna in record time even by her standards, then takes a good sip of the wine. She can’t help but wish it was Lena sitting next to her, not a stranger who looks like Lena. She wonders if Lena is still in her office, using the late hour to make phone calls with investors in Asia. She wonders what Lena would think if she walked in right now.

“Saskia, why don’t you start explaining to Kara why you’re in National City?” Kelly asks after a while, as Kara is finishing her second helping.

Saskia hums, drawing out the sound. She shifts in her seat so she can face Kara. The two women look at each other, and Kara feels that sense of unease again. Saskia’s face is so familiar, and yet …

“I’m sorry, Kara, that you have to find out about me this way. And vice versa, I suppose.” Saskia laughs lowly. “I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

Saskia begins to tell Kara everything she has told Alex and Kelly. Kara’s eyes go wider with each new revelation. Her heart hurts for Saskia, and she feels angry at Lena. Not for keeping Saskia a secret from her – she doesn’t exactly get to judge that decision – but for shutting Saskia out. She tries to imagine living on another continent as Alex and shudders. Nevertheless, keeping her family at a distance sounds like something Lena would do.

“I can’t imagine what Lena is going through currently. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had the Luthors adopted me. I couldn’t do it. My adoptive family is full of selfish pricks, but the Luthors are something else. I do admire Lena a lot.” Saskia concludes and takes a sip of her wine. She doesn’t look at anyone for a moment.

“Oh, but-“

Kara suddenly remembers something Lena had confided in her two or so years prior. Lena had visited her mother in prison, and come back an emotional mess. _Lena is Lionel’s biological child. That means Saskia is, too. But the way Saskia talks about the Luthors … _ Kara’s heart starts beating out of her chest, and she’s glad no one else in the room has the powers to pick up on it. _Saskia doesn’t know she’s …? Oh, Rao. Oh no. Lena …_

“Hm?” Saskia tilts her head.

“Oh! Nothing.” Kara tries to smile. “I just thought that it’s very like Lena to keep people at an emotional distance.”

“That is true.”

Alex clears her throat. “I’m sorry for not telling you about meeting Saskia, Kara. Do you understand now?”

Kara picks up the last bite of lasagna and chews it with care to avoid her answer. She can feel Alex’ stare on her. She wants to not be mad at Alex. She knows she has no right to be mad at her, given her own situation. And yet, she feels like no matter how many lies she’s told in the past three years; she doesn’t deserve being lied to. When would Alex have told her? Why had she trusted a stranger, but evidently not Kara? Kara could have helped them. Out of the four of them, she’s the one closest to Lena, after all. That is, she used to be until two weeks ago. Kara sighs.

“I’m not sure yet.”

Alex doesn’t respond and only looks down at her empty plate. Kelly sends an apologetic look to Kara and runs her finger tips over her girlfriend’s arm. Kara is mad at Alex, but she can’t be mad at Kelly. Kelly, who is always looking to keep the peace between everyone. Kara is sure that without Kelly’s presence tonight, she might have actually melted Alex’ face off. Or Saskia’s. Or both. She gives Kelly a sad smile, hoping it tells her enough.

Saskia bites her lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what a mess my presence would create. Lena was right, I shouldn’t have shown up just like that.”

“No,” Kelly interrupts her, “you didn’t do anything wrong, Saskia. Alex and I made the decision to follow your wish to not tell Kara, and now we have to live with the consequences. You had your own reasons to come to National City.” She smiles softly at Saskia. “We can figure it out together.”

“Thank you”, Saskia whispers.

In that moment she looks so vulnerable, so much like Lena in the raw, personal moments she has shared with Kara, that Kara has to fight the urge to hug Saskia. She’s only known Lena’s twin for about an hour – nevertheless there are certain similarities in their demeanor that make her miss Lena so much it hurts. She realizes she can’t be mad at Saskia, not in the way she’s mad at Alex.

“Why did you and Lena have a fall-out?” Saskia adds after a heartbeat.

Alex sighs. Kara doesn’t want to talk about it, but she knows she can’t avoid the question. Not after Saskia has laid bare her own story.

“Is it because you’re Supergirl?” Saskia asks, not waiting for anyone to speak up.

Kara nods. “After we defeated Lex, Lena hasn’t been the same. She hasn’t let any of us near her, not responding to my texts or calls.” She remembers Lena’s reply from the night before and hangs her head. She came over to tell Alex about it and come up with a game plan. It will have to wait.

“She likes to be alone and not share her feelings, but this is different. I think she somehow figured out I was Supergirl. I meant to tell her. After our last game night. But I didn’t. I feel so, so stupid. I hurt her, and I will never forgive myself. And if it’s about something else – then I don’t know what I did wrong, and that scares me even more.” Kara’s voice is small, and she wraps an arm around her own torso.

“I’m sorry, Kara” Saskia says, and it sounds genuine. Kara gives her a sad smile.

“How did Lena never figure it out by herself? Don’t you think she must’ve known all along?”

“It wouldn’t make sense, considering her sudden change in behavior”, Alex chimes in.

Kara shudders at the thought. “Lena is the smartest woman I know. If one person could figure it out, it would be her. And yet, she never did.”

Saskia looks at Kara for a long moment. For the first time since they started dinner, an amused expression finds its way back onto Saskia’s face. She shoots Alex a knowing look. Kara feels like she is missing a joke, like the others have suddenly developed J’onn’s mind-reading abilities and she’s the only one left out. Even Kelly has raised an eyebrow. Alex sighs. Saskia takes her wine glass and swirls the wine around before she speaks.

“Love really is blind.”


	9. Nine

“Good morning”, Kara greets the agents and staff members as she hurries down the wide stair case into the heart of the downtown DEO office. Her boots are clicking on the tiles, and she’s carrying a coffee from Noonan’s and a bag of donuts.

“Supergirl, I’m glad you could make it today!” J’onn announces as Kara approaches and crosses his arms.

Kara sets the coffee and donuts on a nearby desk. “What’s the occasion? Do you need my help?”

“No occasion. Just that you haven’t been to the DEO in two weeks, and I wanted to call you in. This is your place of work too, Supergirl.” J’onn’s voice is strict, but not unfriendly.

Kara knows he’s right of course. Yet, the DEO is the last place she wants to be at right now. She doesn’t feel like being Supergirl, at least not unless there is an emergency. Which there seems not to be, so she wonders why she’s here instead of preparing her 10 am meeting at CatCo. Also, the DEO has Alex in it, and Kara doesn’t feel like being Alex’ sister right now, either.

As if on cue, her sister walks in. “Oh, good morning, Supergirl. It’s good that you’re here, Brainy wants your opinion on something for the new suit. He wants it to have pants.”

Kara wants to feel excited at the prospect of pants for her new suit, she really does, but she’s still angry with Alex. Alex, who now spots the lone cup of coffee. On any other day Kara would bring one for her as well. The unreadable expression on her sister’s face makes Kara want to fly out of the window and not come back for another two weeks.

“Great, I’ll talk to him later, then.” Kara says and avoids Alex’ gaze. She picks up the coffee and takes a sip. She can’t feel extreme heat or cold, but she imagines it tastes a little like the guilt coating her tongue over being too petty to bring her sister a cup of coffee.

“Did something happen?” J’onn asks, his brows furrowed in concern. “I could easily read your minds, but I would prefer you told me what it is you’re arguing about. Is it about the person who found out about your civilian identity last night, Supergirl?”

Kara blinks in confusion, then remembers Alex texted him to prepare an NDA. She sighs. She can only hope to never have to bring Saskia to the DEO in person. It had been enough trouble bringing Lena here, and-

The memory of working as a team with Lena as Supergirl is too painful.

“Yes, J’onn. It’s complicated. I’m sorry.” Kara doesn’t know what else to tell him.

Alex crosses her arms in front of her chest. She looks around to see if other agents are around, but no one is in earshot. “J’onn, did you know that Lena has a twin sister?”

The surprised look on J’onn’s face says it all. Alex gives him a quick run-down of the last few days. Kara heard it all the day before, but hearing it again makes her reconsider her anger towards Alex. Maybe it’s because she’s at the DEO again for the first time in a while, or because of the genuine hurt in Alex’ eyes just earlier, or because J’onn is looking at the two of them like he’s been reading their minds, anyways. But Kara can feel her anger melt away as if she used her heat vision on it.

_Getting more information on Saskia before telling me was not a bad idea, actually. I would have only freaked out. I would have probably confronted Lena without thinking, I was still so upset just last weekend._

When Alex is finished, J’onn scratches the back of his head and starts pacing around. “I will think about the NDA. It might not be a smart move to alert Saskia to the existence of the DEO, even if she has no harmful intentions towards aliens in general or Supergirl in particular. But she still seems to be under the impression that you, Alex, work for the FBI, and it might be best to keep it that way.”

Alex nods.

“And whatever else it is that you four are dealing with, I hope you can figure it out together. That’s the only advice I can give you. Especially the two of you, you are a team, remember? Neither of you would do something to intentionally hurt the other. Keep that in mind.” He gives them an encouraging smile, then walks away.

Kara and Alex look after him, then make eye contact. They speak at the same time.

“Kara, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-“

“Alex, it’s okay I-“

Kara can’t help it - she starts to laugh. Alex gives her a strange look, but then a grin spreads across her face.

“J’onn is right. We are a team. You had your reasons to keep Saskia away from me. I’m sorry for not bringing you coffee” Kara says, and she feels like herself for the first time that morning when Alex smiles back at her and walks over to give her a hug. She hugs her sister back without hesitation.

When they separate, Alex purses her lips in amusement. “You never told me if you found a dress when you went shopping with Nia.”

“See, that’s what I was coming over for last night!” Kara makes a wide gesture as if to comprise the last 24 hours, and the sisters share a laugh.

Alex raises an eyebrow. “So, can I see a picture?”

“Oh!” Kara exclaims. “Oh, I forgot to take one. There’s actually something I needed to tell you, about the dress-“

Her sister only tilts her head and waits for her to continue when Kara stops mid-sentence.

“Nia had a vision when she touched it.”

“What?”

“She saw me wearing it at the award ceremony. In the vision, Lena presented the award to me.” Kara’s eyes light up. She feels butterflies in her stomach just at the thought of seeing Lena again. She wonders if she will get a chance to see Lena before, or if the award ceremony will be the first time they meet again.

She finds Alex staring at her with an open mouth. “How are you so sure the vision is accurate? I mean I know Dreamer doesn’t just get random visions, but it doesn’t make sense. You haven’t talked to Lena in almost three weeks.”

“No, you see this is the other thing I needed to tell you” Kara says, her excitement not faltering. “Lena texted me back two nights ago!”

“Kara, you’re only telling me this now?”

“I meant to tell you yesterday, but then-“ Kara looks around but still no other agents are in ear-shot, she lowers her voice anyways “-Saskia was there and it was all so chaotic. Lena has replied to my good night texts for the last two nights. We haven’t texted anything else, but this means something, right?” She can’t help but need to hear Alex’ approval.

“I’m happy for you, Kara” Alex says and smiles.

Kara’s eyes go wide. She has an idea. “Now with Saskia in the picture, maybe she can help me get through to Lena? Can you give me Saskia’s number?”

“Kara.” Alex’ smile fades and she gives her sister a stern look. “No. You and Lena, you need to do this on your own. We don’t even know if Lena knows that we know Saskia. I assume she doesn’t. Either way, that is on _Saskia_ to tell her. We shouldn’t make this more of a mess than it already is.”

“Yeah,” Kara mumbles sheepishly. “You’re right. We need to sort out our issues separately. I wonder how long Saskia plans on staying, anyways.”

Alex nods and is about to say something when Kara gasps. “Oh, Rao.”

Kara suddenly remembers the other thing Nia told her about. The dream with the two Lenas. It hits her like a truck. _No, not two Lenas. Lena and Saskia. _

Alex looks concerned, but before Kara has time to explain, her phone rings in her pocket. She fumbles to get it, and when she sees Nia calling her, it makes her even more frantic.

“Nia! Hey!”

“Kara, where are you? We were gonna go over my presentation for the meeting.” Nia sounds confused at the other end of the line.

“Right! I’ll be there in a minute! I’m already on my way!” Kara splutters and hangs up.

“I’ve got to go, I really need to get to CatCo, sorry Alex-“ she grabs her coffee and donuts and super speeds out of the DEO building without turning back.

“What were you going to tell me? Supergirl?” she hears Alex calling after her, but she doesn’t slow down.

She doesn’t know why, but she feels grateful for the exit before she has to explain the dream and its meaning to Alex. If Nia dreamt about Saskia, if Kara interprets the dream correctly, it must all mean something more. It all feels like it’s happening at once all of a sudden, and Kara feels like she needs more time to process it all. That, or superspeed through the days until the award ceremony so she can finally hug Lena again. She isn’t sure what she would prefer.

She flies to CatCo, changes into her work outfit and is by Nia’s side less than two minutes later.

Nia looks at her with a strange expression. “You look like you just flew in”, she whispers. “Supergirl emergency?”

“Oh, no” Kara laughs. “I was just … at Alex’ place. I told her about the vision you had.” She sits down in the empty seat next to Nia as nonchalantly as possible.

“Really? What did she say? Oh, and did you think about the dream interpretation? I’m so lost, but maybe Alex can help us figure it out?” Nia’s eyes light up.

Kara has to bite her lip to suppress a long sigh. She feels grateful that her friend is so eager to help her with the dream interpretation. However, she doesn’t want to share Saskia’s existence with Nia. She feels like the less people in Lena’s life know about her, the better for now. Especially since Lena seems to have no clue that Saskia knows any of them – Alex, Kelly, and now Kara _and_ Supergirl. Kara doesn’t want Nia to worry about Lena, either. If Nia can simply help Kara to reconnect with Lena, then that’s more than enough for Kara.

“No” she shakes her head. “But anyways, let’s get started on your presentation! What did you need help with?”

Nia looks at Kara for a long moment as if wanting to say something more. She only tilts her head, however, and then focuses on the presentation on her laptop.

“I just need you to look through the slides to see if the data is easy to understand. I really want James to assign me the article on first-time voters in the upcoming special election, and I need to make a good impression with the research I have so far,” Nia says and takes a deep breath.

“Alright!” Kara makes a fist pump in the air and grins. “Let’s get to work! There’s no need to be nervous, I already know you did a great job and James would be foolish to give the article to someone else.” Kara smiles at Nia.

“Thank you, Kara.” Nia smiles back.

Kara clicks through the presentation, and her focus shifts to just that. She’s glad to have something else to do than worry about the mess her life has become. She gives Nia advice on how to present a statistic in a way its main conclusion is instantly clear to the audience. Nia listens with attention and takes notes, and together they make some adjustments to the presentation. When she gets assigned to the article later in their meeting, Kara gives Nia a high five.

Kara works on a fluff piece about adoptable cats and dogs from a local shelter until she goes home. It makes her feel a sense of normalcy she hasn’t felt in a while. She doesn’t talk to Nia about dreams or visions or Pulitzer prize ceremonies, and when James walks by her desk after lunch they talk about getting new plants for the office – not Supergirl, or Guardian, or Lena’s notable absence from CatCo.

It all feels so normal. Texting Lena goodnight before she goes to sleep and Lena replying instantly, almost feels normal again, too. It’s when she brushes her teeth and stares at her reflection in the mirror that she remembers Saskia’s words from the night before, uttered with such conviction. And yet, their meaning is still lost on Kara. _Love really is blind._ Kelly and Alex had exchanged a look – the second one that night that had made Kara feel like she’s missing something – and the conversation had carried on. Kara had said nothing, not even when Saskia had stared at her as if to extract words from Kara by sheer force of will.

Lena is Kara’s best friend, of course Kara loves Lena. Maybe they had been blind to each other’s secrets, but Kara feels like they’re on their way of resolving that. To return to that sense of normalcy that has been lacking from Kara’s life since Lena stopped talking to her. To return to eating lunch together, watching Netflix with Chinese take-out, and being partners at game-night.

Kara dries her face off on her towel, then averts her eyes from her own stare in the mirror. Saskia’s appearance has raised more questions than answers. It has left Kara more hurt and more understanding of Lena at the same time. Not seeing Lena in person is making Kara restless. She’s terrified of seeing Lena again – and yet it’s all she’s hoping for. Like the Ferris Wheel in Nia’s dream, Lena is the sole occupant of the space in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy update Saturday! this one is a few hours later than usual because i had a Bad Day lmao but anyways! my last update for this year! I'm going home for Christmas next weekend which in my case means flying across half the globe ... yes I'm the sister that lives on another continent :)
> 
> Hope you guys liked this chapter. If you want to chat about this fic, supercorp, taylor swift or anything else you can find me on tumblr at magical-illusion13 (it's a gaylor swift side blog. you have been warned lol). 
> 
> See you next year, thank you for reading!


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

Lena is standing on her office’s balcony, a glass of scotch in hand. The night air is a little colder than it has been all week, a sign that spring has not yet fully been replaced by summer. She shivers and pulls her cardigan closer around her torso.

She knows she should go home and call it a day, but she can’t bring herself to do it. There is a certain kind of comfort to her office that she prefers over the loneliness of her own apartment. At least when she’s at the office this late at night, she can tell herself she’s working, even if all she’s done for the last two hours in compile a detailed excel-file of all the times Kara lied to her face about being Supergirl. She had thought that writing it all down would make it better, but it hasn’t so far.

Jess has gone home hours ago, telling Lena she’s leaving for the day with the same worried expression she’s had on her face for the past three weeks. Jess hasn’t commented on Lena’s state, and Lena is grateful for it. Regardless, Lena can sense Jess’ worry in the increased number of times she comes into Lena’s office to check on her or bring her coffee or lunch or dinner. The truth is, Lena hasn’t slept in three weeks. She’s been leaving work past midnight, if at all, only to do it all over again the following day. She knows it must be showing in the bags under her eyes that not even the most expensive concealer on the market can hide.

Saskia’s arrival hasn’t helped her sleep, either. If anything, it has given her more reason to avoid it. Now, when she does close her eyes, the images of Lex as a teenager, teaching her chess and secret codes – the last good memories of her brother – have company. Images of Saskia and her at four years old. Lena can see herself from the outside in those memories - the large wooden doors of the orphanage in Dublin closing behind them, hinges squeaking. Saskia clinging to Lena before being separated and tucked into the backseats of separate cars.

Lena takes a deep breath. She can’t let herself get lost in her emotions, let herself get swept away by her memories. She has a Fortune 500 company to run, projects to finish, and she can’t let other people hurting her distract her from that. She has to do good, invest in more charity, more hospitals, more cancer research. She fears that if she lets her hurt get ahold of her, she might end up like her brother.

A knock on the glass door makes her jump in surprise. A few drops of scotch spill over the glass from the motion and coat her hand. She turns around with her heart beating out of her chest.

“Saskia.”

Her twin sister looks almost guilty for scaring Lena, but there is a soft smile on her face.

“Lena, hey. I figured you’d still be here when you didn’t answer my texts and calls.” Saskia is leaning against the door, her face illuminated by the light coming from the inside of the office.

“How-“ Lena needs another second to calm her racing heart and focus her thoughts, “how did you get in here? I don’t know what time it is, but the building has been closed for hours.”

Saskia smirks. “Oh, when I went into the main entrance the night security only smiled at me and said ‘Good evening, Miss Luthor, another late-night project?’ and let me in.”

Lena groans and runs a hand through her hair. She loosened her strict bun hours ago, knowing no one of importance would visit her office after hours on a regular Thursday. Or whatever has constituted ‘regular Thursday’ for Lena recently, anyways. Apparently, it means being alone in her office until her most well-kept secret in the form of her twin sister shows up unexpectedly.

“I should have installed that finger-print-only access after 9 pm months ago.”

She doesn’t say it to be funny, but Saskia laughs anyways. They regard each other for a long moment.

Saskia lifts her chin. “What have you been up to today?”

“Work”, Lena only says and shrugs. “What about you?” She does her best to be conversational, figures it’s the right thing to do, but it feels odd. She’s cold, and a little tipsy, and so, so tired.

Saskia gives her a sad look. “I worked too, just catching up with e-mails.” She bites her lip. “Lena, why don’t you come inside? You’re freezing. When did you last eat?”

Lena wants to say she’s fine, wants to reject Saskia’s concern when her tone of voice sounds so much like Kara’s when the reporter comes over to bring her dinner. Lena vaguely remembers Jess bringing her a sandwich and a coffee from Noonan’s a little after 5 pm, but she only shrugs in response.

Saskia sighs. She steps out onto the balcony, but not to join Lena. Instead she grabs her twin’s arm and leads her back into the office. Her grip is steady, but not harsh. The glass door closes with a quiet thud. The scotch is removed from Lena’s hand and placed next to Lena’s laptop on the desk. Saskia takes Lena’s hands into her own. Lena shivers. Saskia’s hands are warm, and she only now realizes how cold she really was outside.

“I think we should go and find somewhere to eat a late-night snack and then get you home” Saskia says softly as she studies Lena’s face.

Lena bites her lip. She doesn’t want Saskia to have to take care of her, to feel like a burden. She wants to tell her to leave, to go back to Australia, to stop shaking up her life like this, to stop trying to fix what has been broken for years. Instead of words, however, tears find their way to the surface.

She rips her hands out from Saskia’s hold and wipes at her eyes in a hurry.

“No”, she whispers.

“Why not? Did you plan on sleeping here?” Saskia attempts a joke, but her tone of voice betrays her fear Lena might actually do so.

“I’m sorry, Saskia” Lena whispers, “we can’t go outside, not together. People might see us.”

The hurt on Saskia’s face makes Lena almost want to take back the statement. Saskia stares at her for a long moment. Lena feels so tired, so worn out. She doesn’t want to hurt Saskia, but she also can’t have people talking.

“Nobody in National City knows about you, not even my friends. I’m sorry, Saskia. You coming to L-Corp is risky enough. I trust Jess, but going outside together just isn’t possible, not even this late at night. I can’t have the media speculate about my private life like this, not now that it’s going this well with the company’s image, after everything I’ve been trying to accomplish.”

Saskia gulps. Her face has gone rigid, and Lena wants to scream at seeing this reflection of herself. She has seen this exact expression staring back at her in the mirror too many times to count. It makes her want to drown the rest of the scotch, but she doesn’t dare move from her spot.

“Fine” Saskia says. Her voice is suddenly hoarse. “I just drove by this Chinese restaurant about two blocks away on the way here and it was still open so I thought we could go. But I get it. I understand.”

An image of Kara excitedly shoving potstickers into her mouth flashes before Lena’s eyes, and it stings deep in her chest. Lena knows Saskia is talking about the same restaurant she and Kara used to frequent. Lena bites her tongue.

When she doesn’t say anything, Saskia clears her throat. “Can we get take-out, then? I would like to keep you company a little bit, if that’s okay. And don’t tell me Lena Luthor is too fancy for Chinese take-out.”

Lena doesn’t want to eat take-out that reminds her of Kara, but her stomach rumbles as if on cue, and she doesn’t possess the strength to protest. She lets out a low laugh.

“Alright. Just no potstickers, please.”

Saskia only nods. She pulls out her phone to look up the restaurant and place their order.

“One big box of General Tso’s, and a small box of Mapo Dofu”, she orders as if they do this every week.

Watching Saskia, Lena realizes she wouldn’t mind. In the same instant she also realizes that Saskia won’t be in National City forever. Logically, she knows this. Saskia has a life and a place of work to return to. And yet, it feels like the first time Lena has really thought about Saskia leaving again. She swallows. It shouldn’t affect her, she thinks. She didn’t miss Saskia before this week - surely she can manage once she leaves again. She takes another glance at her twin sister. She’s finished the call and is typing away on her phone.

To distract herself, Lena looks around for her own phone and finally finds it in her purse. In addition to her missed calls and unread messages from Saskia, there are two google alerts for new search results for her name, an e-mail from Jess asking to confirm her business lunch the next day – and a good night text from Kara.

She smiles. Her fingers move on their own to reply her usual _Good night, Kara_, but she stops and frowns when she realizes the text is a couple of hours old and Kara must be long asleep.

_Does Kara even need 7-8 hours of sleep?_ The thought makes its way into Lena’s mind before she can stop it, and it buzzes around like a mosquito on a summer day. She briefly wonders if it’s something to add to her excel-file. She shakes her head with a low huff, trying to chase the thought away.

“What’s wrong?” Saskia asks from across the room.

Lena bites her lip. She finishes typing her reply and hits send before she looks up. “Nothing, just texting a friend.”

“Do they work this late, too?”

“No”, Lena says and can’t help a sad smile from spreading across her face. “At least not on a quiet night like this.”

Saskia raises a questioning eyebrow, but says nothing. She puts her phone into her back pocket and pulls out a package of cigarettes instead. She doesn’t take one out, only opens and closes the lid in what Lena recognizes as a nervous manner.

“Food will be here in about thirty minutes. I can go downstairs and grab it, unless you’re too paranoid and want to go yourself.” She grins as she says it, but Lena doesn’t miss the challenge.

“No, I don’t mind,” she only says and shrugs. “How did you know I like mapo dofu?”

Saskia laughs. “I thought you would want something vegetarian and healthy.” She flicks the cigarette package’s lid open and close, then puts it back into her pocket.

“That dish is neither vegetarian nor healthy.”

“It has tofu in it, though, which is both. So.” Saskia makes a wide gesture, and they grin at each other.

Lena chuckles. “Whatever you say.”

It shouldn’t feel this easy. Saskia was barely more than a stranger when she stepped into Lena’s office a few days ago. She not only sneaked her way into the L-Corp building, but also back into Lena’s heart and memories. It scares Lena, how easily she’s done it. The walls Lena has up are still there, but they feel less like solid brick with each passing day and more like glass. It’s as if Saskia can see right through Lena, as if she can see everything Lena is trying her best to keep a secret.

“Are you still cold? Is there a kitchen on this floor so we can make some tea?” Saskia’s soft question shines right through Lena’s glass walls like the first ray of sunlight at dawn.

Lena crosses her arms in front of her chest and shakes her head. “No, I’m fine. Thank you. I just don’t want to alert the night security to the motion detectors.”

Saskia only hums in response. She sits down on the couch. Lena knows she is expected to sit down next to her sister, and she has to fight the urge to sit down in her desk chair. Her wide desk always puts a much-appreciated distance between herself and whoever is lucky enough to be granted access to her office, but tonight it doesn’t help her. She grabs her almost empty glass of scotch and walks over to the couch to sit down.

Saskia pours herself her own glass of scotch before she speaks up again. “I read the article by Kara Danvers”, she starts and clears her throat. “About your brother. It was exceptional. She’s being awarded the Pulitzer Prize for it, isn’t she?”

Lena can only nod. The mention of Kara’s name has her heart pounding in her chest. She wonders why Saskia is bringing her up.

“You two are friends, right? I’ve seen you tagged in pictures together with James Olsen.”

It’s an innocent enough question, but nevertheless it causes Lena to hear her own blood rushing in her ears. She wants to ask how Saskia saw the pictures, but then remembers she approved Saskia to follow her private Instagram account the day before. She hasn’t logged into it in weeks, unable to look at pictures of any of her ‘friends’.

She bites her lip, teeth digging into the skin. Her gaze drifts towards her desk on its own, where in the upper drawer the invitation by the Pulitzer Committee lays folded half a dozen times. Each crinkle in the paper betraying the importance of the letter. Lena releases her breath.

“What is it?” Saskia follows her gaze and then looks back at her with a furrowed brow.

Lena knows that Saskia wants her to talk about Kara. She doesn’t want to give in, to expose her weakness, but it’s getting more difficult as the seconds tick by. It’s as if Saskia has started to crack open one tiny box after the other the more time they’ve spent together.

“I was invited to present her the Pulitzer award.” Lena says in a toneless voice. It then occurs to her that she hasn’t answered the previous question. “Kara is … was my best friend. Now I’m not so sure.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

Something flickers in Saskia’s eyes, a glint of recognition. It makes Lena wonder if this information is news to Saskia at all, if she knows more than she lets on, but she disregards that thought. There is no way for Saskia to know something within one week that Lena failed to know for three years.

“What happened?” Saskia’s voice is soft, and it reminds Lena of Kara. The sting in her chest is so sharp she feels like she might suffocate. Lena takes a deep breath, needing to get the words out.

The ringing of Saskia’s phone interrupts her before she can even open her mouth. Lena presses her lips together.

“Oh, that’s the delivery! Bad timing!” Saskia exclaims as she stands up and fishes in her purse for a twenty-dollar bill. She gives Lena an apologetic look.

“Hold that thought, I’ll be right back!” She’s out the door and all Lena can do is stare as the heavy office door falls shut with a quiet thud. She can only hope that no night guard takes a closer look at her twin sister, but it’s the least of her worries at the moment. She can’t help but feel like Saskia literally jumped at the chance to interrupt their conversation. She doesn’t blame her. Being bad at admitting vulnerability might as well be in their DNA.

Lena gets up and walks toward her desk. She opens the top drawer and fishes out the invitation. It’s state is indistinguishable from the thrown out paper in the trash can. Lena unfolds it and places it on the desk, smoothing out the crinkles as best as she can. She doesn’t need to read it, has read it over and over again when Jess handed it to her weeks ago, before crumbling it up and forgetting about it. Her eyes go wide when she sees that her reply was due yesterday.

“Dammit”, she murmurs to herself and looks around the room. Even when she does not attend events she is invited to, she never lets an invitation go unanswered. However, she still can’t seem to bring herself to make a decision.

She hears footsteps in the hallway and is about to put the letter back when something else in the drawer catches her eye. It’s the broken picture frame with the photo of herself, Alex and Kara. Tears are forming in her eyes before she can slam the drawer shut so hard the flower vase on her desk shakes dangerously. When she looks up, she sees the bleary image of Saskia standing in the doorframe with the take-out boxes in her arms. Feeling like a thief in her own office, she wipes at her eyes and walks back to the couch.

Saskia sets the containers on the table and unpacks the spoons and chopsticks. “Are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

Lena opens her food to avoid Saskia’s gaze, but she can’t hide the tears that have resurfaced. She takes a shaky breath and wipes at her eyes again. She doesn’t feel hungry anymore. All she feels is a sudden, bone-deep exhaustion.

Saskia shuffles closer and puts her arm around Lena. Lena stiffens. Saskia only comes closer in response until their sides are touching and she squeezes Lena’s shoulder as if to encourage her to speak. The touch is comforting, no matter how much Lena tries to fight it. Her chin starts quivering and she presses her lips together so hard it hurts. Her hand rushes to cover her mouth, but it’s too late to stop the loud sob that escapes. Saskia pulls her closer until Lena is leaning into her side.

Lena is crying now, hot tears that stream down her face and another loud sob she can’t hold back. A memory of herself and Kara appears in front of her eyes, so vivid and clear as if it’s happening right now. They are sitting in this very spot in a similar position, and Kara promises her to always protect her. It’s too much, it’s all too much, but all Lena can do is hold onto her sister’s arm like it’s a lifeline and let the tears fall freely.

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Saskia whispers after a while, and Lena squeezes her eyes shut.

She nods. She doesn’t want to say it out loud, but she doesn’t need to. Saskia knows. Someone knows, and Lena doesn’t want to feel relieved. And yet it’s like her chest feels a little lighter, like someone lifted a pebble from the pile of rocks that has been weighing her down. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

Lena has a death grip on Saskia’s arm and is digging her fingernails into the fabric of her blouse, but she doesn’t care. They sit in silence for a while, the quiet of the room only interrupted by Lena’s sniffles and Saskia’s foot tapping onto the floor in irregular intervals. The food is going cold, but Lena doesn’t care about that either. So what if they have to walk into the kitchen at the other end of the hallway to use the microwave, trigger the motion detectors and have Saskia’s existence be found out by the night security. Lena owns this building. Lena wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, that she’s even worried about such a thing at all, but it only comes out as another sob. She snuffles and is glad that none of her employees can see her right now.

“You know”, Saskia’s hesitant voice interrupts her self-conscious train of thought. Saskia clears her throat.

“Hm?” Lena tilts her head. Sadness is etched into the deep furrow between her twin’s brows, and Lena only now notices that she looks tired, too.

“I’m in love with my best friend, too.”

Lena’s eyes soften. “Yeah, I thought so.”

Saskia chuckles. “Look at us. Even after years and miles apart, we reunite only to cry together about being in love with our best friends. Who would have thought?”

Lena has no answer. She lets out a low laugh that she isn’t sure what she wants to mean.

A minute passes.

“Will you tell me about her?” Saskia asks into the quiet of the room.

“Kara?” Lena asks dumbly on reflex and hates the way her heart jumps in her chest at the name. Saskia only hums in response.

Lena thinks for a moment, thinks back to the day Kara set foot into her office with her bright smile and curious disposition and the way she unintentionally turned Lena’s world on its axis. She starts there, tells her sister how she had been trying to keep her distance, not looking to make friends, but how Kara had charmed her way into her heart anyways and soon enough Lena found herself at game-night with all the others. She laughs as she explains how Kara uses the word ‘golly’ unironically, how Kara sends her pictures of dogs she sees on the street, and how Kara starts crying during ‘Titanic’ a good ten minutes before the ship even starts to sink.

She lets out a lot of details the closer she gets to present-day, because the last thing she wants to explain tonight is how Kara is Supergirl and how she had been too blind to see what had been right in front of her all these years. Lena had never believed when people said love is blind, not until she had been the one blinded.

“I always knew I liked her, from that first day she came to L-Corp when she was still Cat Grant’s assistant,” Lena whispers. “But then my crush became something more the closer we got. She was my best friend, my only friend at times, and everything I never knew I needed.”

“Why did you never tell her how you feel?” Saskia asks but something tells Lena she already knows the answer because Saskia has never told her best friend, either.

“I’ve never seen her express any interest in women. She’s only been with men, one relationship took a sad ending, and there was never an opportunity …” Lena drifts off, not knowing how she could possibly explain that Kara’s ex-boyfriend had to leave earth and then returned from the future, married while Kara was still grieving.

In hindsight, it is beyond her how she didn’t realize Kara was an alien, too, at the time. It’s yet another thing to add to her excel-file, she thinks. All the pieces are coming together, now that she has been forced to take a step back and regard the entire puzzle. She lets out a long sigh.

Saskia nods. “Fair enough.”

Lena wants to ask Saskia back, wants to know more about this woman named Olivia that has Saskia’s heart without being aware of it. But Saskia beats her to the next question.

“So, where do you want to go from here?”

Lena shifts in her seat, having abandoned the death grip on her sister. Saskia is still half-hugging her and it still makes Lena want to get up and run away, but instead she only separates a little to be able to see Saskia’s face. “I’m not sure” she starts and sighs again, “We’ve been texting good night for the last couple of days, but I don’t think I’m ready to face her in person just yet. She broke my heart. I can’t not have her in my life, but I don’t know how to have her in my life again, either.”

If she wasn’t so tired and worn out from her emotions and lack of sleep, Lena would notice that she didn’t answer Saskia’s question about the reason for the fall-out between her and Kara, and that Saskia didn’t bring it up a second time. But she’s having trouble keeping her eyes open, they’re red and sore from tears, and it doesn’t cross her mind.

Saskia is quiet, looking past Lena and through the window into the night sky. “Well, for what it’s worth, it’s a step forward. She wants you in her life, too.” Saskia runs a hand through her hair.

Lena only nods. A loud yawn escapes her throat, and it makes Saskia turn to look back at her.

“Why don’t we eat?”

“Sure”, Lena says with a shrug, having forgotten about the take-out. She wonders what makes Saskia change their conversation, but she doesn’t ask.

The food is still lukewarm, and they eat it in silence. Lena eats slowly, having to force herself to stay awake. Saskia downs the rest of her scotch when she’s finished and folds up the box and puts it back into the plastic bag.

“I know you said you don’t want to go out in public with me, but what if it’s not a busy Chinese restaurant on 2nd Avenue but a VIP bar where no one can see us?” Saskia asks when Lena is finished, too. She raises an eyebrow in an implied challenge.

Lena wipes her mouth with a napkin. The idea doesn’t sound to bad. Or maybe she’s just too tired to argue against it. “That might work.”

“So we’ll go out for drinks tomorrow?” There is a hopefulness in Saskia’s voice that Lena finds herself unable to turn down.

“Okay” she says and smiles when Saskia’s eyes light up. “I know a place.”

“Thank you, Lena. It will be great, and no one who’s not supposed to know about me will find out. I promise.” Saskia smiles back at her and stands up.

“Now let’s get you home, you look like you’re going to fall asleep any second and I could use some rest myself.”

Lena only nods. Now that her stomach is full, the glass of scotch empty and the tears dried on her face, she has a hard time fighting against the force of exhaustion dragging her down.

They take two separate exits and Lena can only hope that no one from her security team will review the camera footage the next day. She falls asleep the second her head hits the pillow. For the first time in weeks, she sleeps soundly, the exhaustion finally catching up with her. She doesn’t remember it in the morning, but she dreams that Saskia flies with Supergirl.


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 on the 11th! Ha! :D
> 
> Thank you for reading, and the kind kudos and comments! I appreciate every single one!

Alex takes Kelly’s hand as they step out of the restaurant and onto the side walk. The street lamps cast their warm light across the street. The last bit of natural light has just disappeared between the buildings of National City.

“Are you ready to head home?” Alex asks. Kelly nods in response, eyes crinkling as she smiles.

Alex pulls her closer. She grazes her thumb along Kelly’s cheek, down toward the dimple by her mouth. There is a glint in Kelly’s eyes, a reflection of the dim light on the sidewalk. Alex leans in, and Kelly meets her halfway for a kiss. When they separate, Alex tugs on Kelly’s hand, eager to get home.

“Thank you for dinner, babe” Kelly says as they walk. “It’s been a crazy week.”

Alex laughs. “You could say that. I really needed that, just you and me. I can’t believe we’ve never been to the place before, it’s so close.”

“I’d definitely love to go again, it’s the best calzone I’ve had since moving here.” Kelly laughs too.

“I’ve been enjoying our weekly dates and getting you out of the house for something non-work-related” she adds and shoots her girlfriend a wink. “Leaving your DEO-phone at home sometimes doesn’t hurt, does it?”

Alex bumps Kelly’s shoulder. “No, it doesn’t. Though I know J’onn would call my private number if there was a _really_ big emergency-“

Kelly groans. “Yeah, no, forget I said anything.”

“I’m joking, babe” Alex says and runs her thumb along Kelly’s wrist as they keep walking. “Not about J’onn contacting me in an emergency, but about disconnecting every once in a while. Thank you for teaching me how to balance it all.”

“Of course.” Kelly gives her a soft smile.

“And I have to say, I enjoy our nights even more when they end up with us watching movies on your couch”, she adds, “and not being confronted by personifications of long-held secrets that turn our lives upside down.” They grin at each other.

Alex can’t say she’s processed everything that’s happened since last Friday night, but she has to admit that spending time with Kelly and talking about everything _but_ the mess that has been this week feels good. It’s far from over, she knows that, but at least she has Kelly by her side.

They turn the corner and Alex’ building comes into sight across the street. It’s quiet except for the clattering of a bike that someone is riding past them. The headlight briefly illuminates the front door before it falls on the asphalt again.

A figure is sitting on the front steps in the dark, head in their hands, elbows on their knees. Alex instinctively grabs Kelly’s arm to hold her back, just as Kelly is about to cross the street.

“Kelly, someone’s there” Alex whispers. She can feel her heart picking up speed, and she wishes she had her DEO-phone with her.

She pushes Kelly behind her and widens her stand.

“Babe, what if the person needs help? They could be in danger, not dangerous.” Kelly doesn’t seem as affected as Alex and tries to walk around her to get a better look, but Alex keeps her in place.

Her voice is low and hushed. “I love your endless empathy and compassion, Kelly, you know that, but I’d rather not be murdered in front of my own house-“

“Alex?”, the figure calls from across the street. Alex freezes. The voice is hoarse, like the person has been crying and been sitting out there for far too long. It’s also familiar.

Without warning, Alex dashes toward the person sitting on her front steps. “Kara! Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

Kelly is behind her, and together they pull Alex’ sister upward. Kara’s legs are stiff and she immediately leans into Alex to steady herself. Alex wraps her arms around her and pulls her close. Across Kara’s shoulder, she sends Kelly a helpless look.

“What’s wrong?” Kelly asks and lets her fingers brush Kara’s arm to offer some reassurance.

The motion detector above the front door has switched on, and in the harsh light Alex can see how red Kara’s eyes are. Her mascara is smeared, and she just looks so _sad_. Alex wonders what could have happened within the last couple of hours since she last texted her sister. She wonders if she has to get her DEO-phone to assemble the super friends so they can punch someone or something.

“Lena …” Kara starts and Alex’ heart sinks. Of course it has to do with Lena. Unfortunately, Kara’s issues with Lena cannot simply be punched away, so Alex drops that plan.

“Why don’t we all go upstairs and you can tell us what happened with Lena, hm?” Alex asks and reaches into her pocket for her keys. Instead of awaiting a response, she starts walking towards the front door. Kara feels like dead-weight in her arms, barely aiding Alex’ efforts. It reminds Alex of that one time she had to carry her drunk sister to the DEO from the alien bar downtown. Without another word, she hands Kelly the keys.

“Lena is my best friend.” Kara whispers when they’re in the elevator.

Kelly and Alex share a look.

“Don’t do that” Kara whines. It makes Alex wonder if Kara had gone to the alien bar, drowning her sorrows in whatever it is they sell there. The liquor that gets her Kryptonian sister drunk is not the kind of booze one can just keep in their fridge, after all.

“Do what? Kara, are you drunk? Did you go to the alien bar with Nia or something?”

The question elicits a loud sob from Kara, who buries her head in her hands. “No, I’m not, and I didn’t!”

The elevator dings and the doors open. Kara doesn’t lean on Alex for support anymore, but Alex keeps her hand on the small of Kara’s back just in case as they walk down the hallway. Kelly opens the door, and Alex gives her an apologetic look. Kelly shakes her head, letting Alex know it’s alright. Kara rushes to the couch, where she curls up with a throw pillow.

“Nia went on a date with Brainy.” Kara whispers.

Alex sits on the back of the couch. She furrows her brows. “And that’s why you’re sad?”

Kara lets out a frustrated huff. “No! Of course not. I’m happy for them. Brainy has been wanting to ask Nia out for weeks, and Nia has been waiting for him to do so for even longer. But it’s just-“ she sits up a little and makes a vague gesture.

“You and Kelly. Nia and Brainy.” Kara bites her lip.

Kelly comes to stand next to Alex and squeezes her shoulder. Alex smiles at her. When she turns back to Kara, she sees that her sister followed their non-verbal interaction with narrowed eyes. It’s not unusual for Alex and Kelly to be affectionate in front of others, but Kara’s piercing, almost analyzing stare makes Alex feel uneasy in a way she can’t explain.

Kara averts her eyes. She clears her throat before she continues. “And Lena’s my best friend.”

“Yes, we know, sweetie” Alex says and strokes Kara’s hair, letting strands of it run through her fingers. It’s something Eliza used to when Kara was new to earth and adapting to her new, scary and confusing surroundings. Kelly looks between the two sisters with concern.

Kara closes her eyes. “You always do that. You always give each other looks when I talk about Lena. And not just recently, I’ve been noticing for a while now. And I tried and tried to figure out what it meant. I talk to other people about Lena and they act like they know more than me. You two, Nia, J’onn, James, and even Brainy and I would like to say I’m much more versed in earth customs than Brainy, level-12-intellect or not!” She sighs and opens her eyes again, but only stares ahead at the window that she flew in as Supergirl just three nights ago.

Alex says nothing, only waits for Kara to continue. She untangles her hands from Kara’s hair and wrings them in her lap. Her practical training includes weapons of all sizes and effects, manufactured on earth or beyond, various martial arts as well as technical and medical skills. And yet, she hasn’t felt this unprepared since Kara first came into her life and she suddenly had a little alien sister to protect from bullies at school who laughed at her because she had never seen _Titanic_. She bites the inside of her cheek. She doesn’t know why those memories are resurfacing in this moment.

Kelly clears her throat. “I’ll go home, you two just talk.”

“No-” Alex grabs Kelly’s hand in protest, but Kelly gives her a pointed look.

“Whatever it is, Kara, I know you will figure it out.” Kelly gives Kara a soft smile, and then she’s out the door and Alex is alone with Kara.

Kara doesn’t seem to take note of Kelly’s exit. She sighs and keeps talking. “I figured out why you guys always act like that. You assume that I am romantically interested in Lena.”

Alex almost chokes on air.

“But-“ Kara continues and sits a little more upright, placing the throw pillow in her lap, “that is completely unrealistic. Even if you guys were to approve of it, it wouldn’t be possible.”

The statement hangs between them like invisible smoke. Alex scoots a little closer to her sister on the back of the couch. She understands suddenly, understands Kara’s fear of being open and vulnerable with someone she evidently cares so much about. Nevertheless, she wants to hear it from Kara. She isn’t so sure if Kara has realized the scope of her own feelings just yet.

“How so?”

“Because Lena … Lena is Lena. And I’m me.” Kara’s voice is barely above a whisper.

Alex runs a hand through Kara’s hair. “You’re both extraordinary, wonderful people. You both kept secrets from each other, you both hurt each other, but I still believe you can get past it. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but time will heal you and you will be close again. And then, why could the possibility of a romantic relationship be so unrealistic?”

Kara shakes her head. She doesn’t look at Alex and instead grabs the pillow. She has a death grip on it, and Alex can hear the seams bursting from Kara’s strength. She liked that pillow, but it’s the least of her concerns at the moment. Kara doesn’t even seem to notice she practically put it to shreds with a single grasp.

“No, that’s not what I mean,” she starts and there is frustration in her voice. “Lena is my best friend. She’s so smart, and kind and pretty, and so generous. And she’s a good person, no matter how much her family has tried to bring her down their path of destruction and hatred. I cannot sleep when she doesn’t respond to my good night texts, and I miss her when I don’t see her every day.”

Kara takes a deep breath, and all Alex can do is bite her tongue and let Kara talk. If she interrupts, she knows Kara will never say the words that are making their way to the surface like vapor in a boiling pot of water.

“Lena’s my best friend. And I can absolutely not be romantically interested in her. After 15 years on this earth, I know enough about relationships to know that best friends are not supposed to fall in love. I cannot lose her, I mean I already lost her but I can’t lose her twice. And besides, a Luthor and a Super? The stakes are too high.” Kara lets go of the pillow and guiltily looks down at the stuffing coming out. She turns to look at Alex.

“We kept secrets from each other. My most meaningful friendship is practically in ruins, burned to the ground.” Tears are swelling up in her eyes again, and Kara quickly wipes them away.

“Do you understand? I know what you guys are thinking, but it’s not true. I can never like Lena in that way. And I don’t have a single clue that she would even feel the same for me. We kept secrets from each other. And we started texting each other good night again and maybe one day we will be friends again. But it can never be more.”

Their eyes meet. The usually calm and steady sea in Kara’s blue eyes is a raging storm. Alex takes a moment to think about her next words.

“But would you want it to be?”

Kara whips her head around. “Do I want it to be what?”

“More,” Alex says and smiles at her sister.

“I-“ Kara’s eyes go wide. She opens and closes her mouth as if to practice what to say next, but nothing comes out.

Alex reiterates: “Would you want to be more than friends with Lena, despite what I’m thinking, or what Nia is thinking, or what your families have done?”

Kara doesn’t reply. She sits there in silence, her eyes trained on the pillow in her lap. Alex doesn’t need any superpowers to know about the war raging in Kara’s brain and heart. She knows because she’s fought a similar battle. Her heart aches for her sister, but its not the kind of pain she can protect her from. It’s nothing her practical weaponry training could have prepared her for. Kara has to figure it out by herself, just the way Alex had to a few years ago. All Alex can do is hope that Kara will follow her heart into love the same way she jumps into danger as Supergirl. It’s unlikely, she knows it. And yet-

She hears a tell-tale sniff from Kara.

“I’m fine” Kara says as she frantically wipes at her eyes, still avoiding Alex’ eyes.

Alex wants to say something, to tell Kara that it’s okay. That she will figure it out in time, that she didn’t mean to pressure her. She opens her mouth to speak when Kara suddenly freezes. Alex is taken aback, and trains her eyes on her sister. Kara tilts her head to the side and furrows her brow. Alex then realizes what Kara is doing – she’s listening to something or someone far away.

“What did you hear?” Alex whispers, but Kara puts up a hand.

Another minute or so passes. “It’s Lena … her heartrate has been increasing steadily for the past couple of minutes,” Kara murmurs more to herself than to Alex. “It sounds as if she’s stressed or scared. She’s across town, I-“

Kara’s eyes go wide. “I heard yelling. Lena might be in danger. Saskia is there too, if I identified her heartbeat correctly. I have to go.”

She’s off the couch faster than Alex can see, and rips off her shirt to reveal her suit underneath. Alex can only sigh and stand up. There’s no point in arguing with Kara now. If Kara is certain she is needed in an emergency, anyone who stands in her way better move out of it. With Lena involved, Alex knows she doesn’t stand a chance of holding her sister back.

Somehow, it’s the only answer Alex needs.

“Thank you, Alex, it was good to talk to you. I’m sorry for ruining your date night with Kelly. The next take-out and booze at game-night is on me.” Kara sends her an apologetic look and opens the window.

“I will call you and J’onn if I need help” she mumbles, but Alex can tell that her thoughts are already across town, wherever Lena seems to be in trouble.

Kara is gone before Alex can wave or utter a goodbye. She runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “I hope your heart knows the way, Kara” she mumbles to herself as she closes the window and turns back to the room.

She takes in her empty apartment for a moment. This night has taken several turns, and she feels like she can’t keep up. Something tells her that Lena is fine, that Kara is overreacting. And yet, her sisterly instincts demand she follow Kara, make sure neither she or Lena is hurt. She puts her arms around herself, unsure of what to do.

The ringing of her phone disrupts the unwelcome quiet of the room. Alex jumps in surprise, fearing that it’s Kara and that something terrible has happened. She follows the ringing to her purse that is carelessly thrown onto the floor next to the couch.

As soon as she sees it’s Kelly, she breathes out audibly. Of course, she thinks. Kara would have called the DEO-phone, and that has been on the kitchen table the entire night. She answers the call with shaking hands.

“Do my eyes betray me or did I just see Supergirl flying above the city?” Kelly chuckles at the other end of the line, foregoing a greeting.

Alex can’t help but laugh. The absurdity that this night has become is starting to sink in, and she shakes her head. Her back muscles feel tense and she plops down onto her couch next to the ruined pillow. “No, you saw correctly.”

There is a pause. Alex can hear Kelly’s breathing and the cars passing in the background. “I’m not far, I’ve been walking around. Do you need me to come back?” Kelly’s voice is soft, but curious.

“Yes, please” Alex says. She needs Kelly there with her, the one constant amidst all this mess. Even if they don’t get to end the night the way they had planned, she needs her comforting presence. Even if Kara calls later and Alex has to go on duty. Even if Kara comes back with her broken heart in tow.

Kelly hums in response. “I’m already on my way.”


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for the mention of a life-threatening situation in this chapter. I also updated the rating because of the excessive amount of alcohol consumed in this story.
> 
> Lots of things happening in this chapter! Hope you like it!

“Table for two, right this way, Miss Luthor”, the waiter says as Lena and Saskia climb up the stairs to the rooftop.

They’re being led to a table on the other side of the patio. It’s right next to the low fence, the view of downtown National City unobstructed. The music the live band is playing in the crowded bar downstairs can be heard faintly. It mixes with the occasional car honk and loud chatter from the street below.

They sit down, and the waiter hands them the menus. “We have no further reservations for our VIP section tonight, Miss Luthor, so we will be fully able to comply with your request for discretion. As usual, the entry to the rooftop is closed to our general customers.”

Lena smiles her practiced boardroom smile. “Thank you.” She wouldn’t be surprised if the bar had cancelled all other reservations after her call this morning. On any other occasion, she would feel bad for it or at least smile a more genuine smile, but right now she can’t bring herself to care.

She puts the menu down on the table to distract from her shaking hands. The curious gaze the waiter keeps bouncing between herself and Saskia feels dreadful on her skin. She shivers, the light material of the scarf she’s wearing doing nothing to protect her from the breeze on the rooftop. Nevertheless, she readjusts the scarf around her neck. She wonders what’s going through his mind. Seeing, to his mind, two Lena Luthors is likely not what he had in mind when he prepared the table for ‘Lena Luthor, two people’.

Saskia seems to not be as unnerved as Lena. She’s studying the drink menu, turning it around to read it a second time. She orders her cocktail with an easy smile as if they go for drinks here every other weekend.

Lena has been looking at the menu without actually absorbing any of the information. “An old-fashioned,” she orders the first thing she can think of and gives the waiter the menu back without meeting his eyes.

The waiter bows. “Thank you, I will be back shortly.”

When they’re alone, Lena takes a deep breath. She glances around the rooftop. The tables are divided by lush greenery, allowing for some sort of privacy. The fence is decorated with string lights that cast a dim, warm light over the patio.

Saskia lights a cigarette and watches Lena. “Your last name really gets you anywhere you want, huh? I don’t believe for a second that this bar had no other guests reserved for tonight. I mean I guessed that the real big money can buy anything, but experiencing it first hand is something else.”

She huffs out the cigarette smoke and Lena watches as it dissolves into the night air. “It’s a necessary evil sometimes,” she says after a moment. “If I hadn’t known for sure I could rent this rooftop bar out with less than a day’s notice, I wouldn’t have gone out in public with you.”

“Fair enough,” Saskia says and shakes her head. “I don’t know if I tell you this enough, Lena, but I do admire you. You turned Luthor Corp into a force for good. Three years ago I wouldn’t have thought it possible. I know you were close with Lex growing up, and I’m sorry for your loss, but the world is a better place without him, and with Lillian behind bars. I truly despise the Luthors for everything they put you through, but I do admire you for being better than them in every way. My adoptive family is full of despicable, egoistical assholes and I’m not sad for not having talked to them in almost a decade, but I couldn’t have endured what you’ve gone through.”

Lena gulps. She doesn’t know how to handle the unexpected praise. It reminds her of all the times that Kara reminded her that she was nothing like her family, better than their hatred, but all of that has been tainted by the fact that Kara kept her identity from her precisely because of her last name. She looks up to see Saskia’s curious gaze on her. She lets out a long breath.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, but Saskia still hears her and sends her a smile from across the table.

It’s when she watches Saskia huff out another wave of smoke that she comes to a realization. She takes in a sharp breath and has to hold onto the edge of the table to steady herself. _Fuck._

Before she can regain her composure, the waiter comes back with their cocktails. Lena watches him place the drinks on their table in a haze. When he’s gone, they clink their glasses together and take a sip. Maybe Saskia says something. Lena isn’t sure. It feels like she’s watching everything happen on an old VHS tape with the sound turned off. It all gets drowned out by the realization that has overtaken every nerve in her body.

_Saskia doesn’t know that Lionel is our biological father._

Her knuckles gripping the table are white, but she takes as little notice of it as of the concerned look Saskia is giving her.

Lena remembers the day she visited Lillian in prison, and her adoptive mother revealed the secret to her. Not because she valued honesty and open communication, but because she needed to use Lena. Lena shivers. She remembers coming home that night and feeling so lost. She had called Kara and spilled her heart out to her best friend. She digs her nails into the painted wood of the table.

How could she have forgotten to call her twin sister and tell her? Growing up, they would spend countless summer hours coming up with theories about their biological father. Never would Lena have thought that the answer had been right in front of them the entire time. The truth is, Lena hadn’t spared her twin sister a single thought since moving to National City until … well. Until this week, if she’s being honest.

Saskia puts out the cigarette butt in the ashtray. “What’s wrong, Lena? You don’t look well.”

“I’m fine,” Lena says too fast to be convincing. “Just still a bit nervous about being out in public with you. Should I have brought an NDA for the waiter?”

The statement isn’t untrue, it’s something that has been on her mind since they stepped out of her limousine and into the bar. And yet, somehow, at the same time it’s the least of her concerns on her mind at the moment.

Saskia laughs. “No, Lena, no need to be so dramatic. If you tip him well enough, he will keep his mouth shut.”

Lena only nods. The guilt of not having thought to tell Saskia when she learned they were both part Luthor nags at her. She can’t bring herself to meet Saskia’s eyes. Instead, she takes a big gulp of her old-fashioned. The whiskey burns in her throat.

“Please don’t worry so much, Lena. No one at the bar downstairs paid attention to us when we came up here. Let’s just make the most of our time here and enjoy not being holed up in your apartment or your office.”

The pleading honesty in Saskia’s voice stings somewhere deep in Lena’s chest. _I don’t deserve having her in my life._

“Alright,” Lena says and forces a smile.

With every second that ticks by that she doesn’t tell Saskia the guilt weighs more and more like lead in her chest. She hadn’t remembered until now, but now that she has and doesn’t mention it, it makes her an active liar. Lena feels her head spinning. She realizes she’s no better than Kara.

“The view from up here is gorgeous. We have so much to catch up on still. Please just enjoy a night out.” Saskia reiterates and sends her an encouraging smile.

Lena bites the inside of her cheek and meets Saskia’s eyes for the first time. She forces another smile, but her voice is without passion. “Yeah, we really have.”

Saskia lights another cigarette and starts talking about the café in Gastown that she visited during the day to work on some e-mails. Lena forces herself to focus and listen. It feels like forever ago since she casually talked to someone about their day. When Saskia asks about her day, she talks about the new paid internship positions she discussed with her board in the afternoon.

When the waiter comes back, they realize they haven’t spared one glance at the food menu. They hurry to decide on what to eat. Lena doesn’t feel hungry, but she orders a truffle mac and cheese anyways. Saskia chooses kale chips with sauce tartare and another cocktail. Lena’s eyes go wide when she sees how fast her sister finished her drink, but Saskia only laughs.

Somewhere in the back of her mind there is an image of Kara rolling her eyes at the unnecessarily fancy versions of otherwise unspectacular dishes, but she pushes it down along with the urge to run down onto the street and call her driver to take her home.

“I know this bar is pricey, but I will pay for everything, don’t worry” she says instead once the waiter has left. It’s an offer she makes automatically, knowing the places she frequents tend to make others uncomfortable.

Saskia scoffs. “Oh, please. I’m from Melbourne, we pay twenty dollars for avocado on toast.”

Lena lets out a low laugh and takes another sip of her drink. They continue their conversation. Their food arrives in the meantime. She participates just enough so that Saskia doesn’t get suspicious, but it’s mostly Saskia that does the talking.

Lena tries to find an appropriate moment to slip the fact that Saskia is biologically a Luthor into the conversation, but the opportunity doesn’t present itself. Not when she steals a kale chip off Saskia’s plate and Saskia protests with a loud laugh, not when Saskia complains about one of her colleagues at the law firm, and especially not when she talks about the beautiful scenery surrounding Olivia’s vinery that she doesn’t visit often enough.

Before long, the waiter is back to collect their empty plates. Saskia orders her third cocktail, and Lena follows suit despite not wanting to get drunk tonight. She fears that if she lets loose, she might reveal the secret that has been on the tip of her tongue for entirely too long already.

Saskia lights another cigarette and looks down at the street below them. “I really enjoy being here, you know.”

Lena only nods even though Saskia isn’t looking in her direction.

“I’m glad we were able to reconnect. I wish I could stay longer, but I learned today that there is an important conference next week Friday that I have to attend. I will look for flights tomorrow.” She huffs out smoke and looks back to Lena.

“Yeah, me too” Lena says and swallows hard. This is her chance. She has to say it now. Saskia won’t be in National City forever, and then when will they see each other again? She has to say it.

“Thank you for making an effort. I know I’m not always easy to talk to.” She can’t bring herself to do it.

Saskia smiles, and her eyes crinkle. “Neither am I. That’s just how we are.” She chuckles and looks out into the night sky.

Lena follows her gaze. The sky is clear. A couple of stars are visible, resisting against being swallowed up by the light pollution from the bustling city underneath. Lena can’t help but think of Kara, who gets to see this view on a regular basis.

“Whatever you and Kara are going through right now, I know you can overcome it. You will find your way back to each other, I’m sure of it.” Saskia says and reaches for her drink on the table.

Lena startles. Did her sister read her mind? There is no way that she looked out at the sky above National City and was also reminded of Kara as Supergirl. Lena crosses her arms over her chest as a shiver runs through her. She doesn’t know what she would prefer – Saskia reading minds or knowing about Kara as Supergirl.

Before she can work up the nerve to ask what prompted Saskia to say it, Saskia is getting up from her chair and stands at the edge of the rooftop, arms resting on top of the fence.

“What a beautiful night. Makes you feel like you can touch the stars.” Saskia muses and cranes her neck to follow the blinking light of an airplane silently passing overhead. She leans back, hands gripping the handrail, and her words are a little slurred.

Lena frowns as she takes in the sight of her sister. “Saskia, are you drunk?”

She gets up and moves around the table to lean against Saskia’s empty chair. There aren’t that many stars visible in the night sky, and they’re not even on top of the highest building in the city. Lena’s office is on a higher floor than this rooftop bar.

“No, just appreciating a beautiful night.” She turns around and gives Lena an exaggerated smile. “I wonder if I could.”

“Could what?”

“Touch the stars.” A mischievous glint has appeared in Saskia’s eyes.

Lena can feel all the blood in her body rushing into her head, can hear it in her ears. Saskia heaves herself up on the handrail and puts her foot on top of the fence.

“Saskia!”, Lena yells. She wants to rush forward pull her sister down again, to stop her from this incredibly stupid, drunk idea. However, her body feels frozen in place. She can’t even manage to stretch out a hand.

Saskia lifts up the second leg. Both her hands are still gripping the handrail, and she’s scrunched on top in an awkward position. Lena can hear her breathing heavily.

“Saskia.” Lena’s voice comes out hoarse. She can feel her heart beating loud throughout her entire body, its sound drowning out the music that’s been coming from downstairs all night.

“Do you think I can see Krypton from here?” Saskia asks much louder than necessary.

Lena gasps. “Krypton?”

“It’s Supergirl’s home planet! I read her Wikipedia page the other day!” Saskia proclaims as if Lena is the one visiting National City from another continent.

Lena sighs and runs a hand through her hair until it hits the strict bun at the back of her head. She grabs it and pulls until a few strands of hair fall out. She twirls them around her fingers until it hurts before she drops her arm and digs her nails into the palm of her hand.

Saskia removes one hand from the handrail, attempting to stand up.

“Saskia, please.” Lena whines. The lights of the city below are reflecting in Saskia’s earrings. _I wonder how high up we are_, Lena thinks. _Seventy feet? More?_ She lets out a shaky breath.

Her sister doesn’t seem to take notice of her. She hooks one foot into the gap below the handrail for balance and brings up her other hand.

Lena’s feet finally obey her and she rushes towards the fence. She gently puts her hands around the back of Saskia’s legs. She’s too scared to pull her down, not trusting her own body strength and afraid Saskia might lose balance. Saskia is wearing heels, Lena realizes. It increases her worry tenfold. Lena takes a careful look over the fence and immediately wishes she hadn’t. On the other side there is a narrow bed of greenery, and then … nothing.

Lena tastes salt on her lips and realizes she’s crying. “Saskia, please!” She’s yelling now. “You can’t see Krypton from here, the planet was destroyed decades ago! You can’t even see every star in this galaxy from here! You’re drunk! Get down now, please!”

Saskia says nothing. To Lena’s relief, however, she has at least stopped moving. She’s standing there with her hands over her head, looking into the distance. The mountains on the other side of the bay are immersed in darkness.

“Saskia, please!” Lena’s voice is getting higher with each desperate plead.

“Hey!” A deep, angry shout startles her. She turns around to see their waiter stomping towards them, dropping the dessert menus onto the floor in his haste. His face is red and his eyes are wide.

“What’s going on here? Miss, please climb down, this is not safe!”

Saskia doesn’t move.

“Saskia, please.” Lena can feel herself getting desperate. She feels helpless. Saskia hadn’t seemed that drunk earlier. Had she been doing drugs? Lena shivers.

“I’m gonna call the police if you don’t climb down right now!” The waiter warns as he pushes Lena aside and grabs both of Saskia’s legs.

Lena wants to tell him no, to not mess with Saskia’s delicate balance, but her throat feels like cotton and no words come out. Saskia gasps at the unexpected contact and her upper body surges forwards. She waves with her arms to keep the balance, but it’s of no use. She’s in a 90-degree angle over the edge of the roof.

Lena hears a panicked scream, but she can’t tell if it’s Saskia’s or her own. The waiter keeps yelling, but the words blend together and seem to make no sense to Lena’s ears.

A sudden gust of wind makes Lena stumble a few steps back. When she looks back at the fence, Saskia is gone.

She screams.

“Lena!” A familiar, seemingly distant voice calls out to her. “Lena!”

She turns around. Supergirl is standing in the middle of the patio. Next to her, Saskia is crunched over, struggling to catch her breath. Supergirl has a hand on her shoulder as if she is afraid Saskia might still fall. The waiter has fallen to the floor. He rubs his back in pain as he gets up and looks at Supergirl with wide eyes.

“Lena,” Supergirl’s soft voice cuts through the silence. “Lena, it’s all good. She’s safe. It’s all good.”

Lena blinks. She needs a few more second to catch up to what has just happened. Supergirl. She saved Saskia. Supergirl. Her sister. Supergirl. Lena puts her head in her hands and sinks to the floor. The wooden floor is rough against the thin material of her slacks, but she barely feels it. A wave of emotions crashes over her, and she can’t even begin to differentiate between them all.

She can hear Supergirl approaching by the way her boots are dragging over the floor. A gentle hand nudges Lena’s shoulder. Lena looks up into ocean-blue eyes.

“Kara.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. It feels worn out from screaming. A single tear rolls down her cheek, and she hurries to wipe it away. Instead, a loose strand of hair falls over her eye.

Kara is here. Kara is Supergirl. Supergirl saved her sister.

Lena takes a deep, yet shaky breath to get rid of the dizziness that overcomes her. It doesn’t work. She can see Kara’s lip quivering as she crouches down next to her with a sad smile.

Out of the corner eyes she can see Saskia talking to the waiter. Her eyes go wide when Saskia reaches into her pocket and hands him multiple banknotes. The waiter says nothing, only nods and is on his way downstairs the next moment. Saskia looks after him, then turns around and walks back to their table.

Before Lena can call out to her, can ask her if she’s okay, Saskia has taken her purse and is making a beeline towards the staircase. One foot over the threshold, she turns around and their eyes meet. Her expression is unreadable to Lena, and not only because her vision is blurry and from across the patio. Saskia holds her gaze for a heartbeat. Then she disappears into the bar downstairs.

Just like that, Lena is alone with Kara.


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you guys have been waiting for! 
> 
> I have written the next two chapters already and mapped out the rest of the story so I can now announce that there will probably be 20 chapters in total. Thank you for sticking with me and for the kudos and comments! Have a good weekend, everyone!

“Kara.” Hearing her own name from Lena’s lips while she’s dressed as Supergirl makes Kara feel a strange sense of nausea and excitement at the same time.

Lena reaches for Kara’s hand that’s still resting on her shoulder. Her fingers are cold, but they fit perfectly into the space between Kara’s own.

“Lena,” she whispers. “You knew.”

Removing her hand, Lena lets out a huff. Her eyes are trained on Kara’s face as if she’s seeing her for the first time. In a way she is, Kara thinks. She reaches her hand up from Lena’s shoulder to put a strand of lose hair out of her face to see her eyes, but Lena flinches. Kara winces and pulls her hand back.

Lena crouches back a little as if she only just realized the position they were in. Her lip is quivering when she speaks. “I did.”

“How?”

“Lex told me.” Lena’s voice is hoarse. “Before I shot him.”

Kara gulps. She had assumed that Lena knew after she had practically removed herself from her and everyone else’s lives after Lex’ defeat. But that she had to hear it from Lex, it sparks so much more guilt and pain in Kara than she had thought possible.

“I’m sorry, Lena.” Her eyes start filling with tears. “This is not how I wanted this to go.”

“Do you think that a simple apology is going to fix this?” Lena whispers. She pushes herself back up from the hardwood floor, and Kara follows suit. They regard each other for a long moment. With her boots, Supergirl is always a little taller than Kara Danvers. Tonight, somehow, the extra height difference stands out to her as something strange. Like she doesn’t know how to be both Supergirl and Kara around Lena at the same time.

Lena clears her throat. “My own maniac, psychopathic brother was more honest with me than my best friend. With his dying breath he told me you were Supergirl.” She looks away, then back at Kara. “I shot him, Kara.”

Her voice hikes up a pitch. “I shot my own brother, Kara! I shot him because I thought I was protecting you, protecting our friends!” Her breathing is irregular.

She yells: “Only to find out that you never needed my protection! That you lied to me! That you were all lying to me!”

All Kara can do is shrink into herself and look to the ground. Lena is right. Lex being more honest with Lena than her evokes a burning regret inside of her. It feels like she swallowed a bottle of liquid Kryptonite. She knows that Lex didn’t reveal her secret to Lena out of a want for honesty. He did it to hurt Lena, to tear them apart. But Kara also knows that she can’t bring this up without angering Lena even more.

“I’m sorry, Lena,” is what she says instead.

Lena huffs. “I don’t want to believe that you intentionally made a fool out of me, Kara.” Her shaky voice betrays the sadness behind her anger. “But how can I not?”

Kara wants to interrupt her, tell her that was never her intention, but before she can open her mouth Lena has taken another instinctive step back and continues, almost as if to herself. “The people I thought I had found real friendship with were all betraying me.”

Lena’s lips quiver, and Kara wants nothing more than to reach out and run a soothing thumb over her jawline. However, she doesn’t dare move. Her eyes dart up and down Lena’s face. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t look at you, Kara.” Lena says. “Supergirl and my best friend Kara have been two different people in my mind for too long.”

Kara gulps. She wants to ask Lena how she never figured it out. Lena is one of the smartest people, if not the smartest, Kara has ever known, including some high-ranking scientists on Krypton. However, asking Lena would only rub salt in Lena’s gaping wounds. A voice inside her mind that sounds suspiciously like Saskia’s tells her the reason is obvious, but she ignores it.

“Would it help you if I changed out of the suit?” is what Kara offers instead. She remembers Alex requesting it a couple of nights ago. Maybe being just Kara right now would ease Lena’s nerves.

Lena only stares at her. Kara figures it’s not a refusal and uses super speed to change into her Kara-Danvers-clothes. She’s back in front of Lena in a heartbeat, albeit the cardigan being a little tangled around her arms. She isn’t sure what she expects Lena’s reaction to be, but she surely doesn’t expect her to look like she might pass out.

“Are you okay?” she croaks out. The super-speed has left her out of breath a little. Or maybe it’s her nerves of being both Supergirl and Kara in front of Lena for the first time. It could be both.

Lena keeps staring at her. After a long moment, she shakes her head. “Knowing you’re Supergirl, and seeing it in person are two very different things.”

Kara’s heart sinks. “I’m sorry, Lena,” she repeats and adjusts her glasses with a trembling hand. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you. How many speeches I prepared and then threw out. I was too scared each and every time. I regret it so much, Lena.”

She looks up to gauge Lena’s reaction, but contrary to her previous anger, Lena’s face has gone rigid. It’s an expression Kara has seen Lena give other people many times. She would have never thought she would be at the receiving end of it one day.

“At first it was about protecting you from people who might use your knowledge against you,” she continues after a deep breath. “But over time I realized that it wasn’t just that. I was too scared to tell you. Because when you had a disagreement with Supergirl, you still loved Kara. So I wanted to be just Kara around you, always. When I realized that I was keeping an important part of my life from you, it was already too late. I’m sorry.”

The words rush out of her, having rested at the tip of her tongue for too long already. She doesn’t realize she’s crying until she wipes at her cheek with the back of her hand and it comes back wet.

She sees Lena gripping the hem of her jacket and biting her lip. “It’s not that easy, Kara. How can I know that you trust me at all? You kept a secret from me because I’m a Luthor. How can I trust you at all? A simple apology won’t fix this, Kara.” Lena gulps. “You betrayed me. You broke my heart. I-“ Lena covers her mouth, interrupting herself. Nevertheless, Kara can hear a quiet sob escaping her lips.

She wants nothing more than to close the distance between them, to wrap Lena up in her arms and protect her from the lies and heartbreaks of the world. Knowing she’s the reason behind Lena’s pain breaks her, more than any of Lex’ Kryptonite ever could. She has nothing more to say.

She’s crying, too. She wonders what they must look like from an outsider’s perspective. Standing in the middle of a rooftop patio, their tears sticky on their cheeks and reflecting the dim light of the light strings on the fence. A car honks down on the street. It brings Kara’s thoughts back to what brought her to this bar in the first place.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Saskia?” She whispers. It’s only after the words have left her mouth and Lena’s eyes go wide that she realizes she’s not supposed to know her name.

“How,” Lena takes a second to formulate a thought. “How do you know her?”

Kara looks away. “I … I don’t know her, I only met her once, I … why did you keep her from me? From all of us?” Deflecting the question isn’t the way to go, but she can’t help it.

“You’re in no position to ask me why I kept a secret from you, Kara, don’t you think?” Lena asks and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “How did you even know she was in danger? How many more secrets are you keeping from me?”

“No, Lena, I-“ Kara reaches out a hand, but even though it wouldn’t have touched Lena, the CEO takes a step back. Kara sobs. She can’t have Lena thinking that she knew Saskia. “You should talk to your sister. It’s not on me to tell her part.”

Lena stares at Kara for another moment, then turns on her heel. “I can’t do this, Kara. I can’t stand to see you right now. I don’t know what to believe.”

Without sparing Kara another look, Lena strides across the patio. Her heels are clicking on the hardwood floor, and Kara listens to them change their sound when Lena reaches the staircase and disappears into the bar downstairs. Kara could keep listening to Lena, listen as she calls her driver, listen to her rapid heartbeat on the way home.

Instead Kara tunes out the world and surrenders herself to her heartbreak. She loses track of time, her tears flowing freely as she stands alone under the night sky of the city she loves to protect but that can do nothing to protect her from her own mistakes.

“Supergirl!” Alex’ voice rings through the intercom and startles her. “Supergirl, are you alright? Did you eliminate the threat towards Lena and Saskia?”

Kara wants to laugh, but it comes out as another loud sob. “They’re both safely on the ground.”

“What happened? Did you talk to Lena? Can I call off the DEO-emergency?” Alex sounds so concerned at the other end of the line, Kara cries a few more tears just from the comforting sound of her voice.

She puts her cardigan closer around her torso. “No emergency, Alex, let the agents go back to enjoying their Friday night. But can I come over and interrupt yours for a second time tonight?”

Kara can’t see it, but she knows Alex is rolling her eyes. “Yes, Kara. You’re always welcome here.”

“Thank you.” Kara wipes at her eyes. She stumbles a little when she attempts to get ready to take off. She’s exhausted. She takes a deep breath and holds up her fist into the sky. She flies up and into the night sky. Underneath her, she can hear the waiter coming back onto the patio and police sirens somewhere down the street.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to make a WiFi hotspot on my phone and connect it to my laptop to post this, because I watched the Miss Americana documentary last night and I'm out of WiFi ... anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter. I'm going to sleep now, but for those of you in other timezones, have a good Saturday!

Lena rushes out of the bar and onto the street as fast as the crowded place allows her to. Other patrons send her dirty looks as she bumps into them, but she pays them no mind. Outside, she calls her driver and opts to wait in a dimly lit, closed shop entrance a few feet away from the bar.

Wrapping her cardigan closer around herself, she keeps an eye out for the black limousine. Her tired eyes wander over the bright lights of traffic, and the reality of what has just occurred in the last hour starts sinking in. She shivers. A sob threatens to escape and she clasps a quick hand in front of her lips. A mocking voice creeps into her head: _the media would have a field day if they could see you like this_. It sounds suspiciously like Lillian’s, and she shakes her head to will it away.

The limousine approaches and halts in second row. Lena makes a beeline for it as if the inside of the car could shelter her from her own thoughts of desperation. Her driver glances into the rearview mirror to make sure it’s really her, but doesn’t ask about Saskia’s whereabouts. Lena feels grateful for it. It’s not like she has an explanation for him, anyways.

“Home, please” is all she says. Her driver nods and drives off.

Through the tainted window of her backseat she can see heads turning. People looking after the retreating car, wondering who of importance might have just been picked up from their mid. Lena spends the short ride looking out the window without taking in any of what she sees. She only realizes they’re in front of her building after the car has been standing still for a while and her driver clears his throat.

“We’re here, Miss Luthor.”

She is about to open the door when her phone buzzes with an incoming voice message from Saskia. Her hand hovers over the door handle. She is unsure what to do. She could go upstairs and wallow in her self-pity, but she doesn’t trust herself not to drink herself into a coma. She already knows she won’t be able to sleep. She could call Sam, her only friend not involved in this mess, but they haven’t talked in a while and she isn’t sure if it would be appropriate. She just ran away from Kara, and Saskia …

“George, I’m sorry” she turns around and settles back into the seat. “Could you drive me to the Royal Hotel? I’m giving you the rest of the night off.”

Her driver looks at her through the rearview mirror with furrowed brows. “Are you sure, Miss Luthor? I don’t mind waiting on call.”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

He only nods and turns back onto the street. Lena doesn’t listen to the voice message on the way. She doesn’t have a Plan B in case Saskia isn’t at the hotel. She just stares out of the window, doing her best to keep herself together. All her employees have signed dozens of NDAs, but she doesn’t need the added embarrassment of crying in the backseat of her limo.

When the hotel comes into view, she feels a nervous flutter in her chest. What is she even supposed to say to Saskia? ‘I’m glad you didn’t die tonight?’ They’ve barely pulled up into the driveway before Lena rushes to get out, too afraid she might change her mind again.

The portiere’s eyes widen when he sees her, and he doesn’t approach her. Lena almost wants to laugh. This hotel is not Luthor-owned, to start, and he likely already witnessed Saskia entering not too long ago. The massive glass doors open and she steps into the lobby. Luckily, the receptionists are busy checking in a family and don’t notice her entrance. She’s almost at the elevator when the TV screen at the opposite wall catches her attention. Her breath hitches in her throat and she stands rooted to the ground.

“… National City News at 11! In breaking local news, several dozen people have reported that Supergirl prevented a suicide in the downtown area just short of an hour ago. Videos and photos circulating on social media show a young woman standing on the edge of a rooftop bar on Granville Street.”

The news channel shows a grainy video of Saskia leaning over the edge of the rooftop fence. Lena feels her heart skip a beat. If the sight had stressed her out from standing next to it, it certainly looks even more disturbing from below.

“The identity of the woman is unknown, and the rooftop bar owner is presently withholding public comment. Police are investigating, we will keep you updated on the matter.”

Another video appears on screen, showing Supergirl flying towards the roof at high speed and plucking Saskia from her predicament. Lena can hear the people on the street shouting in the background of the video before it ends abruptly and the previous clip is being repeated.

“In global news, Taiwan has legalized same-sex marriage, making it-“

Lena snaps out of her daze as the news anchor moves on to the next topic and remembers where she is. She darts towards the elevator. It is only when she stands inside that she realizes she doesn’t know Saskia’s room number. She curses under her breath. The elevator doors close, but it stays on the ground floor. Lena stares at the buttons as if the numbers might reveal Saskia’s floor to her from sheer force of will.

She startles when the doors open and someone stumbles inside. She takes an instinctive step back and winces when her elbow hits the wall. She looks up to find her own face staring back at her.

“Lena.” Saskia is out of breath and has to steady herself on the handle.

Lena feels the blood rushing in her ears. They regard each other in silence for a long moment.

“Come upstairs to talk? Did you get my voice message?” Saskia slurs her words, her accent more enunciated than usual.

Lena has no words. She came here to talk to Saskia, but now that she is looking into her eyes, she wishes she had gone home. Nevertheless, she nods slowly.

Saskia all but slams her hand onto the elevator buttons. She’s drunk, Lena realizes. Guilt washes over her. She shouldn’t have let Saskia walk off alone. The ride to Saskia’s floor is silent. Lena steps off the elevator relieved that no one else got on.

Saskia’s room is a small two-room suite. Her clothes are strewn carelessly all over the couch and the lounge chair. A dirty coffee mug is lying in the sink. Saskia throws her key card onto the kitchen island and plops down onto the couch, not bothering to put the clothes away.

Lena frowns. Out of the two of them, she has always been the tidier one, but this scene seems unlike her sister. She walks over to the couch and crouches down next to Saskia to meet her at eye level. Maybe she would have yelled at her sister, or pushed her away like any other person she has ever been close to. However, seeing the sadness etched into the worried crinkles on Saskia’s face makes her forget her own confused anger.

“What happened tonight, Saskia?” she whispers.

Saskia groans.

“Why did you climb onto the fence?” Lena can’t help the pleading undertone in her voice. “Why did you get so drunk? Why did you leave so suddenly?”

Saskia shifts so that her chin is resting on her hand. It looks like she’s having trouble keeping her eyes open, only staying awake for Lena’s sake.

“I’m sorry.” She starts to sob.

Lena doesn’t know what an adequate reaction would look like. Should she give her a hug? Should she stay away? She opts to reach out and rest her hand on Saskia’s arm, hoping it provides comfort.

“I … I was on the phone with Olivia before we left for the bar.” The words come out slowly.

“She’s back with Alex.” Saskia clears her throat. “Her fiancée.”

Lena’s mouth forms a surprised ‘O’-shape, but no sound comes out. For a long moment it’s so quiet in the suite that they can hear a child crying in the next room. Lena remembers when Saskia mentioned Olivia’s fiancée, how angry she had been at him.

“I just can’t believe she would let him close again,” Saskia whispers. “He cheated on her during the worst time of her life. During the worst time of _my_ life.” She sobs again. “I despise him.”

“I’m so sorry, Saskia.” Lena bites her lip. “Did she say what happened for them to be again together so suddenly?”

“No,” Saskia sighs. “We were just talking on the phone for the first time since I got here. We’ve been texting daily, though. She said she wanted to know how I was doing, and when I told her I was getting ready to go to dinner with you she was really happy for me. She knows how much … how much reconnecting with you means to me.” Saskia averts her eyes.

Lena swallows thickly.

“Then before we hung up, she said she needed to tell me something important. Said I’m the first to know. I … I know I should be happy for her, but I was just speechless. Then I got your text that you’re in front, and I just told her goodbye quickly and hung up. I just …” Saskia sniffs.

“And then I tried to drown my feeling in negroni, I guess,” she adds and chuckles.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Lena knows it’s a bold question coming from her, but she can’t help but ask.

Saskia wipes at her eyes. “I just wanted to have a nice time tonight.” Her voice is small. “But now I don’t even remember what we talked about.”

Lena winces a little, remembering all too well how she tried to bring up the topic of their biological father. She’s glad that the opportunity didn’t present itself, now.

Saskia looks at her intensely. “I didn’t mean to bring myself, or you, in danger tonight. I’m so sorry, Lena. I saw the news too, when I saw you in the lobby earlier.”

“I’m just happy you’re safe,” Lena admits. Her anger towards Saskia has blown away, like a blanket of snow from a rooftop, leaving only her worry blank.

“Supergirl saved me,” Saskia says with a far-away look in her eyes. She sits more upright, hugging her knees to her chest. Lena sits down on the armrest.

“Yeah,” Lena hums and bites the inside of her cheek. So, they’re going to address this. “She always seems to know when I’m in danger, too. I wonder how she does it.”

Saskia stares at Lena for a moment, then her eyes go wide as if she just remembered something. Despite her previous exhaustion, a wide grin spreads across her face.

“What?” Lena asks.

Saskia says nothing. It is then that it hits Lena. She sits bolt upright. Narrowing her eyes at her sister, she raises her voice: “Ka- I mean Supergirl, Supergirl knew your name! Have you met before?”

When Saskia still doesn’t speak, Lena’s anger comes back full-force. “Were you planning this? Was this just some trick to get Ka- … to get us back together? How much do you know?”

Saskia attempts to get up as well, but she winces and holds her head in her hands before sitting back down. She looks up and Lena with remorse, her amused expression gone.

“No, Lena, I swear, I didn’t …” She looks away. “I met Supergirl this week. You’re right. I’m sorry. And yes, I know her civilian identity is Kara Danvers. I’ve also met Alex and Kelly. I’m sorry.”

Lena’s legs tremble, and she feels like all the air has been punched out of her lungs. “How?”

Saskia reaches out and grabs Lena’s arm. Lena lets her. She doesn’t have the energy to jerk away.

“It wasn’t to trick you,” Saskia starts and sighs. “You have to believe me. And I didn’t plan on having a near-death experience tonight, either. I know I joked about Supergirl saving me that one time, but I don’t know what got into me there on the rooftop.”

She holds Lena’s arm a little tighter as if holding onto her trust. “I was just looking out at the stars, and then I thought of Supergirl, and then of Kara and how much she loves you and you love her, and how I will never have that with Olivia and-“ she talks faster and faster, the words spilling out in urgency as if Lena could turn around any moment and run out. Lena barely has time to register the meaning of her sister’s words before she goes on.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, I don’t think. Even though I really wanted you to reunite with … with Kara.” Saskia swallows.

Lena takes a deep breath, more questions on the tip of her tongue. Saskia, however, continues. She gives her a quick rundown of how she met Alex and Kelly at the bar the previous weekend, how she met Alex again at L-Corp and then secretly visited her and Kelly. How Supergirl had simply flown in through Alex’ window and immediately known that Saskia wasn’t Lena (though she leaves out the details how she figured it out) and how Saskia had put two and two together, figuring out that Supergirl was Kara Danvers just as swiftly.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I’m not sure if this makes it better, but Alex didn’t tell Kara about me either, at my request. That wasn’t the right thing to ask, but I was so anxious about meeting you again. Kara was really upset about it, and I don’t know if they’ve reconciled. I haven’t talked to Alex since that night.” Saskia hangs her head low.

Lena only hums in response. Her head is spinning from all the new developments this night has brought so far. She wants to believe that Saskia didn’t get herself into danger on purpose, but it all just fits too well to not be a lasting doubt in her mind. And yet, she’s weirdly … grateful for it. After resuming her good night texts with Kara, she had wondered more and more what it would be like to see her again. She wants to voice these thoughts, but a coughing fit from Saskia interrupts her before she can even open her mouth.

“I-“, Saskia starts between coughs, but she can’t form a sentence.

Lena rushes to the kitchen area and is relieved to find a bottle of water in the small refrigerator. Saskia accepts it with a nod.

“God, everything hurts.”

Lena looks her sister up and down, worried she might be bruised. “I have an emergency physician I can call, he’d be here in no time, my private insurance can cover it and-“

“Lena,” Saskia interrupts her and coughs again, but a little less severe this time. “I appreciate it, but there’s no need. I’m just drunk and tired. My head feels ten times its size.”

“You should go to sleep.” Lena offers. Then she remembers she gave her driver the rest of the night off. She has never called an Uber in her life and tonight will not be the night for new experiments. “I’ll stay here, sleep on the couch. Is there an extra toothbrush in the bathroom?”

Saskia regards her for a moment before she nods. “Thank you.” Her voice is hoarse.

Lena tidies up the room while Saskia uses the bathroom, then gets herself a bottle of water from the fridge, too. She briefly wonders if there is anyone she should contact that she’s staying overnight, but draws a blank. Jess has weekends off, and Lena goes to the lab at irregular times on the weekends, anyways.

Saskia falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. Lena closes the blinds, drapes the blanket over her sleeping sister and puts the bottle of water on the night stand. She gets a bowl from the kitchen and puts it next to the bed, just in case. In the closet she finds an extra pair of pajamas and a blanket.

The couch is uncomfortable, but that’s not the only reason Lena lies wide awake. She spends the better part of the night staring at the ceiling, letting the events of the night play over and over again in her head. When she finally does doze off, the birds are already chirping in the tree near the window.


	15. Fifteen

“Argh, fuck!” Alex curses under her breath as she stumbles over Kara’s Supergirl boots on her way into the living room. They’re thrown carelessly onto the floor next to the couch.

The sunlight is filing in through the blinds, lending a golden tint to Kara’s blonde curls. The superhero snores softly on Alex’ couch as she clutches the ruined throw pillow tightly to her chest. Alex feels almost guilty for having to wake her, to pull her out of her peaceful sleep and remind her of the cruel reality of Earth-38.

“Kara.” She nudges her sister’s shoulder. Kara stirs.

“You have to wake up, it’s already past 10. Kelly just left.” Alex says softly. “And I have some good and bad news for you.”

Kara groans and wipes at her eyes. She turns around to look at her sister, still not free from the firm grip of sleep.

“What is it?”, she croaks out. Then she stares at Alex as the memories of last night are filtering back into her consciousness. She lets out another long groan and covers her face with the pillow.

“Good or bad news first?” Alex asks, amused, and crosses her arms.

There is a stretch of silence as if Kara is seriously considering her options. Alex nudges her.

“Good news first.” Kara’s voice comes out muffled from under the pillow.

“National City news reported this morning that the police will not investigate the so-called suicide attempt from last night,” Alex explains. “The bar owner came forward and said the patron in question had left the bar unharmed. J’onn called me this morning and said there was no need for a public statement from Supergirl and to just leave it at that. So, that’s at least one thing off your chest.”

Kara shifts on the couch. “And the bad news?”

“Kelly and I ate breakfast without you and there’s nothing left.” Alex chuckles.

“Noo!” Kara whines.

“If you want more than black coffee you have to either go grocery shopping or go to Noonan’s. We’re out of milk, too, including the almond milk.”

“Aleeex!”

“Or even a better idea, we go to your place! There’s only one fresh pair of jeans left in your drawer; we need to bring some more of your clothes back here soon.”

Keeping some of Kara’s clothes at Alex’ has proven to be crucial in emergency cases over the last few years. Knowing that J’onn would be angry if she doesn’t keep these preparations going, Kara groans one last time and sits up.

Kara doesn’t superspeed to get ready, and Alex doesn’t rush her. Alex busies herself by tidying up her living room and checking her social media for any late news about last night’s incident. To her relief, the buzz seems indeed to mostly have died down. She likes Nia’s photo on Instagram of her date with Brainy.

Sitting down on the couch, she can’t help but sigh. She’s worried about Kara. Kara, who had flown into her window in tears last night, barely landing on her feet. Who would continue to be this sad, empty shadow of her usual self until she had mended things with Lena. Alex decides they need to hear what happened last night from Saskia’s perspective. Kara had not been able to give the DEO any information on why Saskia had climbed onto the fence. She had been too caught up in seeing Lena again and all the hurt and guilt that came along with it.

“Ready to head out!” Kara’s voice startles Alex out of her thoughts.

Kara is standing in the doorframe with her hair still wet and a duffel bag thrown over her shoulders. She gives Alex a smile as she approaches the couch and starts collecting the boots and the rest of her suit into the bag.

“Actually, I could just change into the suit and fly us home, and stop on the way for donuts,” Kara says absentmindedly.

“No, Kara,” Alex replies and stands up to gather her own things. “I’m not letting you fly on an empty stomach.”

Kara pouts, but they end up taking the bus like regular people. They get off one stop earlier to stop by Noonan’s. When they’re standing in line – Kara with a tray of various special season donuts and a New-York-style bagel, Alex sheepishly clutching a paper bag with a cinnamon-glaze donut – Kara’s phone rings.

“Nia!” Kara answers with a voice so cheery everyone around them _has_ to know it’s forced. Yet the other patrons pay them no mind.

“Oh, of course! Alex and I are about to have brunch at my place, you can join if you want to!”

Alex tilts her head. She had been under the impression that they would go over a game plan to get Lena to agree to meet with Kara again, and calling a few hastily bought donuts ‘brunch’? She knows there won’t even be orange juice in Kara’s fridge.

“Alright, see you then!” Kara hangs up and turns around to Alex. “Nia will be joining us later.”

Alex sighs. “I figured as much.”

“I’m gonna grab some extra donuts,” Kara announces and leaves the line. Alex opts to not interfere.

When they eventually leave the store and walk the rest of the way to Kara’s place, Kara explains why Nia called. “She went on that date with Brainy last night, that I told you about, remember?”

Alex only nods.

“Well, apparently Nia tried to kiss him when they said their goodbyes, but Brainy turned around and all but ran away. So Nia texted him this morning asking if he was okay and he hasn’t replied yet, and she thinks he isn’t interested anymore.” Alex can hardly keep up with the wave of words leaving Kara’s mouth.

“And that’s so stupid! Just because they’re both afraid to make a move doesn’t mean they’re not interested in each other. Sometimes people do one thing when they want to do the other!” Kara makes a wide gesture.

Alex purses her lips and keeps her eyes on the sidewalk. She seriously wonders if Kara remembers their conversation from last night at all. Because if _her_ memory is correct, Kara had been too upset about other people having their romantic lives figured out to see what was happening in her own.

They arrive at the apartment, and Kara doesn’t seem to take notice of Alex foregoing a reply. She puts the bag of donuts onto the kitchen table and superspeeds to unpack her duffel bag. Alex turns on the TV to watch the news. Kara prepares coffee, then joins her sister on the couch. She is about to finish her bagel when the doorbell rings.

A minute later, a rushed-looking Nia is standing in the room, holding up a familiar paper bag. “Hey, I brought donuts from Noo- oh!” She looks at the scene on the coffee table with wide eyes.

The three women burst into laughter. Kara claps her hands. “The more the merrier!”

Kara gets Nia the mug she always uses when she comes over (the one with the unicorns that says “live your dream!”, even though it’s so kitschy Alex always puts it at the very back of the cupboard) and Nia pours an obscene amount of sugar into her coffee.

They chat for a while, Nia and Kara catching up like they did not just have lunch together 24 hours earlier like they do most week days. Alex knows it’s because they’re both avoiding a certain topic. Nia is fiddling with her hands in her lap, glancing over at Alex every once in a while. Alex decides to take action and clears her throat.

Kara’s head turns towards her, but Alex ignores her sister. She leans over to look at Nia. “So, Nia, you went on a date with Brainy last night?”

Nia hums. “Yeah. It was …” She looks down at her hands.

Kara gives Nia a soft smile. “You said the date went well, but he didn’t want to kiss you?”

“Hmm.”

Alex shifts on the couch. “I don’t think you should be worried. You know how Brainy is. He’s just not the best at expressing his emotions. Maybe he needs more time.”

Kara nods in agreement.

“I just … I just freaked out this morning when he didn’t reply” Nia admits and pushes a loose strand of hair out of her face. “I really like him and I don’t want to mess this up.”

Kara gives her friend a side hug. “I think he likes you too. He agreed to go on a date just the two of you, that’s a big step. If he doesn’t reply by tomorrow, you could try to text him again and check up on him. He would be a fool to not be interested in you.”

Nia gives her a shy smile. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll try not to be so nervous about it.” She grabs her coffee mug, and there’s a beat of silence.

“So, how was your movie night?” Nia asks and turns to Alex. “Kara said you wanted to catch up on Stranger Things?”

Kara makes a grimace. Alex purses her lips. “Oh really, did she say that?”

“What-“ Nia turns to Kara, and then looks back at Alex. “Oh no.”

Alex says nothing. This one is on her sister. Kara is suddenly very interested in the powdered sugar sticking to her thumb. When she looks up, her chin quivers.

“Nia, do you remember your dream about the Ferris Wheel?”

Nia says “yes” at the same time as Alex asks “what?”. Kara takes a deep breath.

“Remember when I told you about Nia’s vision?”

Alex nods.

“Well, there was another thing I forgot to tell you. Nia kind of had a dream the night you and Kelly met Saskia.”

“Saskia?” Nia asks with furrowed brows.

Kara inhales audibly. “Yeah, so that’s the thing I didn’t tell _you_ yet, Nia.”

Alex and Nia share a look. “Nia, why don’t you explain your dream and Alex explains about Saskia?” Kara bites her lip. “I didn’t mean to keep anything from you, Nia, I just wanted to keep you out of this mess. But now the cat’s out of the bag, I guess, even though I feel like this is something Lena should explain to you herself when the time is right.”

Kara goes quiet after that, and Alex notices her fingers trembling. The donuts and the talk about Nia’s date had been a good distraction to her sister, but now that the focus is on her again, Kara seems hesitant. Nia seems to feel it too and begins to explain her dream to Alex. Kara only nods along, sipping the rest of her coffee. Alex releases a long breath once Nia has finished.

“So, the second Lena in the dream is Saskia … interesting. I wonder what the Ferris Wheel represents?”

Nia and Kara shrug. “I haven’t figured it out yet”, Nia says. “But who is Saskia? If she’s her twin, why has Lena never mentioned her?”

Kara sighs. Alex does her best to explain the situation, though she’s sure she’s leaving out a lot. When she gets to the events of the previous night, Nia’s eyes go wider and wider the more Alex recalls.

“I’m so sorry, Kara. I had no idea. But why did you say you were going to Alex’ last night?” Nia reaches out and squeezes Kara’s hand.

Kara looks down at her hands again and mumbles: “Didn’t want you to worry about me. Just wanted to be alone, think about Lena-“ Her voice trails off.

“I think it’s good that you got to do some thinking. You couldn’t have known how the rest of the night would turn out,” Nia offers. “How do you feel about having talked to Lena again?”

Kara shrugs, still not looking up.

“Oh, Kara.” Nia puts her mug down onto the coffee table and gives Kara a hug. Kara’s arms cling to her friend as if holding on for dear life. Alex wills herself not to cry.

“You will mend things with Lena. I know it doesn’t look like it right now, but I just know you will. You both just need time.”

When Kara doesn’t say anything, Nia continues. “Lena loves you just as much as you love her. You will find back to each other. Not everything’s lost.”

Kara hums, and Nia seems to take that for a good-enough answer. She turns to Alex. “What do you want to do now?”

Alex notices the worried look in Nia’s eyes. She’s grateful that Kara has another shoulder to lean on. She can only wish for Lena to have the same, though she isn’t sure who that would be. She wonders if Lena has kept in touch with Sam. Kara’s strained voice pulls her out of her thoughts before she can spiral into worry for Lena’s well-being.

“I need to see Lena again. Maybe not today, but soon. I need to.” Kara wipes at her eyes, leaving a trail of powdered sugar on her cheek. Alex doesn’t point it out.

“I agree”, she says instead. “You both need to talk, but to keep your distance at the same time. You can’t be in over your head.”

Nia gives her a look as if she understands what Alex means. Alex gives her a subtle nod. Out of their friend group, Nia is the one who probably spends the most time with Kara and Lena together. No matter how insecure Nia may be about her own dating life, Alex is certain she figured out what’s been unspoken between Kara and Lena for a while now. Alex suppresses an untimely grin. She gets why Nia and Kara are such good friends now.

“Would it help if Saskia and I are there when you both talk?”, she asks.

Kara takes a moment to consider. “Maybe.” It’s better than no response, Alex figures.

“We can think about it more during the rest of the day. I have to be at the DEO at 4, though.”

“I don’t have any other plans”, Nia offers.

They brainstorm some more ideas how to get Kara and Lena to talk again, but end up changing the topic to distract Kara while eating the rest of the donuts until Alex has to leave. Nia stays with plans to cook dinner with Kara later that night and watch documentaries.

Before Alex heads out, she hugs Kara tightly and kisses her forehead. “Get some rest today.”

At the DEO, nothing seems out of the ordinary. That’s why it surprises Alex all the more when J’onn pulls her aside as soon as she steps in.

“Agent Danvers, I must ask you a question.” He nods over to where Brainy is sitting at the desk. The overhead monitors are turned off except for the surveillance videos showing the entrance.

“Do you know what’s going on with Agent Dox today? He’s been acting weird all day.”

Alex glances in Brainy’s direction and chuckles when she sees him focused on a Buzzfeed quiz titled ‘What type of romantic are you?’.

She turns back to J’onn and smiles knowingly. “I think we should just let him be for today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday! Hope you liked this chapter. Thank you for your kudos and comments!


	16. Sixteen

“Miss Luthor.”

Lena jumps in surprise at the male voice coming through the intercom by the door. She places a hand over her chest to calm her beating heart. It’s just her security guard. _Right._ Ever since she shot Lex, she sometimes has nightmares about him coming back from the dead to haunt her.

“Your delivery is coming upstairs.” The intercom rustles, and the security guard hangs up. Not even ten seconds later, the doorbell rings. _Right._ The delivery, that she ordered herself half an hour ago.

Lena answers the door. The delivery boy’s eyes go wide when he recognizes her, and then a second time when she tips him 50 dollars. He stutters his thanks as he walks back towards the elevator. Even after all these years, Lena still doesn’t know how to react, so she only gives his retreating form a tight-lipped smile before she closes the door.

She starts taking out the breakfast and putting it on plates on the kitchen island. It’s a kale salad and a smoothie for herself, and a cream cheese bagel for her sister. Saskia must have heard the doorbell, because she comes into the room and plops down on the bar stool. She looks over the food, then sighs.

Lena raises an eyebrow. “Still not better?”

“No, I’m fine, I think,” Saskia replies and yawns. “But my colleague sent me data to prepare for the conference, and it reminded me of the fact that I have to book a flight still.”

Lena puts a cup of coffee in front of Saskia, who accepts it with a grateful nod. “We can work together today. I have e-mails to catch up on because I wasn’t at L-Corp yesterday. It could be nice.”

Saskia looks at her sister for a long moment. “Yeah,” she smiles. “That would be nice.”

They eat their late breakfast, talking about this and that. Lena is relieved that Saskia seems much better. They had spent the entire day before doing nothing, just lounging around the hotel room, watching TV, and catching up more on their long time apart. Lena can’t remember the last time she had a day off like this. It must’ve been in college.

Later, when Lena is reading e-mails from lab tech, updating her on their latest progress, she looks up to find Saskia staring at the wall at the other end of the room. She clears her throat. “Are you okay?”

Saskia turns around but doesn’t look at Lena directly. “I feel like I need to apologize again.”

Lena leans forward. “What do you mean?”

“For Friday night. I can’t stop thinking about it, about how I was so reckless. I kept rewatching the news videos of me this morning, and I can’t believe it’s me dangling so high above the ground. The more I think about it, the more I do feel like I did it on purpose, from somewhere in the back of my mi-”

“Stop.”

Saskia looks up with wide eyes.

“Seriously, Saskia. Please stop. You apologized and we talked about it all day yesterday. No one was harmed. That’s the only important thing.” Lena bites her lip. She means what she says. She doesn’t want her sister to feel guilty. She knows full well that she already carries guilt for the both of them, and it doesn’t look like she’s getting rid of it anytime soon.

Saskia stares at her, but then nods slowly. “Okay.” She clears her throat. “You’re right.”

Lena gives her a weak smile. They still have so much to talk about. But Lena will be damned if she breaks her sister’s heart again so soon. It will have to wait.

She turns back to her e-mails, but Saskia keeps shifting in her seat, giving off a nervous energy that Lena can’t seem to place. Eventually, Saskia gets up and goes into the guest bedroom. Lena thinks she might take a nap, but she comes back a second later, clutching something in her hands with a nervous smile on her face.

It’s a photograph, Lena sees when Saskia comes closer.

“I wanted to give you this, Lena.” Saskia whispers and sits down next to Lena. She holds it out to her like it might crumble between her fingers any moment.

Lena’s breath hitches in her throat when she takes the picture in. It’s of herself and Saskia at four years old. They’re sitting next to their mother, and Lena can’t help but notice how much they resemble her now that they’re close to her age. They’re high on a Ferris Wheel. Lena tries to conjure up a memory of the day in her mind. It must have been a St. Patrick’s Day funfair. She can easily tell which of them is which. Her teddy is partly cut off from the picture, but she can see her little hands holding it in a tight grasp. Saskia has the mischievous glint in her eyes that she has since brought to perfection.

Lena doesn’t realize she’s crying until Saskia whispers “hey …” and places a hand on her arm. Lena wipes her eyes. “Where … where did you find this?”

Saskia tilts her head. “What do you mean? I’ve had it the entire time.”

“Oh.” Lena’s shoulders slump.

“I remembered you telling me that you weren’t allowed to keep any personal belongings when you came to the Luthor household, so I wanted you to have this.”

Lena has no words. She hadn’t even remembered that day until just now. “Thank you,” is all she can manage to get out.

Saskia hugs her. “You’re welcome.”

Not being able to break her gaze from the photo, Lena falls into quiet again.

“Hey,” Saskia nudges her after a while, trying to lighten the mood. She grins. “Want more coffee?”

Lena looks up and lets out a genuine laugh. “Sure.”

Sometime after lunch, when they’re on their third or fourth coffee of the day, Saskia’s phone rings. Lena doesn’t miss the millisecond of surprise on her sister’s face before she answers it. She watches as Saskia raises an eyebrow at whatever the person on the other end of the line tells her. Saskia seems to have no intention to tell her who it is.

“And why can’t she ask her herself?” Saskia asks, her tone amused.

She scratches her chin. “I see.”

“I’ll let her know.” Saskia hangs up without saying goodbye.

When she turns, it dawns on Lena that the conversation had been about her. _Oh no._

Saskia grins and crosses her arms in front of her chest, phone still in hand. “Kara asked Alex to ask me to ask you if you would be okay to meet up with Kara and talk some more.”

“Um.” Lena shifts from one foot to the other. “That was Alex?”

“Yes, Miss youngest-graduate-in-the-history-of-MIT,” Saskia laughs, “that was Alex. Your future girlfriend is too scared to talk to you directly so Alex and I have to do all the work around he-“

“Okay!” Lena throws her hands up.

Saskia grins. “Okay?”

“I’ve been thinking about it too, you know.” Lena blushes. “Talking to her again. I know I ran away from her two nights ago, but mostly because I was so overwhelmed. I feel like I have a better perspective now. I’m still mad at her, but I …” she looks to the floor, “I can’t not see her. These past weeks without her have been hell.”

Saskia chuckles, but not with ill intention. “You might want to tell her that.”

“I know.” Lena blushes again.

She reaches for her phone and opens the message thread with Kara. Their last messages are the good-night texts from earlier in the week. Her heart flutters, and it unnerves her a little. She starts typing, then deletes it and rewrites her text. She feels at a loss for words. The ease with which they used to text is gone, and she has no idea how to return to it.

“You know,” Saskia interrupts her uncertainty, “you didn’t protest when I called Kara your future girlfriend earlier.”

Lena looks up to find her sister giving her a smug look. “I’m glad that my desperation provides you with entertainment, Saskia.”

Saskia only hums in response, then types away on her own phone.

Kara and Alex land on Lena’s balcony less than an hour later. It gives Lena a start. It’s not the entrance she would have expected them to make. Saskia only chuckles and goes to open the glass door. Lena watches them from the safe distance her spacious living area affords her.

She sees Kara differently now. Her appearance, her mannerisms, her voice are still the same - and yet, something has changed. She’s always admired Supergirl’s power and bravery, no matter their many disagreements. Knowing about the strength beneath the sweet surface of her best friend, however, is something new, something different. And it’s not off-putting, if Lena is being honest with herself.

The Danvers sisters step in, and Kara looks around the room with furrowed brows. She finds Lena, and their eyes meet.

For weeks, Lena has tried to hate Kara, to hate Supergirl. If it wasn’t apparent to her by now that such was a hopeless endeavor, it would be in this moment. The look on Kara’s face lets Lena know that Kara would lay the world at her feet just to earn her forgiveness.

Lena’s heart skips a beat.

Kara stays rooted to her spot.

Alex almost bumps into her.

Saskia clears her throat.

It causes Kara to break the eye contact, and Lena immediately finds herself lost without it. Alex and Saskia share a look before Alex speaks up.

“Thank you for letting us come over, Lena.” Her voice is soft, and she gestures towards Kara.

“But can I just say that it’s _really_ strange to see both you and Saskia in the same room?” She chuckles.

Saskia laughs in response, but Kara only looks down at her feet.

_She’s nervous,_ Lena realizes. _And Alex is, too._

She’s spent enough time around both Danvers sisters to know that they tend to ramble a little when they’re nervous. She can’t blame them. She’s jittery with coffee and anxiety herself. Lena has yet to welcome them, or to speak at all. She feels like a stranger in her own house. Overwhelmed, she looks at Saskia.

Saskia catches her silent plea for help and moves into action. “Okay, who wants coffee?”

Lena almost laughs. It seems to be Saskia’s go-to distraction for today. Glad to have something to do, she starts to prepare coffee. Meanwhile, Alex and Saskia speak quietly. About what, Lena has no idea. If she didn’t know better, she would think they were old friends. Out of the corner of her eye, Lena can see Kara staring at her. She pretends not to notice.

They sit down. Saskia resumes her previous spot on the couch, pushing her laptop aside. Alex pulls up a chair from the dinner table. Kara carefully sits down on the armrest of the couch on the opposite end, as if she was afraid to break it. Lena, with a decaf coffee for her own sanity, sits down at the barstool of the kitchen island. It’s quiet for a long moment.

“Did you do it on purpose?” Kara’s quiet voice eventually breaks the tension. She doesn’t have to elaborate.

Saskia, earlier nonchalance gone, only shakes her head.

“You know,” Alex starts, “Kara and I just need to get a clear picture of what happened on Friday. Everything happened so fast. Kara was with me when she heard you were in danger.”

Lena perks up. How does Supergirl, how does Kara always seem to know when Lena, or Saskia in this case, is in danger? There are millions of people in National City. It’s something Lena asks herself not for the first time.

“I’m not sure I believe you, Saskia” Kara says. She clears her throat. “You knew I listen to Lena’s heartbeat.”

Said heartbeat skips once or twice in Lena’s chest. Kara seems to notice, because she blushes furiously. Lena can’t help the heat from creeping up her neck, either. _Kara listens to my heartbeat?_

Alex and Saskia share another look. Kara fumbles for words. “I mean, you know. That’s why I- … yeah. It’s important that Lena is safe at all times, and it’s a good way for me to always look out for her, and. What I wanted to ask is, did you climb the fence to get me to come there and talk to Lena?”

Lena doesn’t miss the fact that Kara avoids her gaze.

“Lena asked me the same question.” Saskia’s words make Kara’s eyes go wide.

“And I’m not sure. I was drunk, really drunk, and my best friend, she-“ Saskia stops and bites the inside of her cheek. “I’m sorry. I want to say I didn’t do it on purpose, but I don’t know anymore. It’s all a blur.”

There’s another beat of silence. Lena wishes she could calm her racing heart. She’s hyper-aware of it now that she knows Kara tends to seek it out. If Kara can listen to it from across the city, what must it sound like to her in this moment, across the room?

“It’s okay, Saskia.” Alex offers and gives her a soft smile. “We didn’t mean to pressure you. You didn’t get hurt, and that’s the most important thing.”

Lena feels grateful for Alex’ words. Nevertheless, she can’t help but wonder when the older Danvers sister became so patient, so considerate. She supposes that it must be Kelly’s influence. There had been a time when Alex would have gotten agitated. Always demanding the truth, always protecting Kara at all costs. _Maybe we all need to be more patient with each other._

“Thank you.” Saskia whispers. She turns to Kara. “I’m sorry, Kara. You were still giving Lena time, and I ruined that. If the two of you don’t want to talk today, then that’s okay and-“

“No,” Kara interrupts her.

“I do. That’s why I called. Well, Alex called, but-“, she runs a trembling hand through her hair, loosening a strand from her ponytail.

“I’m glad I’m here.”

Lena resists the urge to walk over and tuck the loose strand of hair behind Kara’s ear. She digs her heels into the stool.

“I’m glad you’re here, too”, she hears herself say.

All eyes land on her as if they just remembered her presence, never mind the fact that they’re sitting in _her_ living room. It makes Lena realize that it’s the first time she’s spoken since Alex and Kara came in.

Kara’s gaze finds hers again, and this time Lena holds it. It’s warm, like the first rays of sun in the spring, tingling on her skin.

The moment is perfect until the ringing of Saskia’s phone pierces through it.

Saskia stares at the unknown number before she gets up and answers. The others can only watch as all color drains from Saskia’s cheeks the longer she listens to the speaker on the other end of the line. Lena feels rooted to her spot. Saskia says nothing. She only nods, not seeming to care that whoever is calling her can’t see it. Her expression is void of any emotion. When she ends the call, her hands tremble.

“It was Alex.” She clears her throat. “Olivia’s, my best friend’s, fiancée.”

_No._ Whatever it is, it can’t be good. Lena glances at her kitchen clock. She calculates that it must be before noon on Monday in Australia.

“She’s-“, Saskia struggles to catch her breath. “Olivia’s back in the-“

Lena is by her side and wraps her into her arms before Saskia can even finish the sentence. Alex and Kara’s eyes go wide in understanding. Lena has no idea how much they know, but it’s nothing she cares about right now.

Saskia feels like deadweight in her arms, and it takes all of Lena’s effort to hold her up. When it doesn’t suddenly, she looks up to see Kara supporting Saskia. She gives Kara a thankful nod.

“I have to go.”

Saskia pushes Kara and Lena away, and they don’t try to hold on. “I need to go back. Oh God. When’s the next flight? I need to reschedule my flight. I-“

“We will help you.” Alex’ calming voice interrupts her. “Breathe, okay? Breathe.”

Saskia stops and takes a deep breath. It comes back as a sob and she buries her head in her hands. “Why? It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”

Lena rubs her back, trying to soothe her when she feels just as helpless. “I’ll call my driver and my pilot, it’ll be quicker,” she offers.

Kara bites her lip. “I could fly you.”

Alex’ eyes go wide, but Lena is already searching for her phone. She makes two quick phone calls. Giving out the short, precise instructions makes her feel in control of the situation, if barely. Yet, it doesn’t seem to help the twisted feeling in her gut.

Lena has never seen Saskia look so helpless. She hates it. She hates that this is happening to someone Saskia cares so much about. She hates that Saskia will never reveal her feelings towards her best friend now. Saskia, who sought out Lena, sought out comfort from her estranged sister, and now has to leave with a broken heart that even her reunion with Lena couldn’t fix.

“Do you need anything else?” Her own voice sounds far away to her ears.

Saskia only shakes her head.

Lena clutches her phone in her hand. “Do you need money?”

“No!”

Saskia’s high-pitched yell makes Lena instantly wish she could take back the question.

“I don’t need your money, Lena! I have money myself. I invested in Olivia’s winery years ago when she couldn’t work! I-“ Saskia looks at the ground, wiping tears from her eyes.

“I appreciate that you take care of my return.” She takes a deep breath, and this time it seems to calm her a little.

“But all I’m asking is that you don’t forget about me again after I leave. I don’t want your money. I had a great time with you, even though I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble.” She gives the others a sad, tearful smile.

Lena gulps. “I’m sorry.” She puts a hand on Saskia’s arm. “I-“

She wants to say more, but the intercom buzzes. “Miss Luthor, the sedan is ready and waiting outside.”

Alex and Kara shuffle around. “We should go.”

They take turns hugging Saskia. Lena notices Alex holding her for a moment longer. It makes her wonder how much the two of them really bonded in the short time, or if it’s just Alex’ sister-instincts kicking in. Her heart feels heavy at the sight.

“You will always be welcome in National City, Saskia.”

Saskia gives Alex a sad smile. “Thank you.”

“We wish Olivia all the best,” Kara adds when she hugs her. Saskia only nods.

Kara and Alex take the elevator. Lena watches as the doors close and the numbers on the display tick down. By the time they hit 0, it’s as if she has already forgotten the reason for their visit. All that is on her mind is Saskia and Olivia.

The ride to Saskia’s hotel is silent.

Saskia types away on her phone and calls another friend. The two don’t say much, apart from Saskia reassuring her that she will be home as soon as possible. Saskia packs her bag in silence, and all Lena can really do is move around the room so she doesn’t stand in the way.

There is a traffic jam on the highway.

Lena tries to calm Saskia’s nerves in the backseat, but her sister only stops bouncing her leg when the car starts moving again. At the airport, they finally escape the crowds of people when they turn onto a private parking lot. Lena can see her jet waiting on the runway. A staff member comes out and helps with Saskia’s luggage. Saskia lets it all happen, and Lena knows her mind is already thousands of miles ahead.

Before Saskia has to go through the private security gate, she turns to Lena, her lip quivering. They study each other’s faces for a moment before Saskia crushes her in a hug.

“Please, don’t forget about me again.” Her voice sounds hoarse.

Lena holds back tears. “I won’t. All my friends know about you now.” She doesn’t say it to be funny, but it elicits a chuckle from Saskia.

“For better or for worse.”

Lena squeezes her one last time. “For better. Definitely.”

Saskia gives her one last, sad smile before she leaves. Lena watches her go through security and then disappear inside of the building, only to come out again on the runway on the other side. Lena remains near the window, watching the staff load the luggage and talk to her pilot. She makes a mental note to give him a big bonus for his troubles. After a while, the small plane moves towards the runway and takes off a few minutes later. Lena watches it retreat between the clouds.

Her heart aches; not only for herself, but for all the hurt in the world. Had Saskia not introduced herself back into her life, Lena would have never been aware of Olivia; her heart would have never felt with a woman she has never met. The world feels wider, all of a sudden. She watches the clouds change shape with the wind.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there. The security staff have long left, being needed at the regular terminals. Her driver approaches her and clears his throat. He has a coffee in hand.

“Ready to leave whenever you wish, Miss Luthor.”

Lena gets up and follows him to the parking lot. The ride back is just as silent, and the traffic jam has not ceased. Lena, however, doesn’t mind. She spends the rest of her day alone. She reorganizes the wine glasses in the cabinet and the cutlery in the drawers. Anything to keep her mind off her sorrow.

She sets a new time on her phone for Melbourne, right next to National City. She stares at it for a long time, watching the minutes tick by on the display. It makes her wonder how she could have ever been indifferent to her sister on another continent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
This chapter was kind of hard to write, took me weeks to write a draft and then I edited it three times. Hope you guys liked it despite the sad goodbye ... it's also a new beginning.


	17. Seventeen

Kara clutches the lunch bag closer to herself as the breeze picks up. Her hair gets tousled, and she uses her free hand to brush a few strands out of her face. She’s been circling the L-Corp building for a while, and she needs to make a decision soon. If she doesn’t either fly away or land on Lena’s balcony within the next minute, the security system might be alerted to her presence. The food doesn’t get fresher from being there in the air with her, either.

She takes a deep breath and flies behind the building. In a small alleyway she discovered years ago was perfect for changing from Supergirl into Kara Danvers or vice versa, she hastily ties her hair in a bun and adjusts her glasses. A heartbeat later she’s at the other side of the building, the large glass doors opening for her to enter the lobby. She makes a beeline for the elevator. She hasn’t been here in a while, and she can only hope that the employees are too busy to get to their lunch meetings to recognize her.

On Lena’s floor, Jess greets her with a surprised, but not unpleasant smile. “Miss Danvers?”

“Please, it’s Kara,” Kara tells her not for the first time, but this time she winces as she says it and lowers her eyes to the floor.

She doesn’t want this feeling of inadequacy to be so persistent, but she can’t seem to shake it off. She’s standing here with lunch for Lena, like she has done dozens of times. The fact that it’s something Jess is surprised about makes her just wish even more that things could just go back to normal at once.

Jess regards her for a moment. “It’s good to see you around. Miss Luthor is in the office, and she has no plans for lunch today.”

If this was before, Kara would stop for a small chat with Jess, ask her about her weekend plans or show her pictures of puppies on her phone. Jess would try and get the scoop on the newest CatCo gossip from Kara when Lena’s meetings ran overtime again. Now Kara has to wonder how much Jess even knows about the events of the last weeks, and if she’s still welcome here at all.

“Thank you,” Kara murmurs and gives her a small smile.

She walks towards the office, as always pretending the door is much heavier and harder to open for her than it is. At least that’s one thing that hasn’t changed, she thinks grimly as she puts on a show for Jess and the security cameras.

Stepping inside, Lena does not look up immediately and Kara is granted a moment to regard Lena in all her candidness. Lena’s posture is slouched, one hand is typing on the keyboard, the other rubbing her temple in annoyance at something on the screen. Kara can hear her grinding her teeth.

The door falls shut with a loud thud, and it’s probably the absence of Jess’ hasty steps that makes Lena finally look up. When their eyes meet, Lena looks baffled, but quickly schools her expression into a more neutral one, one she would give any visitor. It makes Kara’s determination falter again, until she hears the tell-tale rhythm of Lena’s heartbeat picking up. It reminds her of their conversation from the day before, and she blushes. Neither of them speaks, and instead they simply regard each other for two or three increasingly fast heartbeats.

“Kara.” Lena’s voice can’t conceal the surprise she banned from her face. She gets up.

“What brings you here?”

Kara has to take a deep, shaky breath before she can speak. Standing here like this, seeing Lena react this way, it reminds her of when they first became friends. Kara showing up with lunch just because she wanted to see Lena, Lena being confused about Kara’s lack of an ulterior motive. Kara swallows. She doesn’t want to feel like they’re back at square one.

“I brought lunch.”

She holds the Big Belly Burger bag in front of her as if it contains the meaning of friendship.

Lena crosses her arms, then uncrosses them again and runs a hand over her pencil skirt, straightening out an imaginary wrinkle.

“Well,” she starts. “I didn’t have any plans for lunch today.”

Kara smiles in relief. She wishes she could go for a hug, to ease some of Lena’s tension, but she knows she shouldn’t push her luck. Alex had warned her not to show up unannounced. Just being here with Lena will have to be good enough for Kara for the time being.

Lena gestures towards the couch, and Kara takes out their lunch. Two burgers and a milkshake for herself; fries, a garden salat and diet coke for Lena. They don’t speak, and it brings back Kara’s nerves. The tension between them is thick and uncomfortable, and it mixes with the greasy smell of the fries.

Kara finishes her first burger in record time even for her own standards, and looks at Lena while she wipes at her mouth with a napkin.

“So,” she clears her throat. “How has your day been?”

Lena looks up from her salad. She has yet to start eating, only stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork. She raises an eyebrow. “Uneventful. Yours?”

Kara has a death-grip on the napkin, and it’s shredded when she opens her hand. She sheepishly wipes the shreds onto the empty wrapper, hoping Lena hasn’t noticed. She doesn’t want this awkward small-talk. She feels like she’s being forced to work on a project with a colleague she has passed in the hallway for years but never talked to. All she wants is her best friend back. She watches Lena shuffle the salad around in its container before she speaks up again.

“I’m sorry if me showing up here is … weird? I just wanted to see you today”, she offers quietly.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry, I-“

She has half a mind to leave when Lena interrupts her. “Kara, please.”

Lena puts her fork down. “I’m happy to see you. I was just … surprised. But I would have forgotten to eat lunch today, so …”

She lets out a hollow laugh. “So, thank you for stopping by.”

She gives Kara a quick glance before she looks down again. Nevertheless, Kara doesn’t miss Lena’s chin quivering.

“I’m just … still making sense of everything.” Lena adds quietly.

Kara only nods.

Lena sags her shoulders and sighs. “Let’s just eat.”

Kara nods again. Lena finally picks up the cherry tomato and eats it, and Kara quickly digs into her second burger when she realizes she’s been staring at Lena’s mouth for too long. The tension is still there, but Lena’s reassurance that she’s not unwelcome makes Kara feel lighter.

Just half a week ago she wouldn’t have let herself dream about spending her lunch break at Lena’s office. She’ll take anything Lena offers her like it’s being presented on a silver platter, even if it’s eating in silence. _You will find back to each other_, Nia’s and Alex’ advice echoes in her mind.

_We just need time,_ Kara reminds herself. _We just need more time._

Kara is finishing her milkshake when Lena clears her throat. “Saskia made it back home safely. She went to see Olivia in the hospital immediately.”

Kara is surprised at the conversation starter, but she latches onto it like a lifeline.

“How is Olivia?”

She puts the empty cup onto the table. She’s never met Olivia, and she barely knows Saskia, but she wants nothing more than for this woman on the other half of the globe to be healthy and happy.

Lena looks up to meet Kara’s eyes. “They say she’ll make a full recovery, the … the cancer was still in an early stage. Saskia is still overwhelmed, though. They said Olivia had made a full recovery the last time, too, so…”

“That’s understandable.”

“But there’s something else, too. She’s not doing well with the fact that Olivia is back with Alex. She said they’re getting married soon.” Lena fumbles with her hands in her lap.

“She’ll never tell Olivia that she’s in love with her, now. I’m worried about Saskia. We talked on the phone this morning, just after she landed. She’s a mess. She thinks she’ll never find love now, that everything was taken from her. And I know how she feels, but I don’t want her to think that way about herself.”

Kara has to resist the urge to lunge forward and hug Lena. They’ve shared many vulnerable moments during their friendship, but seeing Lena so worried about her sister that Kara hadn’t even known about … is something else. It’s a pain she can relate to. Alex calling off her engagement, thinking she would never find love again. Even though Alex, just like Saskia, is a deeply caring and loyal person. And as her sister, she never believed for a second that Alex couldn’t be happy again. And now she has Kelly, someone who’s simple presence puts a smile on Alex’ face.

She puts a gentle hand on Lena’s arm. Lena lets her. “She needs time.”

A moment later, she adds, “and she has you in her life now.”

Lena doesn’t speak, only releases a shaky breath. Her gaze avoids Kara’s, and seems to be drawn to something across the room. Kara follows it.

There’s a framed picture sitting on Lena’s desk. Kara’s heart skips a beat when she sees it. A woman and two small girls on a Ferris Wheel. A Ferris Wheel. _Rao,_ she thinks and can only hope that the realization isn’t written all over her face.

She gulps. “Which one of you is which?”

Lena looks back to her, a small smile tugging at her lips. “The one with the teddy bear, on the left.”

“Cute.” Kara smiles back at Lena.

Lena swallows thickly. “It was taken only a few months before … before our mother passed away. Saskia gave me the photo. I had forgotten about that day until I saw it.”

The personal anecdote feels all the more intimate after their silent meal. They’ve never talked much about their family backgrounds. Kara used to think it was because she was the one keeping a secret. Lena directing her gaze towards the photo feels significant in a way Kara doesn’t know how to put into words. She squeezes Lena’s arm before she pulls her hand away.

“I’m happy you have something that connects you to your past now.”

Lena’s gaze lingers on Kara’s face until she nods and turns away.

“I am, too.”

A silence stretches over them again. Yet, it’s not as empty as before. It’s comfortable, like a warm blanket on a cold day. They each get lost in their thoughts. Kara absentmindedly lets her hearing scan the city. It’s the usual noises, people being out and about during their lunches, talking on their phones, sitting in traffic. She tunes back into the office. The only sounds are the whir of Lena’s laptop and the quick beating of her heart.

A memory sneaks into Kara’s consciousness. It’s of Lena telling Kara about her family on this very couch, years earlier. A more recent memory follows. This one of Saskia talking about the Luthors at Alex’ place, the night Kara had flown in through her window unannounced.

“Can I ask you something?” she blurts out before she can think about it.

Lena tilts her head in question. Kara’s cheeks burn hot, already regretting bringing it up.

“You don’t have to tell me. But I …” Kara bites the inside of her cheek.

Lena raises an eyebrow, and Kara knows that being at the receiving end of this particular look has made grown men in boardrooms stumble over their words. It doesn’t fare much better with her.

“Does-“, she takes a deep breath. She already hates herself for asking, but there’s no going back now.

“Does Saskia know that Lionel is your biological father?”

Kara’s chest feels tight with regret as soon as the words are out. Lena says nothing, only looks down at her hands in her lap. The silence this time feels like Kara’s words poisoned the air between them, like Lena is holding her breath not to take any of it in.

Before Kara can reach out, take her question back, apologize to Lena for overstepping, Lena shifts in her seat.

“I think you should leave, Kara.”

Kara stares at Lena, the seconds ticking by as she processes the request. “I’m sorry, Lena. I shouldn’t have-“

“Kara, please.” Lena’s voice is pleading, and it stings deep in Kara’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Lena. Please don’t push me away again. I should have known this was not an easy topic and-“ Kara’s words fail her. She wishes Lena would look at her, but she stares straight ahead.

Lena’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I just need more time.”

Kara closes her eyes. She wants to argue, she wants to apologize, but her shoulders sag and her lips tremble. She nods, but she’s not sure Lena even sees it.

“You can always reach out to me. You know where to find me.” Her words are mumbled, and she has to fight the hot tears pooling behind her eyelids from overflowing.

When Lena says nothing, Kara tiptoes towards the door. The heavy thud of it closing behind her echoes in her mind as she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy once-in-four-years Saturday! :P
> 
> Forgive me for ending this chapter on an angsty note. The storm is over but the waters are still a little rough for these two, but we're getting there. Thank you all for your kudos and comments, they mean a lot to me! <3


	18. Eighteen

“Thank you, Jess. Please update the schedule accordingly. I have to go now,” Lena stops in front of the DEO entrance, her phone pressed to her ear. A DEO agent lets her in, and she nods at him.

“Oh, wait!” Something else comes to her mind.

She walks down the hall towards the main lobby. “Did my pilot get the bonus and time off to go on his family vacation? Yeah? Good. Okay, I’m at my appointment, see you later.”

She hangs up just as she turns around the corner. She is having a busy day, and she hasn’t had time to think about her appointment with Alex and Brainy too much. Which is why she’s taken aback when the first person she sees is Supergirl, discussing something in front of a monitor with J’onn.

_You know where to find me,_ Kara’s words from a week ago echo in her mind. And yet she had been too caught up in her work to think about the fact that going to the DEO would mean there was a decent chance of running into Kara, into Supergirl. She closes her eyes for a moment. She should have cancelled the appointment when she had the chance. Now it’s too late.

Kara seems to hear her, or pick up her heartbeat, because she looks up and their eyes meet. Lena quickly looks away. She can’t look at Kara. She’s had enough time to process what happened during their lunch break a week ago, and it’s led her to an uncomfortable conclusion. So, she had retreated to old habits – burying herself in her work instead of thinking about her feelings.

J’onn clears his throat. “Welcome, Miss Luthor. Agent Danvers and Agent Dox are waiting for you in lab 102.”

Lena mumbles a ‘thank you’ and walks past them down the other hallway. She doesn’t look up at Kara, and Kara doesn’t call after her. Just as J’onn said, Alex and Brainy are already there, and Brainy greets her with an uncharacteristic enthusiasm.

“Lena! It is good to see you. I have been looking forward to hearing your input on my project!”

Alex, on the other hand, looks at her warily. She foregoes a greeting and only nods at her. Lena’s heart sinks. Of course, Alex would be in the know about what happened. It makes Lena regret it all the more. She nods back at Alex with what she hopes is a nonchalant smile on her face.

“Well, Brainy, why don’t you show me where you need my help?”

Just like that, they’re all focused on their work.

A little over two hours later, they emerge from the lab. Lena is tired, but feels accomplished. She walks ahead in the hallway. Alex and Brainy follow her, equally exhausted.

“God, I need coffee,” Alex laments and rubs her temple.

Lena laughs. “Yeah, coffee would be nice.”

They can hear laughter coming from the main lobby. Lena easily identifies Kara’s voice, and it brings her back to reality in an instant. Working in the lab makes her forget the world around her more often than not, so she is reminded for the second time that day that Kara is here at the DEO, too.

Turning around the corner, Lena can see Supergirl and Dreamer standing together, laughing at something on Kara’s phone. This time, Kara doesn’t seem to hear her. Lena stops in her tracks, taking in the sight of Kara, unsure of what to do. She’s in the middle of improvising an escape plan when Brainy bumps into her.

“Oh, Lena. I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I was, um-“ he stumbles over his words.

Lena narrows her eyes, and Brainy makes a helpless gesture towards where the two superheroes are standing.

“Yeah, I definitely need more coffee, I can’t handle this today,” Alex murmurs as she brushes past them.

Something like understanding dawns on Lena, but she has no time to dwell on it. Kara notices them standing there and Lena isn’t quick enough to look away this time. Dreamer puts a hand on Kara’s arm and whispers something in her ear, then walks over to one of the desks.

This causes Brainy to move into action. He mumbles a half-hearted “see you, Lena” and goes to sit down next to Dreamer despite none of the other desks being currently occupied.

Kara approaches her, and Lena’s escape plan vanishes into thin air.

“Lena.”

Her voice is a little too high, an almost pleading tone to it. Kara seems to notice, too, because she clears her throat. “How have you been?”

Lena swallows. She wants to walk past Kara, to tell her that she has important work to get back to. She is reluctant to make a scene here, however, in front of J’onn and Alex and the other agents.

“I’ve been good, thanks.” Her smile is tight-lipped.

“Do you have a minute?”

Lena closes her eyes. She knows she can’t turn Kara down. “Yeah.”

Kara bites her lip and gestures for Lena to follow her. They walk towards the balcony. It’s already late in the afternoon, and the sun has passed its zenith. They stand next to each other for a minute, just observing the traffic on the street below.

“Lena, I just wanted to apologize again for overstepping last week, I shouldn’t have-“

“No, you were right.”

Kara looks at her in stunned silence. “What?”

“You were right. I should have known you would ask about Saskia knowing Lionel was our biological father.” Lena takes a deep breath.

Away from the prying ears and eyes of the others, the admission falls easily from her lips.

“The truth is, it never occurred to me to contact her when I found out. And when I realized this while she was here, I was too scared to tell her. And then everything else happened, and there was just no right time. If anyone has to apologize it’s me for practically throwing you out.”

Kara hums in response. “Are you going to tell Saskia soon?”

“I don’t know.” Lena looks down at her hands.

“We FaceTime every day now, as far as our schedules and the time difference allows, but she’s dealing with a lot right now. I wouldn’t know how to bring it up.”

Kara hums again. “You could visit her in Melbourne? I’m sure that would mean a lot to her. I couldn’t ever imagine Alex living on another continent.”

She lets out a small chuckle. “I’d fly there every weekend probably. With or without the superpowers.”

Lena smiles at that, but it quickly falters. It has never occurred to her that she could just … get on a plane and visit Saskia, and talk to her in person about one of the most, if not _the_ most, important revelation of their lives. She could be there to see how Saskia is dealing with Olivia’s cancer treatment and engagement. She could meet Saskia’s friends …

“I know you are always so busy, but there’s nothing wrong with taking a little bit of time off, Lena. Saskia came to National City for you. I don’t know her much at all, but I’m sure she would be happy to see you.”

Kara’s words are so genuine, so true, that Lena can feel hot, prickling tears behind her eyes. She swallows. She doesn’t know why Kara is looking out for her and Saskia, it makes no sense. Kara could hate her for the secret she kept from her best friend, she could hate her for making her leave last week. But here she is, telling Lena exactly what she needs to hear, giving her a push in the right direction. Lena’s chin quivers.

“You’re right,” she manages to get out and turns to Kara.

Kara has a look of surprise on her face, mixed with something else Lena can’t quite place. Lena nods, and Kara holds her gaze. They study each other’s faces for a long moment. Kara’s eyes wander across Lena’s face as if she’s seeing her for the first time. Lena has to look away, but she steals a glance at Kara’s Supergirl suit.

She hasn’t had time to _really _look at Kara as Supergirl. She’s seen Supergirl a million times, both in person and on TV, she knows what the symbol on her chest stands for and that her cape is apparently undamageable. But now her gaze lingers on Kara’s arms, then her shoulders and the blonde, soft hair falling over them. She’s not sure she will ever get used to the fact that everything that makes up Supergirl, also makes up Kara. Her best friend, Kara.

She looks away. The city is bustling below them. Lena can make out the Waterfront from here, something she had never noticed before. Then again, she doesn’t usually spend more time than necessary at the DEO, and when she’s here, she doesn’t have the leisure to observe the city.

When she glances back at Kara, she is looking out at the water in the distance as well. Lena wonders what’s on her mind, what she thinks when she looks at the city she has sworn to protect.

“I miss you.”

Kara’s words are so quiet, so soft, that Lena almost doesn’t catch them. A lump forms in her throat. When she says nothing, Kara looks back at her. The vulnerability strewn across her face is a stark contrast to the strength hidden under her skin. Lena gulps.

“I’m still having a hard time thinking of you as Supergirl,” she confesses.

“I miss my best friend Kara.”

Kara reaches out a hand but stops herself before she can enter Lena’s personal space. Lena is silently grateful for it. She couldn’t handle a hug from Kara right now. She fears she might crumble in her arms, right there on the spot. Even the words that have just left her mouth have her cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“Nia is hosting game night on Friday,” Kara blurts out.

Lena tilts her head in question.

“You should come. We haven’t- … we haven’t had a game night since the last time at J’onn’s. My award ceremony is on Saturday, and I’m already so nervous. So Nia suggested doing a game night to distract me.” Kara runs a trembling hand through her hair.

“I will be Kara. Just Kara. We could team up, like we used to.”

Lena swallows thickly. The award ceremony. The Pulitzer Prize. The reminder hits her like a truck. She has been so caught up in everything, that she simply forgot about it. She hasn’t even read Kara’s article about Lex yet. She had been too upset with her at the time, though she vaguely remembers approving of having a copy of the special issue displayed on the couch table in the L-Corp lobby.

Kara stares at her, awaiting a response. It’s only then that Lena remembers something else, a piece of paper carelessly crumbled up in her office drawer. She never responded to the invitation. To Kara’s award ceremony. To present Kara the award. That is in a few days. She puts her head in her hands and let out a strangled noise.

“Lena, I’m sorry, Rao, I overstepped again, didn’t I?”

The panicked sound of Kara’s voice makes Lena look up again.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong, Kara” Lena tries to quiet Kara’s fears.

“I just-“

Somehow, they’re standing closer now than before. Lena can’t help but notice the worried look in Kara’s eyes, the heaving of her chest as if she had just flown over the city in record-time. Lena tears her eyes away.

“I just remembered something. It’s not-“ she bites her lip.

“It’s not about game night. I don’t know if I have time, I will let you know.”

She’s not saying no, even though she already knows she won’t go. As much as she wants things to go back to normal, as much as she misses Kara, she couldn’t handle sitting in Nia’s living room with all of Kara’s friends. They all betrayed her, too. Forgiving Kara is one thing. Forgiving Alex, Brainy, Nia, James, Kelly … she’s just not ready to face them yet.

Kara only nods.

“I’m sorry, Kara, I have to go.” Lena steps away from Kara, and Kara doesn’t make a move to get her to stay.

“I would love to have you at game night. But no pressure.” Kara’s voice is timid, like she’s afraid Lena will turn around and disappear on her again for weeks to come.

Lena doesn’t let herself dwell on the fact that that would not be an unreasonable fear.

“It was good to see you, Kara, truly.” Despite having avoided her earlier, Lena is being sincere. She feels lighter, somehow.

“But I have to go.”

Lena can feel Kara’s stare on her back like heat-vision, but she doesn’t turn around. None of the other agents seem to pay attention to her as she hurries down the hallway and onto the street.

Outside, Lena opts to not call her driver and to walk to L-Corp instead. It’s only a couple of blocks, and she could use the fresh air after being in the lab for so long. She pulls out her phone.

“Jess, I need you to organize something for me. Well, two things actually.”

At the other end of the line, she can hear Jess scrambling for her iPad and hastily typing on the computer. “Yes, Miss Luthor?”

“I need you to book me a flight to Melbourne for the beginning of next week. First class, vegetarian meal, the usual. Departure not before 6 am, if possible. I need a hotel for only the first night, I plan on visiting my sister.” Lena rushes to get the instructions out before she changes her mind.

“What about the international conference call on Tuesday?” Jess asks, but Lena makes a dismissive hand gesture before she realizes Jess can’t see that.

“The call is with an investor in Singapore, we can adjust the time. The time difference to Australia will be less, so it should not present a problem.”

She halts her steps when she reaches a red light and takes a deep breath. “One more thing. The invitation from the Pulitzer Prize committee that you gave me weeks ago.”

She hears Jess typing away. “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t remind you of it. I didn’t know if it was good timing.”

The traffic light turns green, and Lena keeps walking. She rubs her temple. Sometimes she does wonder if Jess might be doing her job a little too well. As much as forgetting about the invitation embarrasses her, she’s not sure she wouldn’t have yelled at Jess a week or two ago had she reminded her of it. She sighs.

“Right. I actually never responded to it. I know the award ceremony is on Saturday, but I need you to call the committee and tell them I accept the invitation.”

Jess takes in a sharp breath.

“It’s in the top drawer of my desk. Sorry it’s a little crumbled up.” Lena lets out a low laugh.

“Miss Luthor,” Jess starts. “As happy as I am that you wish to present the award to Miss Danvers, the presenter has already been announced on their website. I doubt the committee will agree to such a short-noticed change of-“

“Jess.” Lena’s voice is firm, but not irritated. Jess is right, after all. But Lena won’t take no for an answer.

“I need you to call the committee and tell them that I will be presenting the award. There’s a reason I was invited to do it in the first place. Unless Cat Grant comes out of hiding to present the award to Kara, there is no one else in National City that would be more suitable than me.”

Lena startles a little at her own words. Jess has gone quiet at the other end of the line. “If they oppose, tell them that L-Corp will sponsor not only the Pulitzer award but its subcategories as well for the next five years. Remind them that I still own CatCo, and that good, investigative journalism is in our shared interest.”

“Yes, Miss Luthor. Understood.” Jess clears her throat. “Anything else?”

“No. That’s enough for today, isn’t it?” Lena laughs. She feels sorry for the stress she’s causing her assistant, but there’s no one else she would trust more with the task.

A car drives by, blasting loud music through the open windows. A dog barks in response.

“Miss Luthor, can I ask where you are? Did you finish your earlier appointment?”

Lena laughs again. “I’m walking back to L-Corp. I should be there in ten or so minutes.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Though I might stop for coffee on the way. Do you still like vanilla latte, Jess?”

There’s a stunned silence. “Yes, yes I do, Miss Luthor. Is everything alright with you?”

“Yes, everything is great.”

Lena wonders if she’s not usually friendly to her employees. Then she realizes she has barely spoken more than the absolute necessary with Jess or anyone else at L-Corp for weeks now. She has been too caught up in her own head.

A coffee shop comes into view. Lena recognizes it – she’s been there before with Kara. She pushes open the glass door. Most of the seats are occupied, but there is no queue at the counter. She takes a moment to study the menu. Then she remembers she still has her phone pressed to her ear.

“Jess, what’s your favorite pastry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Jess' favorite pastry is? Let me know in the comments :P


	19. Nineteen

„A mountain? A fire?”

Nia’s living room is a mess of blankets and pillows with everyone sitting on the carpet around the couch table. The table itself is a mess of empty pizza boxes, half-empty wine bottles and soda cans.

„Walking around a fire? Feeding a fire?” James has his brows furrowed in confusion.

Everyone is yelling their guesses, speaking over each other while Alex is pointing at the flipchart, looking more frustrated with each second that ticks by.

“No. Come on guys, it’s not that hard!” She draws a few more exaggerated lines.

Kara huffs. “Your drawing is just bad.”

“You didn’t know how to draw a turtle earlier, Kara!”

Kelly interrupts. “Is it a fire or something else now?”

“It’s not a fire!”

“Aaand time’s up!” Nia announces with a grin.

Alex groans. She puts the cap back onto the pen and plops down next to Kelly again, adjusting a pillow to sit on.

“It’s okay, babe,” Kelly tries to cheer up her disgruntled girlfriend. “We won trivial pursuit earlier.”

Alex only grumbles in response and reaches for her wine glass.

Kara gives James a high-five. “Our turn!”

“Second to last round. James and Kara are leading with five points,” Brainy announces as he notes a zero under Alex’ and Kelly’s names.

James gets up and draws a card. He gives Kara a grin that is sure of success. Nia is about to set the timer when Kara’s phone rings from the coffee table. Everyone’s heads turn towards the shrill sound.

“Just a second,” she announces and walks across the room. She initially wants to ignore it, but when she sees who’s calling her, her breath hitches in her throat.

“Sorry, guys, I have to take this,” she mumbles.

She super-speeds into Nia’s kitchen before her phone goes to voicemail and picks up with a trembling hand.

“Lena.”

“Kara, hey.”

“Is everything alright?” Kara glances at the kitchen clock. It’s only a little after 10 pm. She wonders if Lena is still at the office.

“Oh. Yes, I’m good.”

Kara racks her brain trying to come up with a reason for Lena to call her at this hour. She lets their last meeting at the DEO replay in her mind. They had a good talk until Lena left abruptly. She had reassured Kara it hadn’t been because of something Kara said, but not given her a reason, either. It had left Kara confused for the rest of the day.

Lena clears her throat. “Are you at Nia’s?”

“Yeah.” Kara scratches her neck.

“Do you … do you still want to come over? We’re about to finish a game of Pictionary, and I’m teamed up with James. We’re about to win this round, but I could have used you as a partner in Trivial Pursuit earlier and-“

“Kara.” The way Lena says her name stops Kara mid-ramble.

“I appreciate the invitation, but no, thank you. I’m not ready for that yet. I just … I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh.” Kara feels her cheeks grow hot.

Something about the tone in Lena’s voice makes her fidget. Game night is a welcome distraction from everything, taking her mind off her award ceremony the next day. And yet, just hearing Lena’s voice brings back all of her jitters just like that. Like she’s being reminded of why Lena isn’t right here with them, complaining about the pizza being too greasy and exposing Kara when she cheats at Monopoly.

“Kara!” Alex yells from the other room.

“Get off the phone or the point will go to Kelly and me!”

“And all your previous points will go to Brainy and me!” Nia yells, followed by a murmur of protesting voices.

“And then James will be really sad!”

Kara rolls her eyes and yells back “Just a second!”

“I’m sorry, I can call you back later if this is bad timing” Lena offers, but Kara is quick to reassure her.

“No, no. Not at all. Sorry, they can wait.”

She pulls out a barstool and hops onto it, propping up an elbow on the kitchen island. “So, um, why are you calling?”

Lena chuckles. “I just told you. I wanted to talk to you.”

Kara bites her lip. “Oh, yeah. Okay. Alright.”

She wishes she wasn’t this nervous. They’ve talked on the phone countless times, sometimes into the middle of the night when Lena was somewhere on a business trip, calling Kara back in National City after a long day. Kara had always been happy to hear from Lena, to hear how the weather was in London, or how the food was in Munich, or what start-ups Lena thought worth investing in after a conference in Manila. But being _nervous_? Kara can’t remember ever being nervous at hearing Lena say ‘I just wanted to talk to you’.

“Are you still at L-Corp?”

“I am.” Lena sounds amused.

“But I will go home soon. I just had more work to do because I’m leaving for Melbourne on Monday morning.”

“Really?” Kara perks up. “That’s great! Saskia will be so happy to have you there. You’ll have all the time in the world to talk.”

“Yeah,” Lena breathes.

There is a small pause. “Thank you for pointing out to me that I can just go and visit my sister if I want to, for reminding me that I can put myself out there and show others I care about them. I realized I still need to learn that.”

Kara stays quiet while she processes Lena’s words. There’s something about the way her voice trails off during the last sentence that catches her attention. Lena has always been hesitant to verbalize her feelings. Instead, she has shown Kara over the years that she is important to her by making time for her. Like she is doing at this moment, calling Kara after a long day of work. Like she is going to show her sister by flying halfway across the globe. Kara smiles to herself.

She tunes in to Lena’s heartbeat almost out of habit. She finds it easily, like she finds her favorite song in her music library. There are no other heartbeats around Lena, and Kara imagines her sitting alone at her desk, the rest of her floor already covered in darkness. Lena’s heart however, doesn’t beat in the calm manner that Kara was expecting. It’s increasing by the second, and Kara can’t help but wonder why.

When Lena clears her throat at the other end of the line, she’s reminded of the fact that she has yet to respond. Before she can say something, however, Lena speaks up again.

“You know,” Lena starts. “Did I ever tell you why I moved to National City?”

Kara is taken aback by the change of topic, but answers dutifully. “Because you wanted to rebrand Luthor Corp, to turn it into L-Corp and a force for good?”

She can hear Lena release a long breath. “Yes. But there was something else. I came here because I wanted to be the Luthor to share her home with a Kryptonian. After everything that Lex did, it seemed like the right thing to do. I followed the news closely in those early days, you know. Supergirl saving a plane, Supergirl being everywhere suddenly, giving exclusives to CatCo magazine.”

Lena chuckles. “Jack thought I was crazy to leave everything we were working on behind in Metropolis. But I never regretted the move. Not even when I was on bad terms with Supergirl.”

Kara takes in a sharp breath. Apprehensive of where Lena is taking their conversation, she presses her phone to her ears, clutching it on the verge of snapping it in half.

“And the reason I never regretted coming here, to National City, was you, Kara. You turned my world upside down. I came here to make business, not to make friends. But you stepped into my office that one day, and never left my mind.”

Kara gulps. _Rao._ She should say something, but no words seem to be able to make their way from her brain to her tongue.

She remembers meeting Lena as Kara for the first time like it was last week. She remembers meeting her as Supergirl just as well, saving her from a crashing helicopter. Like an open floodgate, the memories suddenly come rushing in. Saving Lena at L-Corp, during a speech, during a gala. Trying to save Lena while being Kara, doing her best not to give away her powers and her identity.

Then, the harrowing memory of Lena saving her, saving Kara on the plane in Kaznia, not knowing her worry for her best friend was unfounded. Kara had almost revealed her identity to Lena that night. Almost. Then, the most dreadful memory of Lena saving Supergirl from the swarm of nanobots that threatened to suffocate her. Kara closes her eyes.

Lena had saved Supergirl over Jack. Not knowing that she was saving Kara too, Lena had made the decision to save Supergirl over her long-time friend Jack that fateful day in the lab. Jack, who had been reluctant for Lena to move to National City in the first place. And what had Kara done? She had further kept her secret from Lena. Not even Lena’s sacrifice had prompted Kara to reveal her identity to her best friend.

Kara feels hot tears pooling behind her eyelids. She knows that if she opens them, the tears will spill over. She presses them even closer.

Lena has gone quiet at the other end of the line, too. Kara wonders if she’s also thinking about Jack.

“I’m sorry for keeping everything a secret for so long, Lena. I really, truly am. It was the biggest mistake of my life.” Kara whispers after a long moment.

A beat of silence. “I know.”

Lena’s voice is not accusatory, not repulsed. It’s calm, like she simply acknowledges a fact. It makes Kara feel relieved, even if it doesn’t wholly ease her pain.

“Kara!”

Alex’ yell from the other room cuts through the air. Kara ignores her sister. She hears mumbling from the others, but she ignores them, too.

“The others have done a good job so far tonight keeping my mind off my nervousness for tomorrow, but I …” Kara swallows thickly.

“After everything that’s happened between us, I can’t stop thinking about how I became a reporter because of you, Lena. My life changed, too, when I stepped into your office together with my cousin. You mistook me for a reporter, but at the time I was still only Cat Grant’s assistant, never knowing if she would even recognize me among a crowd or know my name isn’t Kiera.” A chuckle escapes Kara’s lips, and she can hear Lena let out a small laugh.

“You always believed in me. In Kara. I mean, you … you bought CatCo, and told me that quitting wasn’t an option. The fact that I won the award because of my article on your brother, who ended up being the one telling you about my identity … it feels strange. But it also shows me that it always comes back to you. I wouldn’t be getting that award tomorrow without you, Lena.” Kara takes a deep breath.

Lena is silent. Kara clutches her phone tighter. If Lena doesn’t react in some way, she fears she might actually break it in half. She didn’t mean to admit all of this. The words stumbled out on their own, as if they’d been waiting at the tip of her tongue for a while. Maybe it’s the safety of the physical distance, the fact that she can’t see Lena right now. Maybe it’s the surreal feeling of sitting in Nia’s kitchen by herself when tomorrow she will be on a big stage in front of people and cameras.

Kara holds her breath like her life depends on Lena’s reply. In a way, it does. Talking to Lena again, seeing her in person again means more to Kara than she could ever put in words. The weeks-long radio-silence had been hell on earth, worse than being stuck in the phantom zone. Talking to Lena like this, _really_ talking to her, feels like finally re-charging with yellow sunlight after a long, draining fight. She needs Lena like she needs the yellow sun.

“Can I see you, Kara?” Lena’s voice cuts through her thoughts.

Kara is dumbfounded. “You mean, on FaceTime?”

Lena laughs. “No, I mean in person.”

“Oh.” Kara’s hands feel sweaty all of a sudden.

“You can still join game night? It’s not too late and-“

“No, Kara. Just you.”

Kara can’t help the blush creeping up her neck. She’s grateful Lena can’t see it. “Oh, yeah. I mean. Sure. Of course.”

“Great.” Lena’s voice is soft.

“I’ll be at your place in half an hour.” She ends the call before Kara can protest.

Kara stares at her phone like it’s an alien technology she’s seeing for the first time. She’s meeting Lena at her place. In half an hour. Just them, with no one else around.

A warm excitement spreads through her body. It starts in her chest, sweeps across her cheeks as a blush, and makes her toes tingle. Kara sits still and focuses her hearing on the ticking of the kitchen clock. She just had a good, deep conversation with Lena on the phone, and now Lena wants to see her. Not any of the others, just her. She smiles to herself.

She wonders what it will be like, to see Lena again with no one around this time. Sure, they had met on the rooftop bar, but that can hardly be considered a productive conversation. Kara had been hurt and confused, Lena even more so. Neither of them had time to prepare. Neither of them had even asked to meet that night. It had all just happened so fast.

But now? Now Kara will open her door for Lena, invite her into her apartment. Her apartment that Lena always says is ‘cozy’ and ‘homey’, and Lena will be there because she wants to be. Kara wonders if Lena coming straight from work will mean that she will borrow a pair of Kara’s sweatpants and her NCU hoodie like she used to do.

It’s only when she glances at the clock that she realizes she should get going – she can fly fast, but she probably still has some clothes lying around that she needs to tidy up. She leaps to her feet and rushes into the living room.

The lights are dimmed - the others have started watching a movie during her absence. Kara doesn’t blame them, nor does she particularly care. She does notice, however, that Nia and Brainy are sitting close to each other, and that Brainy has his arm around Nia’s shoulder. Kara makes a mental note to grill Nia about this development the next time she sees her. But for now, she has her own important matters to attend to.

“I have to get going, um.” Kara says into the room to no one in particular.

Alex turns her head away from the screen and narrows her eyes at her. “What took you so long? Who was that? Mom? Did you steal her good towels again last weekend?”

Kelly bites her lip to suppress a chuckle.

“No, I just um. I have to go. I’ll text you later. Have a good night everyone!”

Her mind is already halfway across the city, and she doesn’t have it in her to come up with a good excuse. Not that Alex would buy it, anyways.

Alex raises an eyebrow at her, but then understanding dawns onto her face. “Oh. Ok. Well then.”

She looks at Kara for a long moment. The movie keeps playing on the TV, but it doesn’t reach Kara’s ears.

When Alex speaks, it’s so quietly that even Kelly can’t hear it, but Kara hears her sister clear as day.

“I hope your heart knows the way.”

It echoes in her memories from two weeks ago, when she had left Alex to close the window after her, rushing to get to Lena and Saskia. Kara only nods in response. She still isn’t sure she knows exactly what way it is her heart wants to go, if it wants to go somewhere at all. Right now, all she knows is that she needs to go home.

She super-speeds out of Nia’s apartment, the living room door swaying from the gust of wind she leaves behind. She hurries down the stairs and flies off as soon as her shoes hit the pavement.


	20. Twenty

Standing in front of Kara’s door, it feels like the first time to Lena, and at the same time like she’s coming home.

She takes a deep breath, fumbling with the take-out bag in her hands. When she raises her hand to knock, she remembers that Kara can see and hear her even through the closed door. Her hand freezes mid-motion. She is still not as used to her best friend being Kryptonian as she would like to be. She takes another deep breath, then knocks anyways.

Kara opens the door within the blink of an eye.

“Hey,” Lena says, feeling out of breath.

Kara stares at her with an open mouth as if seeing her for the first time. She fumbles with her glasses.

“Hi.”

It’s endearing, and so _Kara_. Lena has spent quite some time thinking about her obliviousness towards Kara’s Supergirl identity in the last few weeks. It’s moments like this when she understands why she had been too blind to see what was right in front of her all along.

“Can I come in?” Overplaying her own nervousness with amusement, she grins at Kara.

Kara blushes. “Oh, yeah, sure of course.”

They don’t hug when Lena steps in, and Lena wonders if that might be for the best. Even the slightest touch of Kara’s fingertips might be too much. As soon as she had ended the call, her nerves had gotten the best of her, and she had almost called Kara back just to tell her she had changed her mind.

She clears her throat. “I brought potstickers.”

Kara’s eyes light up like a child’s on Christmas Morning. “Yes! Thank you, I’m starving!”

Lena chuckles. “Didn’t Nia feed you?”

“She did, but that was _hours_ ago, and I flew here and that burns calories, okay?” Kara laughs and takes the bag from her.

Lena rolls her eyes and wants to make a sarcastic comeback, but their fingers touch, and Lena freezes. Kara’s touch is brief, but it lingers on her skin. It takes her a few moments to regain her composure. When she looks at Kara, she doesn’t miss the fact that the blush on her face has deepened.

She forgets to reply at all, and follows Kara towards the couch in silence. A little folded piece of paper weighs heavily in the pocket of her suit pants as she moves through the familiarity of Kara’s apartment. It’s her speech for the next day, a few handwritten notes she had jotted down earlier tonight.

Declining Jess’ suggestion to hire a professional writer for her speech, she had sat alone at her desk, trying to find the right words to say to Kara. It occurred to her then that there was so much more to say than she could in a short speech in front of people. Her office had suddenly felt cold and uninviting, and before she knew it, she had already dialed Kara’s number.

She settles between the mis-matched throw pillows on the couch and sighs when she takes off her heels, the carpet feeling soft under her tired feet. Kara’s scent engulfs her, and it puts her more at ease than she would ever admit out loud. When she looks up again, she finds Kara staring at her with her cheeks flaming red. Kara quickly looks away, busying herself with the take-out.

“Thank you for calling earlier,” she whispers as she unpacks the food.

Lena smiles. “Thank you for making time for me.”

“Always.” Kara’s voice is still quiet, but she looks up again, and their eyes meet.

Lena feels almost overwhelmed by the way it feels so much like before, that if she closes her eyes, she might just forget for a second that everything is different now.

But of course, everything _is_ different. Lena could tell with her eyes closed from the way Kara sits down with a distance in between them. Kara takes her in with a careful look, then jerks up.

“Oh, wait! Do you want something to drink?”

Before Lena can answer, Kara has already super-sped to the kitchen and back, setting down two glasses of wine onto the couch table. Lena raises an eyebrow.

“Are these the benefits I’ve been missing out on all this time? Super-speed service?”

Kara flushes. “I, um, I mean, I don’t do it all the time, in fact Eliza forbade it in the house-“

“Kara, I was joking. It’s a nice bonus, though.” Lena laughs.

She picks up the glass of wine and swirls it around. When the wine touches her lips, she hums. It’s one of her favorite varieties, one she knows Kara definitely didn’t buy herself. It must be from a bottle she herself had brought to game night once and that was leftover.

Kara opens the food container, and takes out the potstickers. She sends Lena another grateful smile before she picks up two at once and eats them. She closes her eyes as she swallows.

“So good,” she mumbles with her mouth full. It makes Lena laugh.

Lena watches as Kara shoves two more potstickers into her mouth. She’s too nervous to eat herself. She also knows that Kara tends to stress-eat and that Kara is definitely eating her nervousness right now. She also knows better than to point it out when Kara looks so happy with her favorite food.

Kara seems to sense that something is off because she stops after her third bite and looks at Lena. “You’re not eating. What’s wrong?”

Lena takes a deep breath. “I … have something I need to tell you.”

Kara’s eyes widen. She slowly lowers her chopsticks and reaches up to fumble with her glasses instead. “What is it?”

“I …” Lena clears her throat. “I’m presenting you the award tomorrow.”

“What? Lena-“

“I know. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I … I was just so nervous. And I need to know if you’re okay with it. If you’re not, then I can call it off, I’m sure they can get someone else to do it and-“

Kara puts up a hand, and it stops Lena’s ramble. “No, Lena.”

Lena can’t read Kara’s expression, and it’s such a rare occurrence that it unnerves her even more. Kara carries her heart on her sleeve, but in this moment, Lena isn’t sure if Kara is about to be happy or angry.

“I feel honored. But are you okay with it? I was informed that the presenter would be someone from the Committee, so I’m just surprised. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Lena laughs. She feels relieved. “Of course.”

It doesn’t feel like the right time to tell Kara that she had forgotten about the invitation just to have to bribe her way back in.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else to present the award to me.”

The smile Kara gives her is so genuine, so sincere, that Lena’s chest tightens at the sight. She doesn’t ever want to know what would have happened had she ignored the invitation only to have Kara find out about it later. It had been a spur of the moment decision, but for once it seems like trusting her heart over her head had been the right choice.

“I meant what I told you on the phone earlier. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you, Lena. I became a reporter because you believed in me. I wouldn’t want anyone else to present me the award.”

Kara chuckles. “Well, maybe Cat, but-“

They share a laugh, and it feels freeing to Lena. She has more she wants to say, but for now she only smiles at Kara. Kara smiles back, her eyes crinkled up in an adorable way.

“Do you want my potstickers? I’m not very hungry,” she offers and slides her plate towards Kara.

“Are you sure?” Kara asks, but the excitement in her voice gives her away. Lena nods with a grin and only picks one potsticker up for herself.

“This is why you’re my favorite!” The words get muffled before they leave Kara’s mouth.

The speed with which Kara devours the rest makes Lena wonder how she could have ever thought of her best friend as anything other than alien. She had her driver pick up two large portions, knowing full well that most of it would be going into Kara’s belly, anyways. She chuckles to herself and drinks another sip of wine.

Their conversation picks up after that. They talk about their day, and Kara recounts game-night. Lena realizes that she doesn’t mind not being there. She eventually wants to mend her friendships with the others, but she has other priorities now. She’s leaving for Melbourne soon to visit Saskia. She’s working on becoming close to Kara again. The others will have to wait.

“Alex said my turtle looked like a spaceship,” Kara pouts, interrupting Lena’s train of thought.

Lena throws her head back laughing. When she looks back, Kara has a glint in her eyes, like she just got 100 points on a test. It makes Lena’s heart skip a beat or two.

Kara talks more about her week. Where before she would have stumbled over her words, would have made excuses for having to leave CatCo in the middle of the day or be late to a meeting, Kara now talks freely about the occasional Supergirl emergency and sneaking off to the DEO. It still stings in Lena’s chest, the knowledge that for so long she was one of the people being fooled, but seeing Kara talk to her like a weight has been lifted off her chest, it feels freeing to her, too.

And it makes her remember the other question she came here to ask Kara. It hadn’t been on her mind initially, but when her driver had picked her up from the office and she had seen the huge bag of potstickers in the passenger seat, something had clicked.

Lena knows Kara’s favorite food, her favorite animal, her coffee order. And yet, there is something fundamental she doesn’t know about her.

It’s not something that’s easy to ask. It’s a question she had asked Supergirl before, and Supergirl had harshly rejected the answer. Now, however, Lena thinks Kara Danvers might be willing to give her an answer.

It’s when Kara puts away the food containers and the chopsticks and refills Lena’s wine glass that Lena seizes the opportunity.

“I … I actually need to ask you one more question.” Lena takes a deep breath.

Kara turns around, her back against the kitchen island. She looks surprised, but not timid. She tilts her head, evidently waiting for Lena to continue.

“It’s actually something I’ve asked you before. Well, that I’ve asked Supergirl before. But at the time I asked with ill intent, when we were having a disagreement. I asked it to challenge you, knowing you’d never answer me, taking it as proof that you didn’t trust me.”

She swallows heavily, and she can see Kara do the same. Kara must know what she means, because she rubs her arm and looks down at the floor.

“And you don’t have to answer me this time, either. But please know that this time I’m asking as your friend, as someone you trust and as someone who is learning to trust you again. It … it would mean a lot to me. But I wouldn’t be mad if you … if you didn’t-“ Lena’s words die in her throat.

“Just ask me.” Kara’s voice is trembling.

Lena bites her lip. She studies Kara’s face for a long moment, then clears her throat.

“_Nahn ta- rrip i shokh im threv_?”

Kara gasps, and she clutches the edge of the kitchen island. Lena can hear a dull noise, vaguely registering the sound as the material dents underneath Kara’s fingers, but she is too focused on the way Kara is looking back at her to pay it any more attention.

She hadn’t exactly prepared to ask in Kryptonian – the unfamiliar words had left her mouth almost at their own accord. As if there was no other way to ask this question, as if her mind had deliberately shuffled the words into the forefront of her consciousness. It almost makes her laugh out loud. If her brother could see her using the language he had insisted she learn all those years ago, she is sure it’s not a scenario he had ever imagined.

Her pronunciation is rusty, and the sentence structure certainly out of order, but it’s evident from the shock on Kara’s face that Kara understood. Even though the way her jaw hangs open might have less to do with the question itself and more with the way Lena asked.

“_Nahn_ …” Kara starts, but needs a moment to collect herself.

“_Nahn khap i shokh im threv Kara Zor-El_.”

The words roll off Kara’s tongue like a raindrop off a leaf in the spring, and Lena finds herself fascinated. She’s heard Supergirl speak Kryptonian on TV, she’s heard Reign and the other Worldkillers ramble during a fight - but hearing Kara say her own name in her native tongue feels different. It’s personal, it’s intimate, and Lena wants to absorb every syllable.

She cannot find words to say back to Kara in either language, captivated by the way Kara’s eyes are studying her face. Her gaze is soft, and Lena feels a warm relief spread through her body. Kara trusts her, and Kara had spoken her name out loud to her.

“Kara Zor-El,” she repeats. Her lip quivers as she quietly familiarizes herself with the sound of it.

Kara reaches out a hand, and Lena follows her intuition to move towards her. Kara takes her hand in her own. It’s soft, and Lena can hardly believe that the same hand had crushed granite just moments ago. It sends a shiver down her spine.

Kara looks like she has a million questions, but Lena speaks up first, even if her voice is barely above a whisper.

“Thank you for trusting me. Your name is safe with me.”

Kara looks down at their intertwined hands, then up and into Lena’s eyes.

“I’ve always trusted you, Lena. I’m sorry for ever making you think otherwise.”

Lena swallows thickly. The soft touch of Kara’s hand is making her skin tingle, and she can’t seem to focus on one coherent thought. There is so much more she wants to say. There is so much more she wants to ask.

“Kara, I …” she starts, then trails off again. “I want this to be a new beginning for us.”

Kara doesn’t answer, but she gives Lena a look that lets Lena know she’s listening and wants her to continue.

“When Saskia came to National City, it made me realize that it’s not out of my reach to repair a relationship. I kept Saskia out of my life for years, no matter how much she tried to stay in touch with me. And I know now that it was a big mistake. I missed out on such a big part of my life, of our life. She’s my twin sister. We share so much, and I rejected it all. She hadn’t done anything wrong, I had simply been too preoccupied with my own work and my own problems to spare her a thought. And then I moved here, and I became friends with you, and I never talked about my background very much, I never mentioned Saskia. I treated her like someone from my past.” Lena lets out a low and bitter laugh.

“And you kept a part of your life hidden from me as well. But you realized your mistake, even if it was already too late. But you apologized, and you proved that you wanted me in your life. And I realized how similar a position we were in.”

Lena pauses, and Kara gently squeezes her hand. The touch sends a tingle through Lena’s entire body, and she continues before she can lose her thread.

“I’m still hurt, don’t get me wrong. I still have so many questions. I am still so incredibly hurt, and it will take me a while to trust you again. Not only you, but all of your- … of _our_ friends.”

Kara nods in understanding. She doesn’t try to interrupt Lena, and Lena appreciates it.

“But I want a new beginning. I thought this was the end for us, for a while. But I got a new chance to have Saskia back in my life, and it made me realize I can have a new chance with you. If you want that.”

Lena gives her a hopeful look. “I want a new beginning. With you. Without the secrets and the lies. Just you and me.”

Kara smiles. “I would like that.”

Lena can see her gulp, and she follows the motion of her neck with her eyes. Once she drags her eyes back up, she finds Kara staring at her like she’s contemplating life or death. She becomes hyper-aware of the fact that Kara is still holding her hand. As if reading her mind, Kara tugs on her hand, ever so slightly. It’s so gentle, Lena isn’t sure if it was a conscious motion. Nevertheless, she follows the gesture, taking a small step towards Kara.

Neither of them speaks, but Lena doesn’t mind. Kara’s eyes are so blue, so unbelievably blue, and she lets herself get lost in them. They’re wide with wonder, Kara looking at her like Lena is a rare sight to behold. It makes her heart pound in her chest, and she wonders if it drowns out the rest of the city in Kara’s ears. She wants it to. She wants her heartbeat to be the only thing Kara pays attention to, to let Kara see right through her.

She’s been holding herself back from touching Kara until now. Feeling brave, she puts a trembling hand on Kara’s arm. Kara’s muscles are tense under her shirt, and she holds still as if the slightest movement might make Lena jerk away. Lena’s attention shifts towards Kara’s face where Kara worries her bottom lip between her teeth. Lena’s breath hitches in her throat.

Without warning, Kara drops her hand. It makes Lena want to stumble backwards, to apologize for invading her space, but then her breath hitches in her throat when Kara pulls her closer by her waist instead, placing her other hand on the small of her back. It’s firm and steady, yet gentle at the same time.

Lena dares to lean into the touch. Kara’s hand is warm, a pleasant source of comfort that sifts through the fabric of her blouse. Lena closes her eyes and lets herself feel what she has denied herself for years. She’s been in love with her best friend for far too long. She lets herself anticipate something, lets herself imagine what it would be like if Kara felt the same for her. Kara, who after everything still sees her as someone worth fighting for, who saw the best in her during some of the worst times in Lena’s life. Who Lena wants to fight for just as much, wants to see the truth in her despite Kara’s lies.

“Lena,” Kara whispers.

Lena’s world stops. She can’t answer with words, only with a low hum, vibrating between her lips. Kara is so close now; she can feel her chest heaving against her own. She can see the details on her face, the tiny freckles and the small scar by her eyebrow. It all feels inescapable now, like Lena couldn’t go back even if she tried.

There’s a part of her that wants to initiate the kiss, to just put all of her feelings out there in the open. It would be so easy for her to lean in, to close the small distance between them. And yet, she feels rooted in her spot from the underlying, ever-present fear that she could still ruin everything and lose Kara forever.

And then Kara’s lips are on hers, and all thoughts leave Lena’s mind. It’s chaste, barely a second of soft lips pressing to soft lips. It’s life-changing nonetheless. It’s perfect, and yet unlike anything she’s ever let herself imagine. On the rare occasion that she had let herself indulge, she had imagined it messy and drunk on Kara’s couch at 2am, or maybe sweet and romantic at a discreet, high-end restaurant over candlelight.

This is nothing like it, and at the same time everything she’s ever wanted. She chases Kara’s lips with her own when she pulls back. Kara hums happily, tightening her hold on Lena’s waist. They kiss again, and this time it’s more urgent. Lena opens her mouth, and Kara runs her tongue over her bottom lip. Lena sighs at the sensation. Kara holds her close, and the perfect combination of strength and gentleness sends a shiver down Lena’s spine. It’s overwhelming in the best way possible.

Kissing Kara feels like breathing after being underwater. Like the touch of Kara’s lips brings Lena to the surface of the world she wants to live in, a world she has denied herself for so long. She runs a hand up and down Kara’s side, her thumb grazing Kara’s stomach, her abs sensible even through her shirt. Lena hums in appreciation.

They only part when both of their smiles are too wide to continue. Lena blinks her eyes open to find Kara with hers still closed, looking the most peaceful she’s ever seen her. She stares for a moment, wanting to commit the sight to memory forever.

Some of her lipstick is smeared around Kara’s mouth. Lena smiles as she rubs it away with the tip of her thumb. Kara hums softly at the touch. Lena is about to lean in for another kiss when a strange sensation overcomes her.

At first, she assumes she must be dizzy from the kiss, but then she notices how her legs are entangled with Kara’s. She wiggles her toes and expects to feel the soft carpet underneath. The lack of resistance makes her pause. It is then that she realizes her feet aren’t touching the ground.

A chuckle escapes her lips. “Kara?”

Kara hums in response and slowly opens her eyes. Her cheeks are an adorable shade of pink. Lena is stunned for a second by the deep blue of Kara’s eyes and the affectionate look in them. It’s a look she can only hope reflects in her own eyes, and a look she is determined to be worthy of receiving every day from here on.

She places another kiss on Kara’s lips before she chuckles again.

“Kara, you’re floating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Special thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments, it's so appreciated! 
> 
> I spent way too much time researching Kryptonian grammar and probably still got it wrong but it was also a lot of fun. I couldn't find a vocabulary for "real" so instead I went with "truth of name", the direct translation in regard to Kryptonian grammar would be "be what your truth of name?".  
In my headcanon Lena didn't know the word for "real" so she used a phrase she could think of instead and Kara replied in the sentence structure that Lena used so she could understand her reply (as everyone who speaks to a non-native speaker should :P).
> 
> Now that I finished this I will go back to my other WIPs which include a historical Supercorp AU, so watch out for that :)
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading, and everyone stay safe and healthy!


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